Hey, it's Marie Forleo and you are watching  MarieTV, the place to be to create a business
  and life you love.
  You know, my guest today found himself riding  high on some career wins, but inside he was
  feeling empty and alone. He's here today  to share some lessons he's learned about
  how the masks that we can all wear keep us  from being our best.
  Lewis Howes is a former professional football  player turned lifestyle entrepreneur. He's
  the author of the New York Times bestseller,  The School of Greatness, with a popular podcast
  of the same name. Lewis is a contributing  writer for Entrepreneur and has been featured
  on The Today Show, Fast Company, ESPN, Sports  Illustrated, and Men's Health, among others.
  His newest book, The Mask of Masculinity:  How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create
  Strong Relationships, And Live Their Fullest  Lives, is available now.
  Hey, Lewis.
  Good to see you, Marie.
  So good to see you. I'm so excited that  we're finally doing this.
  Me too. Thanks for having me.  Of course. It's been, it's been a while,
  so I want to start at the top with this book,  The Masks of Masculinity. Tell us what was
  the inspiration to write this one? Because  it's a departure from your last book and
  most of the topics.
  Yeah. The inspiration came from a darker pain  that I think you're aware of that I started
  talking about a few years ago where my whole  life I felt like I needed to achieve certain
  things to fit in, to be accepted, to be welcomed  as a part of the community – whether it
  be in school, with classmates, to teammates  in sports, to the business world. I always
  felt like I needed to fit in. And by doing  so I needed to prove myself to the people
  to fit in and to be accepted.
  And so I was very driven to achieve, and it  worked. That drive allowed me to get certain
  results, but every time I achieved those results  I never felt happy inside, I never felt fulfilled.
  I didn't feel like, "Oh, I've figured it  out now that I've got this thing." Like
  I had inner peace. I never had inner peace.  I felt like I was always alone, always suffering
  and resentful and angry when I would achieve.  It was almost as if like the moment I achieved
  the things I wanted to achieve, I was the  least happy. And I never understood why. So
  I said "I need bigger goals, I need bigger  dreams. I need – maybe it's not big enough."
  Right?
  Right. Like you're not dreaming big enough.
  Yeah.
  You don't have the vision big enough.
  Exactly. So let me keep going.
  Yeah.
  And so in my 20s and late 20s I just kept  going bigger and bigger. And still, every
  time I would achieve something or certain  marks that I set for myself, it wasn't enough
  inside. And I didn't understand why. I just  figured this is the way it is. This is who
  I am. This is what life is all about.
  And I didn't have that awareness until four  … about four and a half years ago, kind
  of everything went south for me. You know,  I was achieving at the highest levels in my
  business. I, you know, I was achieving athletically  my dream playing with the USA Handball team.
  I had, you know, the beautiful girlfriend.  I had like what – I had a lot of money.
  What a lot of guys would think of like that  "he's made it. He's making it." But
  I was in a terrible just darkness inside.  I didn't know how to handle my inner world.
  My outer world looked good. My inner world  was sick.
  I think it's interesting just to note for  folks, because a lot of us, you know, especially
  when you don't come from a lot and, you know,  doesn't matter if it's middle class, poor,
  anywhere on that spectrum, and then you start  to achieve. It's like a lot of people go,
  "Oh, it's easy for you to say." You  know, "you have all the things now. Oh,
  but boo hoo inside."
  But I think it's important to make the point.  I've certainly noticed this from so many
  people that I've interviewed, books that  I've read, folks that I know in my personal
  life, that no matter how much is happening  or appearing to happen on the outside, it
  cannot make up for some of the deep pain and  suffering that's happening on the inside
  that a lot of times you just don't know about.
  And a lot of the people that are so driven,  that are successful, usually comes from some
  type of darker pain or something to prove.
  Yeah.
  Which was where I was coming from. So it all  kind of came crashing down when – it's
  funny, because I'm having like a deja vu  moment with you. Because I actually was sitting
  with you I think at a coffee shop nearby when  I was like, "you know, I'm thinking about
  moving to LA."
