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♪ ♪
THANKS FOR JOINING US FOR TODAY'S PROGRAM.
IN TODAY'S FAST-PACED, SELF-FOCUSED WORLD,
IT'S DIFFICULT TO FIND QUALITY BIBLICAL TEACHING,
MUCH LESS TEACHING THAT SIMPLIFIES PROFOUND TRUTH
SO THAT IT CAN BE APPLIED TO YOUR OWN LIFE AND,
AS TODAY'S MESSAGE TELLS US, TO YOUR OWN MARRIAGE.
WE HOPE YOU'LL HAVE YOUR BIBLES OPEN
AND BE READY TO FOLLOW ALONG WITH PASTOR ADRIAN ROGERS
AS WE CONTINUE OUR SERIES, "ONE LORD, ONE LOVE."
I LOVE TODAY'S MESSAGE BECAUSE OF WHAT
IT HAS MEANT TO MY OWN FAMILY.
WE ALL NEED TO LEARN TO COMMUNICATE,
AND TODAY, ADRIAN ROGERS DISCUSSES THE HINDRANCES
TO COMMUNICATION,
AND HOW WE CAN ALL COMMUNICATE BETTER.
Adrian Rogers: THE NUMBER ONE IN MANY MARRIAGES
IS THE FAILURE OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES TO ADEQUATELY COMMUNICATE.
AND SOME MARRIAGES THAT ARE OKAY STILL NEED A LOT OF HELP IN,
UH, COMMUNICATION.
I WANT TO TELL YOU, THERE CAN BE NO INTIMACY
WITHOUT COMMUNICATION,
THERE CAN BE NO COMMUNICATION WITHOUT TRUST
AND THERE CAN BE NO REAL TRUST WITHOUT THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.
HAVE YOUR BIBLES OPEN TO THE BOOK OF FIRST PETER CHAPTER TWO,
AND STAY WITH US FOR TODAY'S MESSAGE,
"COMMUNICATE OR DISINTEGRATE."
AND DON'T FORGET, DOWNLOADS OF TODAY'S PROGRAM,
OUTLINE, NOTES AND OTHER MATERIALS
ARE AVAILABLE ON OUR WEBSITE, LWF.ORG.
NOW, LET'S JOIN ADRIAN ROGERS.
♪ ♪
Adrian: WOULD YOU BE FINDING FIRST PETER CHAPTER TWO?
I HEARD OF A WOMAN WHO, UH, WENT TO THE LAWYER AND SAID, "MY HUSBAND
WANTS TO DIVORCE ME."
AND, UH, THE LAWYER SAID TO THE LADY,
"WELL, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, DOES HE HAVE ANY GROUNDS?"
WELL, SHE SAID, "HE HAS ABOUT 20 ACRES." [AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
HE SAID, "NO, I DON'T MEAN THAT, DOES HE HAVE A GRUDGE?"
SHE SAID, "NO, I THINK IT'S A CARPORT." [AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
AND HE WRINKLED HIS BROW JUST A LITTLE BIT AND SAID,
"NO, NO, NO, NO. DOES HE BEAT YOU UP?"
SHE SAID, "NO, I GET UP BEFORE HIM EVERY MORNING."
HE SAID, "LADY, WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?"
SHE SAID, "HE SAYS WE CAN'T COMMUNICATE." [AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
HA, HA, HA, HA, WELL I CAN UNDERSTAND
A LITTLE BIT THAT SOME HOMES ARE ON THE ROCKS
BECAUSE OF A LACK OF COMMUNICATION.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT TODAY,
COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE.
ONE LORD, ONE LOVE: COMMUNICATE OR DISINTEGRATE.
THE NUMBER ONE PROBLEM IN MANY MARRIAGES
IS THE FAILURE OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES
TO ADEQUATELY COMMUNICATE, AND SOME MARRIAGES
THAT ARE OKAY STILL NEED A LOT OF HELP IN, UH, COMMUNICATION.
