I like this natural I like this natural lighting skin looks so glowy oh
The sun goes down at like 3 o'clock so I've gotta hurry
no when, it's 3:15 JK uh what ok so I will share the story, the infamous story
about why I initially wanted to come to Korea. Yay! I've told the story like a lot and
before like I stopped telling it because I would always cry and then people were
like, "we just wanna have a good time, thanks for ruining the mood..." so I'm like ok...
but i'm better now! like alot better. like I can look at his girlfriend's Instagram
now without wanting to punch something so... healed!
my first time in Korea
was three years ago. I was studying in Osaka, Japan
and I came to Korea on holiday. I supposed to hang out with friends from my
university in Japan. I get here can't contact anybody I have a iPhone 3 at the
time. my cell phone from Japan I thought I could use it here I don't know why
Softbank doesn't exist since in Korea but I was a novice traveler okay! i was a novice
so yeah I get here, can't speak any Korean nothing like not even
"Thank you" ah yeah the first night I barely make it to my hostel on time
some like random strangers help me thank
goodness thank God and yeah I wake up the next morning it's a Sunday. sorry i'm like itchy.
I just walk around trying to see the sights without getting like too lost
there's like a street market or something like that but at night I go
back to the hostel I used them their computer that they have that's my only
like source to internet or anything can't
contact my friends there like somewhere else in Korea and so I look for
foreigner bars because I don't speak any Korean. so I'm like I can't be Koreans I
don't want to be bored and so I find some bars. I asked the people at the
hostel where are they and they kind of kind of direct me and since I walked
around during the day I kind of knew my the way around and oh I was in Hongdae!
yeah that's why i love Hongdae so much! well, that's not why but the reasons are still valid now um because
there's a lot of hot dudes in Hondgae. I went out tried to find the bars. first one
I couldn't find. the second one I got there, and no one was there. it was a
Sunday night completely empty and the bartender was like "can I help you?" I was like,
I kinda wanted a drink... actually her and I start talking and she's really cool and
we played darts and then I'm like you know I'm gonna go try to find some
people so thank you, goodbye, so i leave her and i try to find this other bar. and I go
and i totally miss where this is. I walk into this place it's the wrong place but
it's a bar and the guy's like "how many people?" so I'm like one, one person so I
go in there by myself
and he sits me down and let's me get a drink and um, I just sit there alone
there's like I candle light on the table and I just sit there thinking about how
my life sucks. yeah so I leave there walk in and where I'm at
I might as well go back to the hostel because there's nothing else I can do
it's late it was about 10:00 so not that late but late enough to be alone like I
was alone all day so I've been with myself my own thoughts for too long
so I was like just call it a night so I'm walking and I hear "hey! hey!"
from across the street .and I'm a woman, and it's at night, and I'm alone and I'm
like no not gonna have it. keep walking .so I keep walking, ignore it
"hey! hey!" all of a sudden this guy like runs up to me. he's like ,"hey we
noticed you were looking around looking lost so would you like to hang out with
us?" I'm like damnit! first of all, not supposed to look like
you're lost even if you are (and I was) lol... two, he's with, this guy's about my
height. the guy he is with is huge! like the tallest Korean I've ever seen
in my life and he's just smoking a cigarette looking at me... so I'm like
so the other guy he's just chatting me up and "where you from?" and so "we'd really
like to hang out with you!" and I'm like
this is the scenario of every
Lifetime Movie that I watched before I came here that told me how not to get kidnapped
will not be taken, you know he's the charismatic cool guy and this is the guy
that's gonna like beat me in the head and sell me into sex slavery so I was
like no! not gonna go out like that! but I was really bored... I had been alone for so long!
so I was like you know fine
I guess whatever I'll hang out with you...so we go to a really well-lit bar
like really well-lit and he's talking talking - this guy's just
talking about his friend is not even saying anything but I noticed this guy
the bigger guys like super cute so they asked do you "want to go to a bar or a
club?" and I'm like hell no! no way! they're like "we'll pay."and I was like hell no! no way!
then I'm like actually yeah, I will go but I will pay. so we go to the bar and I pay
for my entry and we're dancing and the bigger guy is he's just kind of standing
in the background and his other friends trying to get up on me he's like "show me
your moves!" and but I noticed the bigger guy
is super cute and I'm trying to like kind of get closer to him but his friend
he,his friend is like all over me and yeah so it's a there's two levels to
this club and I look down and the music's trash it's like EDM something...