  Yes.
  Do you remember this conversation?
  Totally. Of course I do.
  I was like, "What do you think? Give me  your advice, because I really look up to you
  and I appreciate your wisdom." So I was  like, "What do you think? I'm in love
  with this girl. Like, I don't know but things  are going well here in New York City. She
  wants me to be in LA. I don't know what to  do." And you're like, "You know what?
  Just go for it. Like, just go for it, because  you don't want to regret it." And you told
  me to really listen to my intuition. And I  was like, "You know, maybe I'll try it
  out." You know, I wasn't sure. I was kind  of torn. You told me to go for it, and I did,
  and I'm very glad I did because it allowed  me to open – it got me to my darkest place.
  Yes.
  It allowed me to see what was working and  what wasn't working.
  Yeah.
  And the relationship was very toxic afterwards,  but I didn't know how to emotionally communicate
  in the relationship and express myself in  a healthy way.
  Yeah.
  So when things weren't going well I just  didn't feel like I couldn't even talk to her.
  I felt like I wasn't able to express myself  for whatever reason. And what I would do is
  I would take that anger out into the world.  I wouldn't be angry with her or get in a fight
  with her. I would take it out in the sports  world when I was playing basketball, in business
  with my friends. I would take it out elsewhere  on people.
  And I was very angry, resentful, and passive  aggressive. And so the relationship was very
  toxic for me because I didn't know how to  emotionally communicate. I was angry, resentful,
  my business relationship was crumbling, and  I started to get in a lot of fights. I started
  to get very aggressive with everyone. Any  time someone would attack me or give me a
  comment online that I didn't like or say "give  me feedback," it was like I had to defend
  myself with everything. The point where I  got in a fight on a basketball court, and
  that literally shook my world. Because I could  have lost everything. You know.
  It was a fist fight.
  A fist fight. A physical fight. For months  it was like I was walking down the street
  looking for people to look at me weird so  I could fight them. I kind of had that aggression.
  I was like, "You trying to look at me? You  trying to step to me?" or whatever. And,
  you know, finally in this basketball game  I got in a fight. And I gave myself the justification
  that he hit me first, so it was okay to hit  back. Right? Since he hit me first, it was
  okay to hit back. But I didn't know when to  stop. And I finally got pulled off the fight
  and I looked at the guy and saw his face completely,  you know, just bloody. Blood all over the
  courts, all over my hands. And I started shaking.  And I was just like, you know, "what did
  I just do? What did I just do? Everything  could go wrong from this moment forward."
  You know, the police station was actually  right across the street from this place. And
  I was like what happens if they saw this?  What – you know, what if I go to jail?
  I actually ran home like a coward. I couldn't  even face him or anyone else there. I ran
  home like a coward, washed the blood off my  hands, looked at myself in the mirror, and
  was just like, "Who are you? Who are you?  What are you doing? Why are you so angry?"
  Like, it all started to come together where  it was the catalyst for me to start looking
  within. Kind of months and months of this  toxic relationship, this being aggressive
  with people, constantly being defensive online  or offline, that moment was the catalyst for
  me to say, "Okay, I need to look within  and start seeing what I can do to do things
  differently."
  So that's when I, you know, hired therapists  and coaches and went to emotional intelligence
  workshops, started asking my friends and family  for feedback. I said, "Give me feedback.
  I want to hear how I can be better." I think  for so many years I didn't want anyone to
  tell me how to change. I just said this is  who I am. Accept me for who I am.
  Yeah.
  And that was the catalyst for me wanting to  talk about this. Because during that process
  of opening up myself and learning about why  I was so defensive or guarded or aggressive
  my whole life – now, listen. I was a very  loving, fun guy. You knew me before then.
  Absolutely.
  Always loving and fun, but it was like those  moments where I was triggered, it was like
  I didn't know how to turn it off.
  Yeah.
  And I never understood why.
