SCP-3301 "The Foundation" Testing Logs Part 3
Log ID: 3301|033
Participants: Agent Helen Zhao and Agent Zoe Smith of MTF Eta-11, AIC-Glacon and Agent
Thomas Pankin of MTF Mu-4, Dr. Logan Igotta and Dr. Lakshmi Agarwal, Researcher Joseph
Bell and Medical Officer James Candle of MTF Eta-13
Game Board: Beneath Site-46
Winner: Draw
Victory Condition: Mr. Forgetful
Difficulty Setting: Keter
Runtime: 1hr 48min 12s
Payout: N/A
Game Summary: This iteration was notable for including several anomalies not known to the
Foundation. It is unclear whether these were generated for the game, or whether equivalent
real-world anomalies are currently undiscovered or may arise in future.
Each team started the game within an underground Foundation facility. Within moments, a containment
breach alarm sounded, and all teams were chased by a large humanoid and an aggressive canid
entity. Agent Candle retreated behind a bulkhead, closing it behind him and locking out the
other players, who continued to flee.
At the suggestion of AIC-Glacon, Agent Pankin logged into a computer terminal, activating
an effect card ("Swipe Left - No, your other-other-Left") which attached to Dr. Agarwal. The card caused
all monsters in the game to become companions of Dr. Agarwal. It also caused an unexpected
error to AIC-Glacon, which shut down. Dr. Agarwal advanced with her new humanoid and
canid companions, and Agents Smith and Pankin ran towards the Site exit.
As Agent Smith emerged from the Site, her entry into the sunlight triggered a Green
trap card ("Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows"). Agent Smith's Hit Points were reduced to zero,
but she remained active in the game, her body melting into a glutinous mass. Agent Pankin,
trapped by the approaching companions of Dr. Agarwal, attempted to use a Red Card ("Green
Goo Gun") on the remains of Agent Smith, but the weapon's only effect was to lubricate
the creature, delaying its efforts to breach the Site entrance. Agent Pankin was eventually
attacked and consumed - his Hit Points were also reduced to zero, and his body fused into
the liquid mass.
The amorphous biomass spoke to Dr. Agarwal, stating that it was her companion and encouraging
her to join it. Her companions attacked the creature, but were absorbed by it. Dr. Igotta
used a final companion card: "Sister Semaphore", a cosmic being which flew upwards into the
atmosphere and disappeared. And then the sun went out.
The gelatinous biomass collapsed, losing all function. However the previously absorbed
bodies of Agents Smith and Pankin remained at zero Hit Points, and their coating of green
goo suddenly [DATA EXPUNGED].
As the remaining players panicked, and mere seconds from [DATA EXPUNGED], Agent Candle
arrived, and combined the Green Goo Gun card with his one remaining red card ("Don't forget
your eel juice"), firing the resulting weapon upwards at the primary players.
All players awoke simultaneously with no memory of the events of the game, or of the reason
for their presence in the game board. No prize money was awarded.
Participants have professed no recollection of game events, which have been reconstructed
entirely from recordings. For security and psychological reasons, events of this iteration
remain classified to participants.
Notable Cards Drawn:
Card Color: Orange
Card Title: Avery
Subtitle: Someone is going to be boned
Type: Anomaly | Sentient | Animal
Description: A slavering white wendigo with the power to control bone growth. What's not
to love?
Stats: 9 ATK / 5 DEF / 6 HP
Audio Recording Transcript Excerpts
[BEGIN LOG]
Agent Zhao: Watch your six, Zoe! Some kind of dog on the ceiling!
<growling noises>
Agent Pankin: This way, come on!
AIC-Glacon: I would advise against that direction.
Unknown: <singing> Food, glorious food!
Agent Smith: What the hell? Hey Candle, wait for us, don't you dare -
M.O. Candle: I'm sorry!
Dr. Agarwal: Cowardly bastard. Let's get out of here.
AIC-Glacon: What is your desired outcome from this experience?
Agent Pankin: Well I sure as hell don't want to lose, Glacon!
AIC-Glacon: My calculations indicate that the use of this card at this time will ensure
that you do not lose.
Agent Pankin: Okay, logging in - it should effect the nearest player. Sorry, Lakshmi!
Dr. Agarwal: I don't feel anything.
Agent Pankin: What gives, Glacon?
AIC-Glacon: I cannot provide an answer to that query, Agent. Unfortunately the high
volume of data released in the program you have activated will temporarily overwhelm
my processing capacity. I should, perhaps, have mentioned this eventuality before advising,
-ing, -ing, -ing…
Researcher Bell: I think he's crashed, Thomas.