I WAS READING WHERE ONE PSYCHOLOGIST SAID THAT 80%
OF THOSE WHO COME IN FOR COUNSELING REALLY COME IN
BECAUSE OF COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS.
WELL, WHETHER IT'S 80%, 100%, OR WHATEVER,
IT IS A BIG PERCENTAGE.
AND I'M TELLING YOU THAT THOSE OF US WHO ARE MARRIED,
THOSE WHO MAY BE SINGLE, THOSE WHO ARE PLANNING
TO GET MARRIED, WHATEVER, ALL OF US AS CHRISTIANS,
BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST, NEED TO LEARN TO COMMUNICATE.
FOR THE BIBLE SAYS, "LIFE AND DEATH ARE IN
THE POWER OF THE TONGUE AND THEY THAT LOVE IT
SHALL EAT THE FRUIT THEREOF."
NOW LET ME READ YOU SOME SCRIPTURES HERE,
FIRST OF ALL TALKING ABOUT THE LORD JESUS,
WHO IS THE EXAMPLE FOR US IN ALL THINGS,
ESPECIALLY IN HUSBAND AND WIFE RELATIONSHIPS.
NOW LOOK IF YOU WILL IN CHAPTER TWO VERSE 21.
PETER SAYS, "FOR EVEN HEREUNTO WERE YE CALLED,
BECAUSE CHRIST ALSO SUFFERED FOR US, LEAVING US AN EXAMPLE,"
NOW UNDERSCORE THAT PHRASE, "LEAVING US AN EXAMPLE,
THAT YE SHOULD FOLLOW HIS STEPS, WHO DID NO SIN,
NEITHER WAS GUILE FOUND IN HIS MOUTH,
WHO, WHEN HE WAS REVILED, REVILED NOT AGAIN,
WHEN HE SUFFERED, HE THREATENED NOT,
BUT COMMITTED HIMSELF TO HIM THAT JUDGETH RIGHTEOUSLY."
NOW I'M GOING TO SKIP TO VERSE, CHAPTER THREE VERSE ONE,
"LIKEWISE, YE WIVES, BE IN SUBJECTION TO YOUR OWN HUSBANDS."
NOW I'M GOING TO SKIP DOWN TO CHAPTER THREE VERSE SEVEN,
"LIKEWISE, YE HUSBANDS DWELL WITH THEM ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE."
NOW WHAT DOES THE LIKEWISE REFER TO? IT REFERS TO JESUS.
JESUS IS THE PATTERN AND THE POWER FOR COMMUNICATION
IN MARRIAGE.
FIRST OF ALL IT TALKS ABOUT JESUS AND THEN HE SAYS,
"ALL RIGHT, WIVES, YOU DO THE SAME WAY.
YOU FOLLOW IN HIS STEPS."
HE TALKS ABOUT JESUS AND THEN HE SAYS, "ALL RIGHT, HUSBANDS,
HERE'S THE EXAMPLE; FOLLOW IN HIS STEPS."
WE NEED TO LEARN TO COMMUNICATE, AND THE PATTERN
AND THE POWER IS THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.
NOW, WE STRIVE FOR INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT ACHIEVING INTIMACY.
I WANT TO TELL YOU, THERE CAN BE NO INTIMACY WITHOUT COMMUNICATION,
THERE CAN BE NO COMMUNICATION WITHOUT TRUST,
AND THERE CAN BE NO REAL TRUST WITHOUT THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.
THE SUPREME GOAL OF MARRIAGE IS TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER INTIMATELY
AND STILL LOVE AND RESPECT ONE ANOTHER.
THE PROBLEM WITH THE INTIMACY IS IN OUR SOCIETY,
WHEN WE TALK ABOUT INTIMACY, EVERYBODY'S THINKING SEXUALLY.
BUT REAL SEXUAL INTIMACY CANNOT HAVE
ITS FULLEST MEANING OR FULLEST, UH, FULLEST EH,
EXPRESSION WITHOUT PSYCHOLOGICAL AND SPIRITUAL INTIMACY.