  And then it sounds like from reading the book,  there was also a pivotal moment as you were
  searching in your own journey and starting  to discover, "oh, my goodness. How do I
  release this anger? How do I not have these  triggers? How do I find real happiness? Because
  all the bullshit materialism clearly ain't  doing it." You stumbled upon a documentary
  that made a huge impact.
  Yeah, yeah. The Mask You Live In is a powerful  documentary that started having these conversations
  more and more. With boys, with teens, with  men in prison, with all types of men and boys
  about how we've been developed and conditioned  to become men in a certain way.
  How ... what it means to be a man in our society,  specifically in America. And I think my whole
  life I was conditioned a certain way to act  and to not act. You know, when you're 7
  years old and your parents tell you to go  be kind at school to kids, and then you're
  trying to be nice to people and express yourself  and you get shoved in a locker. You say, "okay,
  I don't want to do that anymore if I'm not  gonna be accepted."
  Yeah.
  Not saying that happened to me, but that's  just kind of like the pattern that kids go
  through. Where they're generous, they're  kind, they're compassionate, they're caring,
  maybe they show emotion, and then they get  made fun of.
  Yeah.
  You know, in the sports teams growing up you  weren't allowed to show emotion. You weren't
  allowed to cry, because men don't cry. And  the names that you're called for even acting
  like you have any emotions or like you're  sensitive at all was that you were less than
  a man. They would call you all sorts of names.  And so just to fit in, just to be accepted
  by your peers, you had to act a certain way  to be cool or to fit in. And I think for me
  that carried on into other areas of my life.  I couldn't just turn it off after those
  three hours of practice.
  Yeah.
  Then it was with my family at home. I had  to act cool. It was with my girlfriends, I
  had to act a certain way. It was with guy  friends. I never fully opened up with guys.
  I didn't have one good guy friend where I  could tell anything.
  I think 50% of men feel that they don't have  a guy friend that they can share stuff with,
  whereas women in general, I see you guys getting  together every day and talking about things
  you're insecure about and the fears you  have and frustrations you're feeling from
  relationships or life or image issues or whatever  it may be. You're talking about these things.
  Whereas I personally never talked about them.  And a lot of the guys that I grew up with
  never talked about any of their insecurities  or fears or doubts or concerns, because that's
  not what it means to be a man. You're not  allowed to show vulnerabilities, at least
  growing up the way I did.
  And as I started having these conversations  with other men I realized, wow. This is like
  almost every guy that I meet faces this. Except  for a few guys who grew up like on a farm
  or like in a spiritual retreat center where  their parents were so loving and open and
  wanted them to be more expressive. But for  the majority of guys that I know and that
  I grew up with, that wasn't the case.
  And when I started opening up, you know, four  years ago I started telling people that I
  was sexually abused and raped by a man when  I was five years old. And this is when everything
  started to shift for me, because that was  the secret I was unwilling to share, and that
  secret just manifested into toxicity inside  of me where I didn't know how to express myself
  in a loving way when I was hurt. So the opposite  of love is some type of anger, passive aggressiveness,
  frustration, and that's the only way I knew  how to communicate when I was feeling pain.
  And I think there was – and as I started  to open up about this and share with my friends,
  with my family, and then more publicly over  the months, something incredible happened.
  So many men would open up back to me. You  know, I was terrified to tell people what
  had happened to me, because I was so ashamed.  I felt guilty, I felt insecure, I felt like
  no one was gonna love me anymore. They weren't  going to accept me. But when I started to
  share, men would tell me their deepest, darkest  secrets, their biggest insecurities, their
  pain, the things they suffered with, and they  would tell me, you know, "I've judged
  you for so long and now I trust you. Like,  I fully trust you now." Men were like, "I
  will follow you anywhere now that I know this  about you and you're willing to talk about
  it."
  I would get emails and just essays from men  saying, you know, "I've been married for
  25 years. My wife doesn't know that I was  sexually abused or that I went through this
  other thing." It wasn't always sexual  abuse, but the men have gone through a lot
  of things that they feel like they're unable  to express and talk about.