I don't know it's trash,it's not my thing so I look down into the crowd on the
stage and I see these guys! I know these foreigners they go to my school
and you could tell they're f***ing on drugs they're on drugs so i'm like
I know them! I want to go down there! so there's a whole like so many people in the crowd
we go down the stairs and the bigger guy is leading and I'm like I have to figure
out how to let him now that i'm kinda interested so he's walking in the crowd and I like reach around him
and grab his arm and like pull it behind him kind of like I was a police officer
which was pretty aggressive actually but he got the point and so we were holding
hands he started dancing a little bit and at the end of the night they both
got my Facebook and the bigger guy messaged me right away when I go back to
my hostel and asked to see me again before I left in Korea so next night we
did frozen yogurt, the night after that he took me to his part of town Itaewon and
went to dinner and I was like how do I get this guy to kiss me!?!
like he's about ten years older than me but Koreans look super young!
it was not a big deal to me and we ended up, we did kiss that night. after a
horrible game with me losing at darts like oh god... I broke a dart. I like
missed the board completely but yeah it was great! my fourth day there I went to
Cheonan, I came here to Cheonan to see some friends that were in the program
that I'm in now actually, and then yeah I couldn't see him then
then the next day I was leaving. my flight was around 3:00 and so, messaging in the
morning and I'm like I can only see you for a little bit but he's like "I want to
see you before you go to the airport." so he meets me and I'm like actually I have
to go I have to get on the train to get all the way to the airport and he's
like "don't worry about it" I'm like well actually yes I do need to worry about it
so he gets us a bus like randomly finds us a bus on his phone and he takes me
all the way to the airport and waits with me until I go through security
waves goodbye kick like crazy! so I thought we would just end it there but
we kept talking like I went back to Japan to finish my study abroad semester
he was in the military or he worked for like a private contractor or something
like that with that worked with the military so he was always moving I don't
know if he always like found me he always found me he always contacted me
and last year I was so done with my job and .my jobs 'plural' working girl oh I was
done, but I didn't know what to do I felt paralyzed with opportunity and I felt
discouraged and so I wanted to do everything but didn't know how I just
didn't know how and so he popped back into my life and we started talking
about I me coming to Korea to live near him. we don't know each other we met
five days hardly in South Korea three years ago, or two years ago then, but
I just wanted to know what it would be like, like to be in the same city as him
and to be able to go on dates and meet up at the coffee shop that he liked I
wanna see what what he's like day-to-day like I like no person no man has tried
so hard to communicate with me like they're guys who speak English currently
who will not call me. he just always contacted me so in September of this
year, last year I started looking for jobs I sent in my resume so he could
give it to his friend and try to figure out something he was asking me if I
wanted to live with him and I was like, no I think I'm wanna live in my own place but
we can like live close all this like all these things all these plans. and in
October he, beginning of October he hurt last thing I heard, he hurt his back
doing Crossfit. he was like really into CrossFit. he hurt his back during
CrossFit and I was messaging him like are you okay he was resting and then
nothing like he would read my messages and then nothing so he like he ghosted
in October and I didn't know what the f*** to do. like I was so surprised
hurt and freaking out like I like doubting everything this is someone that
I didn't know, and I knew that I didn't know him but I didn't expect him to do
that to me .and the reason why I thought this was something was because he was
the only one who hadn't done that and then he did it and I was like, what am i gonna do? I don't
know what I'm doing with my life! it was just a really hard time like that first year
after you graduate...well, mmm I feel like people say that but I think just life is
just difficult yeah... I just cried and then I was like well, it's motivated you
I was sending out applications I was creating, I was emailing people and