WHEN HUSBAND AND WIFE WOULD COME TOGETHER IN BIBLE TIMES
IN THE ACT OF MARRIAGE, THE BIBLE USES,
UH, THIS TERM, "THEY KNEW ONE ANOTHER."
THAT SPEAKS OF TRUE, TRUE INTIMACY,
PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, AND SPIRITUAL INTIMACY.
NOW, IF YOU AS HUSBAND AND WIFE DON'T LEARN
TO COMMUNICATE, I CAN TELL YOU, YOUR MARRIAGE
IS GOING TO DRIFT APART.
AFTER THE HONEYMOON IS OVER, AFTER THE CHILDREN
ARE UP AND OUT, WHEN, UH, THE BITTER, UH, TOIL OF LIFE
SETS IN, YOU'RE GOING TO FIND YOURSELF SLOWLY,
SOMETIMES ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLY, DRIFTING APART.
THE GOAL OF MARRIAGE IS NO LONGER I AND I BUT WE.
"THEY TWO WILL BECOME ONE FLESH."
NOW I WANT TO SAY THREE BASIC THINGS,
BUT A LOT OF SUB-BASIC THINGS TODAY
AS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, UH, COMMUNICATION.
AND REMEMBER, NOW, THAT JESUS IS BOTH THE POWER AND THE EXAMPLE.
HE LEFT US AN EXAMPLE THAT WE SHOULD FOLLOW IN HIS STEPS.
NOW FIRST OF ALL, I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT
THE AWESOME POWER OF COMMUNICATION, THE AWEFIN,
AWESOME POWER OF COMMUNICATION.
NOTICE AGAIN, JESUS IS THE EXAMPLE IN VERSE 21,
"THAT YE SHOULD FOLLOW IN HIS STEPS WHO DID NO SIN,
NEITHER WAS GUILE FOUND IN HIS MOUTH, WHO WHEN HE WAS REVILED,
REVILED NOT AGAIN, WHEN HE SUFFERED HE THREATENED NOT,
BUT COMMITTETH HIMSELF TO HIM THAT JUDGETH RIGHTEOUSLY."
JESUS SPOKE TRUTH, HE WAS CALLED THE WORD, HE, HE,
HIS LIFE WAS FULL OF GRACE AND TRUTH.
AND JESUS, WHO KNEW THIS, TAUGHT US
THAT REAL COMMUNICATION COMES OUT OF THE HEART.
JESUS SAID, "OUT OF THE ABUNDANCE OF THE HEART,
THE MOUTH SPEAKETH."
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THE HEART,
LISTEN THEREFORE, TO WORDS.
THEY SAY IN THE COUNTRY, WHAT'S DOWN
IN THE WELL COMES UP IN THE BUCKET.
HARSH WORDS, A HARSH HEART, AN ANGRY HEART.
NEGATIVE WORDS, A NEGATIVE HEART.
OVERACTIVE WORDS, TALKING ALL THE TIME, AN UNSETTLED HEART.
BOASTFUL WORDS, AN INSECURE HEART.
FILTHY WORDS, A DIRTY HEART.
CRITICAL WORDS, A BITTER HEART.
ENCOURAGING WORDS, A HAPPY HEART.
GENTLE WORDS, A LOVING HEART.
TRUTHFUL WORDS, AN HONEST HEART.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THE HEART, LISTEN TO THE WORD.
NO WONDER, NO WONDER WE NEED THE LORD JESUS CHRIST
TO BE THE EXAMPLE HERE, AND SO I WANT US TO TALK
FIRST OF ALL ABOUT SOME PROBLEMS IN COMMUNICATION.
SOME PROBLEMS IN, UH, COMMUNICATION.
WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THE POWER OF THE TONGUE,
LET'S TALK ABOUT SOME PROBLEMS IN COMMUNICATION.