  And I realized, wow, the more I start to share  with my friends and family for them to actually
  see me for the first time and just know me,  know what I've gone through, know what I've
  felt, I feel like I'm finally able to be  myself. And the more I started to share, the
  more I started to heal, and the less those  moments or those insecurities had control
  over me. I was able to take my power back,  and it's been an amazing transition.
  And so I felt like this was more of like a  responsibility for me to talk about this thing.
  Over anything else I'd do, this was more  of a process for me to talk about this for
  me to continue to heal, for me to hold myself  accountable. Because even though I started
  to share and heal, last week I'm getting  triggered and like aggressive and angry. And,
  you know, passive aggressive still.
  Patterns exist, and especially ones that we've  had over the course of our lives.
  Exactly.
  You know, 10, 20, 30, 40 years you've been  doing something one way, it is – it's
  a journey and a process to start to unwire  that stuff.
  Exactly.
  So I love that though, because there is something  I think really powerful, right, about like
  taking a stand and saying, "Okay, I'm  gonna talk about this and I'm also gonna
  use this as an opportunity to hold myself  to a higher standard. I might not get it perfect,
  but at least now I've declared like, okay,  this is what I'm working on. This is what
  I'm gonna share. This is what I'm gonna  keep sharing. This is what I'm gonna keep
  going for in my own life." I think that  that's incredible. And I want to put this
  in a larger context.
  So beyond your own journey, and we're touching  upon this a little bit, but what do you see
  and what have you seen from writing this book  and from talking to so many men and boys about
  what's not working for them in terms of  our culture today?
  In general men don't feel like they're allowed  to express themselves in a more vulnerable
  way because of whatever conditioning they've  had. It may be them from their peers in high
  school or sports or parents saying, you know,  "boys don't cry." Whatever it is that
  they heard or people said or something that  was conditioning. And it's translated into
  the rest of their life. At work, in business,  relationships.
  You know, I'll speak for myself, I came  from a place of win-lose. I had to win in
  sports, and if I lost it was an attack on  my identity that I wasn't good enough. And
  so I took that in every other part of my life.  In relationships with girlfriends, I had to
  win. Even if it was like a fun little contest  or competition we were doing, it was like
  no. I had to like show you I was gonna win.  And that never makes the other person feel
  good.
  And I had to be right. Even when I was wrong,  I had to be right in relationships and business
  and whatever, because that was a form of winning.  And it got me the results that I was looking
  for. I won a lot and I was right a lot, but  it left me feeling very alone because I was
  hurting everyone else in those moments. So  it was working in terms of getting me those
  results I wanted, but when relationships were  suffering and other people felt disconnected
  to me, is it really working?
  Yeah. You know, there's this interesting  Harvard study that ... I remember when it
  first came out and I was reading about it.  They had followed an entire kind of group
  of men over 70 years. And I got a little pissed,  because I'm like, "well, back in those
  days they didn't even think it was worthy  to follow a group of women for 70 years."
  But my point is that, you know, at the end  of the life of this group of men, and so many
  of them achieved, you know, such incredible  things in terms of money and wealth and business
  and prestige and impact and all of them, the  most consistent thing that they said at the
  end of their life was the most important was  the relationships.
  Of course.
  And the quality of their relationships.
  Absolutely.
  So I'm curious because, you know, obviously  we have an incredible audience. A lot of women.
  The best audience.
  Thank you.
  Amazing audience.
  For the women listening going, "Okay, I  totally get this. I love Lewis. I understand
  what he's saying." How is this relevant  for them?
  Well, women have lots of relationships with  different types of men. It could be your father,
  it could be your boyfriend or your brother,  it could be the sons that you have. And I
  think a lot of the conflict that is happening  in the world right now, especially in the
  media that I've seen just this year alone.  Besides the natural disasters that are happening,
  you see Charlottesville, the racial marches,  and the hate and anger and fear that men are
  – men are having. You see the sexual violence  and the sexual abuse that's happening, the
  domestic violence is happening with sports  figures. You see the political dis-ease that's
  happening, this conflict.