Agent Pankin: Dammit, now what do I do? Those things are right outside!
Unknown: <singing> Lakshmi, Lakshmi, give me your answer, do…
Unknown: Ar ruv roo.
Dr. Agarwal: I'm sorry what now?
Agent Zhao: Keep going, Zoe - you're almost out.
Agent Smith: Okay, I'm - aaaaaagggghh!
Agent Zhao: Zoe!
Dr. Igotta: Jesus.
Researcher Bell: Oh god, that's - that's horrible. James, you have to do something. James?
Dr. Agarwal: Shit - it's absorbed all of my companions.
Unknown: I'm your companion, Lakshmi. All of us are. Join us.
Dr. Igotta: Lakshmi, run.
Unknown: All of you can join us - we will be beautiful together.
Researcher Bell: Is it - is it looking at us? Can we just stop now, please?
Dr. Igotta: Yeah, this ceased to be fun a long while back.
Agent Zhao: <muffled sobbing> I can still hear her.
Dr. Agarwal: <screams> The green is [DATA EXPUNGED]! It's [DATA EXPUNGED]! Logan, I
don't want to die!
Dr. Igotta: I'm sorry, Lakshmi. It - it will be okay. I promise.
Dr. Agarwal: It's so dark.
Researcher Bell: I can barely see anything down there.
Agent Zhao: So dark.
Dr. Agarwal: Please, I don't want to die.
M.O. Candle: You won't - at least not alone.
Researcher Bell: James!
Dr. Igotta: Finally!
M.O. Candle: Okay, here goes nothing…
[DATA EXPUNGED]
Agent Smith: Ugh - what - where am I? I don't feel well.
M.O. Candle: Don't get up - let me check. Can you tell me your name?
<Victory music sounds are heard, but tail off rapidly.>
Unknown: Uh, congratulations, I guess? Did anyone win? Why are we here? Is it a sphere,
perhaps? Who is Doctor Wondertainment?
Dr. Igotta: Wondertainment - huh, that explains a lot. But also nothing.
Agent Pankin: Um, what just happened?
AIC-Glacon: Despite having been inactivated and thus unable to observe subsequent proceedings,
I surmise that my previous calculation was correct, and that your actions ensured that
you did not lose the game.
Dr. Agarwal: We were playing a game?
Log ID: 3301|042
Participants: Dr. Westrin and Junior Researcher Kim, D-1886 and Dr. Messer
Game Board: Dr. Jones' Locker
Winner: Dr. Westrin and Junior Researcher Kim
Victory Condition: MR. ESCHATOLOGY
Difficulty Setting: Maksur
Runtime: 25h 17m 28s
Payout: $216,145
Game Summary: Each player received a gunshot wound upon entering. However, instead of a
random location, each player was shot in their left eye. Eyepatches manifested near their
vicinity, which they eventually put on.
Each team started on a beach on an island in the middle of a large body of water. No
other land is seen by the players. Dr Westrin draws the card "Deep Below The Reef", which
allows him access to a secret area of the game board. A loud foghorn is heard in the
distance, and a large sunken cargo ship appears at the beach.
Dr. Messer immediately plays the card "Starry Night", which reduces visibility of everyone
in the area. This allows Dr. Messer to draw and play a card, which is revealed to be "Lost
Love at Sea". Another foghorn, this time slightly louder, is heard in the distance, and two
boats appear that try and attempt to hinder Dr. Westrin's advancement to the cargo ship.
While this plays out, D-1886 plays green card "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald", which
summons an oil tanker off the coast of the island. Another foghorn is heard, even louder
than the last, in the distance once more. The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald prepares
to destroys the cargo ship. JR Kim plays the card "Yin-Yang", which allows the user to
play two divine beings in one turn.
With this, she summons the supreme divine card "The Great Leviathan". Due to its immense
size, it causes the nearby terrain to change; mountains, crevices, and large earthquakes
appear on the island and volcanic activity begins to rise. JR Kim also plays a supreme
divine card called "The Eel". The Eel and The Great Leviathan charge at D-1886 and the
oil tanker, instantly annihilating them both.
Dr. Westrin successfully makes it to the cargo ship, and finds a small lockbox inside. Opening
the lockbox, Dr. Westrin discovers the supreme divine card "The S-C-P-S Midnight Jacket",
and immediately plays it. One last foghorn is heard in the distance, and a supremely
large wormhole is seen in the distant at an unknown distance. A large metal spacecraft
is seen exiting the wormhole. It is currently theorized that the spacecraft was approximately
the size of Manhattan.