GO BACK TO OUR TEXT, GO BACK IF YOU WILL, PLEASE, UH,
TO FIRST PETER CHAPTERS TWO AND THREE.
NOW ONE OF THE FIRST PROBLEMS IS THIS. ARE YOU READY?
AND I WANT YOU TO JOT, JOT THESE DOWN IF YOU WILL.
ONE OF THE FIRST PROBLEMS IS THIS; WE LACK THE SKILLS,
WE LACK COMMUNICATION SKILLS BECAUSE WE HAVE NEVER LEARNED
AND WE'VE NOT LEARNED BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT STUDIED
THE WORD OF GOD.
NOW PETER TALKS ABOUT THE LORD JESUS, AND HE SAYS,
"HERE IS THE EXAMPLE, JESUS IS THE EXAMPLE,"
AND THEN HE SAYS IN CHAPTER THREE VERSE ONE,
"WIVES, DO LIKE THIS."
THEN HE SAYS IN CHAPTER THREE VERSE SEVEN, HE SAYS, "HUSBANDS,
YOU DO LIKE THE LORD JESUS CHRIST."
AND HE TELLS WIVES NOT TO TALK SO MUCH
AND HE TELLS HUSBANDS TO WISE UP.
NOW WE BOTH NEED TO LEARN, AND SOMEWHERE
WE NEED TO MEET IN THE MIDDLE.
I ASKED MY WIFE AS I WAS PREPARING THIS SERMON, I SAID,
"JOYCE, WHAT IS THE BASIC PROBLEM IN COMMUNICATION."
SHE DIDN'T EVEN THINK. SHE SAID, "MEN." [AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
ONE WORD ANSWER AND YOU KNOW, I GOT TO THINKING
ABOUT IT AND I THINK SHE'S RIGHT.
I THINK THE PROBLEM, SIRS, MEN, GUYS, IS PRIMARILY WITH US,
AND THAT'S THE REASON THAT HE SAYS TO, UH, MEN, TO,
"DWELL WITH YOUR WIVES ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE,"
THAT MEANS TO WISE UP.
SO, THE VERY FIRST REASON WE HAVE TROUBLE,
UH, UH, COMMUNICATING, IS HEY, WE'RE DIFFERENT.
AND THAT'S THE REASON GOD GIVES INSTRUCTION TO THE WOMAN IN,
IN, IN CHAPTER THREE VERSE ONE SAYS REALLY BASICALLY,
LOOK AT IT, DON'T TALK SO MUCH.
AND THAT'S THE REASON HE SAYS TO THE MAN IN,
IN, CHAPTER THREE VERSE SEVEN, WISE UP,
LIVE WITH HER ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE.
I'LL TELL YOU ANOTHER REASON FOR, UH,
FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE, AND THAT'S SELF-CENTEREDNESS.
LOOK IF YOU WILL IN CHAPTER TWO VERSE 24.
THE BIBLE SPEAKS OF CHRIST, "WHO HIS OWN SELF
BARE OUR SINS IN HIS OWN BODY."
THAT'S THE ULTIMATE, ULTIMATE MARK OF SELFLESSNESS.
WHAT IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IN MARRIAGE? SELFISHNESS.
WE, WE GET SELFISH.
WE WANT TO BE THE KING OR QUEEN ON THE THRONE OF OUR OWN LIVES.
WE SAY WE HAVE OUR RIGHTS.
BUT JESUS, THE LORD OF GLORY, "THOUGHT IT NOT ROBBERY
TO BE EQUAL WITH GOD BUT MADE HIMSELF OF NO REPUTATION,"
HE LAID DOWN HIS LIFE FOR THE CHURCH, WHICH IS HIS BRIDE.
SELF A HINT, HINDRANCE TO GOOD COMMUNICATION.
LET ME TELL YOU, MOST OF THE PROBLEMS THAT YOU AS YOUR HUS,
YOU AS HUSBAND AND WIFE ARE GOING TO HAVE,
YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU WHAT THEY ARE?