  You see all these instances. You know, Las  Vegas shootings which is, you know, a man
  that doesn't know how to express himself.  You see all these instances happening this
  year alone, and these are all members of society  in your life as women. All these men are part
  of your life. There are men who are angry,  who are protective, who are passive aggressive.
  All these different things that are men in  your life. And if your relationships with
  the men in your life are suffering, then it's  just something to be aware of. If you feel
  like you're not connected to the men in  your life, if you feel like your father is
  never emotionally available or distant from  you or you can't fully connect and share
  how you feel – if you feel your husband  hasn't been there for you or isn't able
  to show emotion in a moment when you're  vulnerable and sensitive and they're cold
  and guarded. If you feel like your sons never  look you in the eye, then it's important
  for you to understand first, why. And not  make them wrong for this, but to just have
  some compassion and an understanding and awareness.  Why?
  Yeah.
  That's going to give you so much freedom  and power when you understand why the men
  in your life act this way. And that's the  first step is understanding why and just being
  aware of it. Not saying it's right or wrong,  not making it good or bad, but you're saying,
  "okay. Here's a situation. Here's why  they're doing it. Now, what can I do to
  connect with them on a deeper level?"
  Yeah.
  And that's the first step.
  Yeah. No, I love that. And I really, I appreciate  that in the book that at the end of every
  chapter, and you go through a series of masks.  That there was note for us ladies to say,
  "hey, if your guy, your son, your nephew,  your student, whoever it is."
  Brother, yeah.
  Exactly. "They might be experiencing this,  here are some things that you might want to
  keep in mind."
  Yeah. And in no way am I saying that I'm  some expert. It's like a psychologist that
  knows how to – how women should be acting  fully with men.
  Absolutely.
  You know, as a whole, you know, there's  a lot more out there. This is like getting
  into the first step of understanding. And  when we have that awareness and understanding
  I believe it's so powerful for us and we  can start to just have a little bit more compassion
  or patience.
  For each other.
  For each other.
  Yes.
  Not making them wrong, it's not making them  right, but just having a little bit of compassion
  and understanding and seeing, okay, "how  can I connect with this person in a way that
  works for them? How can I come from a place  of understanding them so I can resonate with
  them and connect to their heart, even when  they have a wall between our hearts? How can
  I get to their heart?" And I think that's  what we all should be working on.
  Yeah. You know, one of the most fascinating  masks I thought was the aggressive mask as
  it relates specifically to boys and aggression  and violence. There was a section in the book,
  a lot of people say boys will be boys, that  it's all testosterone. And not only is this
  a cheap excuse, but it's wrong. And I thought  one of the things I really loved was the Samoan
  Malaysia, one of the most peaceful societies  known, that in that particular society men
  don't fight each other, husbands don't beat  their wives, parents don't hit their children,
  assault, rape, and murder are virtually unknown.
  And as I was actually doing some more research  on that, because I found it fascinating, I
  also discovered the Hutterites. And forgive  me if I've mispronounced that. Here in North
  America there's actually – that's another  community. There's virtually no violence.
  And I thought this was interesting, because  90% of homicides are committed by men.
  Yeah.
  So your key point in the book, "a destiny  of aggression isn't born, it's made. We
  can raise boys to be nonviolent if we choose."  Absolutely. And, you know, when I was growing
  up I think I was more sensitive than any other  girl in my age group. From like ages 4 to
  7 I cried more, I was more emotional, I was  very sensitive, and I could feel energy. And
  I always was, you know, insecure as a kid  and I think I showed it more than the girls
  that were around me.
  I would – I remember in the middle of the  night screaming to my mom when I was in my
  bed alone, when I was afraid. Screaming at  the top of my lungs until she would come and
  sing me a lullaby, and then I would make her  stay with me so she would snuggle with me.
  Until I was like eight or nine years old,  this happened many nights every single week.
  I was very sensitive and emotional and fearful  and scared. And yet conditioning, you know,
  habits the training of just everything in  society, you know, it starts with the peers
  in school. When kids just would make fun of  you for any of that stuff.
  Video games.
  Video games.
  Media.