An unidentified object around the size of a human is seen being detached from the spacecraft,
which appears to be an escape pod. Once it lands on the island, an entity exits it. The
entity appears as an extremely large orangutan in stereotypical sailor's clothes, smoking
a pipe, and holding a finished Rubik's Cube in their hand. A necklace is seen around their
neck.
The entity speaks through American Sign Language, and speaks with the players for a short time.
After 15 minutes, the entity reenters the escape pod. It begins to fly back into the
spacecraft. Eventually, several large objects that resemble anchors are shot out of the
spacecraft and begin to impale The Eel and The Great Leviathan, and begin to drag them
up into the craft. Immediately afterwards, the game ends and Dr. Westrin and Junior Researcher
Kim are rewarded the "Mr. ESCHATOLOGY" win-condition.
Notable Cards Drawn:
Card Color: Red
Card Title: The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
Subtitle: Do not come near, lest your boat be your own tomb.
Type: Structure
Description: A giant oil tanker, which instantly destroys all ships that come near it. Comes
equipped with other weaponry for other types of enemies, such as harpoons, cannons, torpedoes,
etc.
Stats: 15 ATK / 85 DEF / 30 HP
Card Color: Orange
Card Title: The S.C.P.S Midnight Jacket
Subtitle: The Terror of the Seas
Type: Supreme Divine
Description: Dead Foundations Write No Tales
Stats: ?? ATK / ?? DEF / ?? HP
Audio Recording Transcript Excerpts
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Westrin: Jesus Christ, I've gone blind!
D-1886: Ah, fuck! W-why the fuck did they have to shoot my eye.
Junior Researcher Kim: It shot my eye too. The hell..
Dr. Westrin: Look, here are some eyepatches.
Dr. Messer: Yeah, this was definitely done on purpose, especially considering we're on
an island in the middle of the ocean. Yar har, I guess.
Dr. Westrin: Damn, look at the size of that ship. I'm going over.
JR Kim: Er, did you just hear that lou-
Dr. Messer: (In the distance) Oh no you ain't. Take this!
JR Kim: Fucking shit, it's pitch black.
Dr. Westrin: I can still see the ship. Cover my back, I'm going over.
(Two small boats appear on the shore. They begin to charge at Dr. Westrin.)
JR Kim: I swear I can hear something over in the dist-
(One of the boats successfully rams Dr. Westrin, he is flung over near the cargo ship. The
boats appear to face towards Kim.)
JR Kim: Shit.
Dr. Messer: 1886, do you have anything to destroy the cargo ship. I've distracted them
for now.
D-1886: Yeah, hold on a sec. (Pause) Here we go.
(D-1886 plays the card.)
Dr. Messer: Did you hear that? It sounds like a foghorn.
D-1886: Did ya say something, I was staring at the giant ass ship that just appeared in
front of us.
JR Kim: (Draws a card.) Oooh-ho-hoo, hope you guys are ready to get demolished.
(The Great Leviathan and The Eel appear behind her)
JR Kim: Let's see you kill these guys.
(Dr. Messer is seen quickly running away from The Wreck and D-1886)
D-1886: Shit.
Dr. Westrin: I got it, I got the card. It's called "The S.C.P.S Midnight Jacket, and the
description says "Dead Foundations Tell No Tales".
JR Kim: Play it then, quickly, before Messer can attack back.
(Dr. Westrin plays the card. The foghorn is head, and the wormhole is spotted in the distance.)
Dr. Messer: Er….. what did you do.
Dr. Westrin: I have no idea.
(The escape pod from the spacecraft is seen ejecting, and lands right next to Westrin,
Kim and Messer.)
Entity: (In sign language:) Hello. You are from the Foundation, correct?
JR Kim: You could say that, yes. Who are you?
Entity: (In sign language:) Names Bright. Was setting sail in case we ever found our
target.
Jr Kim: Target?
Entity: (In sign language:) Yes madam. We call them the Woodpeckers. They've been tearing
up the multiverse, and plundering everything in site. They've already plundered, what,
5 or 6 billion universes so far? We have been sent to destroy them.
JR Kim: Why do you need such a humongous spacecraft?
Entity: First off, it's not a spacecraft, it's a dimensional craft. Second off, the
Woodpeckers ship is also extremely huge. (The entity takes a puff from their pipe.) Say,
have you seen the Woodpeckers around here at all lately.
JR Kim: No sir.
Entity: Good. You got off lucky.
(The entity returns to their pod, and begins to fly back up to the spacecraft. The Eel
and The Great Leviathan are seen being pulled by the ship.)
Dr. Messer: Did that monkey just….. take the Eel and the Leviathan.
Dr. Westrin: Looks like it.
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