THEY'RE NOT REALLY OVER PROBLEMS, THEY'RE EGO.
THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS TOO BIG TO SOLVE,
JUST PEOPLE TOO SMALL TO SOLVE THEM.
AND THE PROBLEM IS, WE'RE SO FULL OF ROTTEN PRIDE,
THAT RATHER THAN ATTACKING THE PROBLEM,
WE ATTACK ONE ANOTHER BECAUSE WE ARE SELFISH BY NATURE
AND WE'RE SO FULL OF PRIDE, WE WANT TO BE RIGHT.
BUT IF BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE WOULD CENTER ON THE PROBLEM RATHER
THAN TRYING TO PROVE WHO'S RIGHT OR WRONG, UH, THEN WE WOULD
HAVE COMMUNICATION.
SO, UH, LACK OF KNOWLEDGE IS ONE OF THE PROBLEMS,
WE'RE DIFFERENT.
UH, ANOTHER REASON IS, IS SELFISHNESS, AND, AND,
THAT'S THE REASON PETER GIVES US THIS EXAMPLE
OF THE SELFLESS LIFE OF THE LORD JESUS, AND THEN HE SAYS,
"LIKEWISE YE WIVES," AND, "LIKEWISE YE HUSBANDS."
I'LL TELL YOU ANOTHER REASON FOR POOR COMMUNICATION,
AND IT IS BITTERNESS, UNRESOLVED PROBLEMS, AN UNFORGIVING SPIRIT.
NOW LOOK AT THE, UH, WHAT, UH, PETER SAYS HERE IN VERSE 23.
HE SAYS WE'RE TO BE LIKE JESUS.
NOTICE IN VERSE 22, "WHO DID NO SIN, NEITHER WAS GUILE
FOUND IN HIS MOUTH, WHO, WHEN HE WAS REVILED,
REVILED NOT AGAIN, AND WHEN HE SUFFERED, HE THREATENED NOT,
BUT COMMITTED HIMSELF TO HIM THAT JUDGETH RIGHTEOUSLY."
NOW HE'S SAYING, YOU'VE GOT TO GET RID OF THAT BITTERNESS.
BITTERNESS, THE ROOT OF BITTERNESS, WILL DEFILE YOUR MARRIAGE.
HEBREWS CHAPTER 12 AND VERSE 15, THE BIBLE SAYS WE'RE TO BE,
"LOOKING DILIGENTLY, LEST ANY MAN FAIL OF THE GRACE OF GOD,
LEST ANY ROOT OF BITTERNESS SPRINGING UP TROUBLE YOU
AND THEREBY MANY BE DEFILED."
THERE'S SOME WHO ARE LISTENING TO ME NOW, YOU'VE BEEN
MARRIED FOR 15 OR 20 YEARS AND YOU'RE STILL
NURSING THE SAME GRUDGES.
YOU HAVE A ROOT OF BITTERNESS.
YOU SAY, "WELL I'M NOT AWARE OF IT."
NO, BECAUSE IT'S A ROOT, IT'S UNDERGROUND,
BUT YOU CAN SEE THE FRUIT OF IT, IN THE CONSTANT
BICKERING, THOSE OLD THINGS THAT JUST KEEP COMING UP,
THEY'VE NEVER BEEN RESOLVED,
THEY'VE NEVER BEEN BURIED IN THE GRACE OF GOD'S FORGETFULNESS,
THEY'VE NEVER BEEN COMMITTED TO THE LORD,
THEY'VE NEVER TRULY BEEN FORGIVEN.
ONE MAN SAID, "WHEN MY WIFE AND I ARGUE, SHE GETS HISTORICAL."
HE SAID, "YOU MEAN HYSTERICAL."
HE SAID, "NO, I MEAN HISTORICAL.
SHE BRINGS UP EVERYTHING I EVER DID IN THE PAST
AND SHE KEEPS BRINGING IT UP AND BRINGING IT UP."