  Media, whatever. You know, our heroes that  we're seeing, what they're doing. The
  people in power and positions of leadership,  what we're seeing them doing. It all affects,
  you know, the way we show up. Especially as  young children.
  Yup.
  And it's just the conditioning. You know,  I wish I was able to be more responsible and
  be more aware and be like, you know, "I'm  gonna stand up for myself and continue to
  express myself the way I want to. I don't  care if everyone makes fun of me." But I
  didn't have that power. I didn't have that  emotional capacity to be like "I don't care
  if I'm by myself. This is what I believe  and I'm gonna be emotional and cry when
  I want to cry."
  It's like, no. You were made fun of and  you were, you know, excommunicated from the
  school if you did something that didn't fit  in. And all I wanted to do was fit in. And
  I think a lot of us put up masks to try to  fit in and be accepted in society, whether
  it be on sports teams or the club or church,  whatever. We're putting on masks so that
  people accept us into what they think is right.
  Yeah.
  And it's hard to take that mask off when  you have the results. "People like me, people
  accept me, they acknowledge me for this thing  that I'm wearing, so why take it off?" But
  when we're suffering inside and we don't  have inner peace, that's when we get to
  take a look at ourselves and say, "well,  who are we and how can we move forward in
  a different way?"
  Yeah. So I love, you know, the fact that this  is a practice. And I wanted to ask you, knowing
  that you're in the midst right now of sharing  about this book. You know, you're out here
  talking to us and lots of other people. Is  there one of the particular masks that's
  been ... you know, I think we all have patterns  and stuff comes, you know, you're like, "Oh,
  boy. This one again." You know what I mean?  The one that for all of us even if it's
  for a period of time, that keeps popping up.  You're like "I really need to keep my
  eyes of awareness and my heart around this  one, because this is the one that sneaks in."
  Yeah. I mean, for me it's the aggressive  mask. Because, you know, I think I tell myself
  the story that I was abused, that I was picked  on, that I was always in last, that no one
  wanted me, that I was like the last kid. It  was the story I told myself for so many years
  that I said, "you know, I'm gonna become  so big, so strong, so powerful, so, you know,
  results-driven that people have to accept  me, that they always want to pick me first,
  that I'm always accepted."
  And so even just last week, even like flying  to one of the places I was going to to talk
  about this, I missed my flight. And I have  never missed a flight. And all of a sudden
  I wanted to – and I felt like it wasn't  my fault. I thought it was TSA's fault,
  but I had lost my – I forgot my ID, and  so I had to go through a whole process to
  go on the plane. Because if you don't have  your ID you have to like call and they pretty
  much like strip you naked and everything.  I was like "just do whatever. I've got
  to get this flight."
  And they told me when they're stripping  me down and like checking everything out,
  they're like, "You're gonna make your  flight. It's okay." I'm like "the
  doors are literally closing in two minutes.  Can we speed this up, please?" You know,
  I'm trying to be patient. They're like  "it's right there. The gate's there.
  We're gonna be quick. You're gonna make  it, trust us."
  And something in me, I was like "I just  don't think I'm gonna make this, but I'm
  gonna go along with trusting them anyways."   I get to the gate, it just closes. I'm
  sprinting without shoes like carrying everything.  I'm like "please open it." They're
  like "once it's closed, it's closed."  I go, "But the plane is right there. Just
  let me on this plane."
  For 20 minutes I'm watching the plane just  sit there and they won't open the door.
  I'm talking to the customer support woman  and I literally want to punch a wall, kick
  the trash can, scream, and make a scene. Like,  I was raging inside, so frustrated, trying
  to blame like the TSA, but really I just forgot  my ID. That's my fault.
  Yeah.
  And so I'm sitting there. I don't say anything  to the customer support person because I'm
  like "I'm about to do something I'm  gonna regret," and how fitting is it I'm
  going somewhere right now to talk about masculine  vulnerability? It's like, wow, how great
  of an opportunity I have right now to see  if I'm actually gonna live up to what I'm
  talking about?