creating positions but didn't exist. I was just thinking outside the box for
the first time, ever like I was asking 'how' and that's all because I went to
to a seminar. one of the things that I learned from the community,
the Happy Black Woman tribe was to set a date set a date of when you want something to
happen and work toward that and start speaking it into existence and so I was
like I have to go like I can't sit here another year I decided, I cannot yet this
hostel another New Year's. like and I did. I said I'm leaving November, right after
Thanksgiving, I'm leaving and that night I booked a flight not that night but
like the night that I did it was, "ohmygod, ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod"and then typing my resignation letter
I used my vacation days the first week of November to go to England to meet my
niece for the first time, to see my brother's family and yeah left that
resignation letter on the desk as I was leaving for the airport to go to visit
him and was like okay when I come back I have like two and a half weeks to pack
up my life and go and I was scared I was scared and the stress of like trying to
pack for a year a longer than a year of not knowing what the weather was gonna be like
I knew I needed a place to live before my contract, it didn't start until
February in Cheonan. so I booked a flight to Busan I joined Facebook groups,
I started messaging this lady because she was, um originally I was looking for
jobs in his city and I messaged this lady who was
like the only black person I saw on this site was like ,how is that city?
what do you do? and she helped me immensely!
this woman, helped me with my documents, like just information that I just didn't
know about. she hosted me my first week in Korea like a complete stranger she
let me sleep like a foot from her bed. I found a place on Workaway.com in Busan,
a language cafe that would host me if I volunteered to help Koreans with their
English.so I lived there for my first like month. CRAY! that's a whole other thing
too... CRAY! but yeah I I was like it's gonna piece together. I didn't have a
visa when I went. I would have to do a visa run, which I did. and I'm that moment
of like going to Japan and having the visa and just... and just going back to
my Air Bnb and being like I F***ING did it! I can't believe I pulled this s**t together in
less than two months and i'm here and they have a place to sleep and I'm not
on the street and I'm... *sigh* New Year's Eve I we were and I went to a club and when
midnight hit I just cried. like well no, okay I didn't cry cuz I my makeup done
really nice but, I teared up and the emotion was just overwhelming and there
were so much uncertainty and doubt and fear and disappointment of what didn't
happen and but I'm not moment I was just so grateful to everyone who had
helped me everyone who encouraged me in ways I didn't even know. there were
things that had been said earlier that I had didn't even know would bring me to
that moment and just grateful even though it didn't
work out with his dude like and that's and I just let myself my first month or
so, my first months in Korea I just let myself heal. I just cried when I needed
to cry blocked him on social media and then unblocked him and then cried
and then blocked him again. you know all that stuff, I just let myself go through
it ,and I think that was the best thing to
do instead of trying to force myself to get over it because I was really hurt
and I had invested a lot emotionally in him and this idea of what would be. and
looking now I'm like that I would have been a mess... like I would have been in
this random ass city following some person instead of finding my own voice finding
my own dreams and modeling and I'm grateful
like he did he handle it wrong? Hell yeah! you know who you are you messed the F**K UP!
it wasn't the right thing to do it wasn't. but I'm done waiting for an
explanation. I'm okay, I'm truly okay and I'm great like everything I'm grateful
for all I had to go through even though it sucked! I'm grateful cuz I'm here and I'm
learning more about myself every day and piecing together this mess of this
what is this? still beautiful! okay, don't get that twisted. still awesome, f***ing awesome , but definitely
I'm I'm a collage
emotional baggage and fear and anxiety and ah *sigh*
pixie dust maybe yeah maybe pixie dust
That's my story, thanks for listening the light is like going down so I'm just
the light as if I don't know it's the Sun sorry okay I'm gonna leave
Goodbye!!
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