  I love it.  Or if I want to keep going back into old patterns.
  So I felt horrible. This woman was like, "Sir,  what would you like to do?" because she
  was giving me these options. I just wouldn't  even say anything, because I was like I just
  don't want to say anything that's going  to hurt her or just make me feel like an idiot
  right now by getting so mad. So let me just  breathe for minutes. I'm breathing. I'm
  not even looking at her. I"m just breathing  by myself until I feel like I can have a conversation
  and express myself in a different way.
  Yeah.
  And this is the thing. I never knew how to  express myself in a loving way when I was
  triggered. So for me I focus on every single  morning now … going through different scenarios
  in my day that could go wrong. What if someone  cuts me off in traffic? What if I'm late
  for something? What if someone's late for  this? What if my girlfriend says something
  to me that upsets me? What if whatever? How  do I want to react? Do I want to react as
  a trigger and be angry, or do I want to respond  as a loving, vulnerable man and just, human
  being?
  And so I go through these scenarios in the  morning of all these things that could happen,
  and prepare myself. And I think that helps  me focusing on one day at a time.
  Yeah.
  Saying okay, here's the tendencies. I can  get aggressive, I can get mad, I can like
  puff my chest and act like the alpha man in  the room. But does that really serve this
  situation and does it make me feel good? No.  It doesn't serve my vision, it doesn't serve
  humanity, and it doesn't serve me. So I continue  to focus on working on just being a little
  bit better every single day, and that's  all I can do.
  I love it. That's all we can all do. Right?  I love that story. I love that the universe
  was like, "Oh, yeah? You're gonna go talk  about this in a few minutes? Let's see how
  this situation."
  I was literally looking at the wall. I was  just like one of the seat, punch through it,
  and just see my hole in the wall of my fist.
  But that's such growth though I think for  all of us. You know, to have that moment.
  Because all of us, right? It's like we have  the things that we do that pop out of our
  mouths automatically that we find ourselves  in the midst of feeling or saying or doing,
  we're like "we're such an idiot. Why  did this happen again?" So I think it's
  just – it is a testament to what you wrote  and that you're on the path and you're doing
  it and you're like "I'm gonna take it  one day at a time."
  One day at a time. And, you know, I'm not  a perfect human being.
  None of us are.
  And I … I thought you were.
  Oh, hell to the no.
  Come on, Marie.
  And so for me, you know, this is like a process  for me, just this journey. It's like, okay,
  "man. You were really messed up, Lewis.  And you've made all these mistakes." Like,
  my whole life, you know, in the book I talk  about how I failed as not even a man, just
  as a human being with all these masks and  how they've continued to be patterns for
  me.
  So for me this is like, okay, so coming out  of like all the faults that I've had of
  myself and how lots of guys have faced these  different things and how if we're not aware
  of it, it's gonna continue to happen. So  once we're aware of it, now we can start
  to work a little bit to improve and try to  improve humanity along the way.
  I love it. Lewis, thank you so much. Congratulations  on everything that you've been creating.
  You've been doing such an incredible job  on this new book and everything you put out
  in the world. You're awesome.
  I appreciate it.
  Now Lewis and I would love to hear from you.  Out of the entire conversation, which insight
  was the most impactful, and can you turn that  insight into action in your life right now?
  Leave me a comment and let me know.
  Now, as always, the best conversations happen  over at MarieForleo.com, so get your butt
  over there and leave a comment now. Once you're  there, be sure to subscribe to our email list
  and become an MF Insider. You'll get instant  access to an audio I created called How To
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  some personal updates from me that I just  don't share anywhere else.
  Stay on your game and keep going for your  dreams, because the world needs that very
  special gift that only you have. Thank you  so much for watching and I'll catch you
  next time on MarieTV.
  B-School is coming up. Want in? For more info  and free training go to JoinBSchool.com.
  This is like getting into the first step of  understanding. And when we have that awareness
  and understanding I believe it's so powerful  for us and we can start to just have a little
  bit more compassion or patience.
  For each other.
  For each other.
  Yes.
     
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