WHAT DOES GOD DO WITH OUR SINS WHEN HE FORGIVES THEM?
HE BURIES THEM IN THE GRAVE OF HIS FORGETFULNESS,
NEVER TO BRING THEM UP AGAIN.
AND, AND THE PROBLEM WITH MANY OF US, FOLKS, I'M TELLING YOU,
EH, IS, IS THE, IT IS THE PROBLEM OF BITTERNESS.
IT IS A REAL PROBLEM.
NOW, LET ME TELL YOU ANOTHER PROBLEM IN COMMUNICATION.
AND BY THE WAY, THE WAY TO GET RID OF BITTERNESS
AND TO KEEP FROM LETTING IT BUILD UP
IS TO KEEP A SHORT ACCOUNT.
YOU KNOW, THE BIBLE SAYS IN EPHESIANS FOUR,
"DON'T LET THE SUN GO DOWN UPON YOUR WRATH,"
DON'T GO TO BED BACK TO BACK.
DON'T GO TO BED ANGRY, GET IT SETTLED BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP.
BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS, IF YOU DON'T,
YOU'RE GIVING A PLACE TO THE DEVIL.
"NEITHER GIVE PLACE TO THE DEVIL."
THE DEVIL JUST COMES AND YOU'RE JUST SAYING, "DEVIL, COME ON IN
AND WRECK OUR HOME."
ONE COUPLE READ THIS VERSE AND SAID WE STAYED UP
FOR THREE STRAIGHT WEEKS OVER THAT. [AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
HA, HA. ALRIGHT, HEH, IT, THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE, UH, THAT, THAT,
WHUH, THAT HINDERS COMMUNICATION, AND THAT'S, UH,
THE DISTRACTIONS OF LIFE.
I MEAN, WE'RE SO BUSY.
NOW NOTICE IN CHAPTER TWO, WHEN WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
THE LORD JESUS, UH, HERE, AND WHAT THE LORD JESUS DOES.
IN, IN CHAPTER TWO, LOOK IF YOU WILL IN VERSE 25.
IT SAYS, "BUT YE WERE AS SHEEP GOING ASTRAY, BUT ARE NOW
RETURNED UNTO THE SHEPHERD AND BISHOP OF YOUR SOULS."
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WELL, YOU AND I STRAYED AWAY FROM OUR LORD.
ALL WE LIKE SHEEP GO ASTRAY, BUT THE LORD JESUS,
WHO IS THE SHEPHERD AND THE BISHOP, HE'S GONE OUT SEEKING US,
UH, NOTHING IS DISTRACTING HIM FROM SEEKING HIS SHEEP.
THEN HE SAYS, "NOW WIVES, YOU DO THE SAME THING.
HUSBANDS, YOU DO THE SAME THING."
UH, MAKE THIS THE, THE, THE PRIME THING IN YOUR MARRIAGE
IS TO SEEK PEACE.
AND, AND, UH, AGAIN, THE BIBLE SAYS, GO OVER HERE
IF YOU WILL IN CHAPTER THREE VERSE 11,
"LET HIM ESCHEW EVIL AND DO GOOD, LET HIM SEEK PEACE."
THAT MEANS, MAKE IT YOUR PRIME GOAL TO COMMUNICATE.
SEEK PEACE AND ENSUE IT.
YOU KNOW ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS THAT KEEPS US
FROM COMMUNICATING AS HUSBANDS AND WIVES; IS TELEVISION.
MIGHT AS WELL ADMIT IT.
I MEAN, ONE OF THE GREAT ENEMIES OF COMMUNICATION
IS TELEVISION.
SOMEBODY SENT ANN LAN, ANN LANDERS THIS LETTER,
HAD A LITTLE POEM, I WANT TO READ IT WITH YOU.
I'LL READ IT TO YOU.
IN THE HOUSE OF MR. AND MRS. SPOUSE,
HE AND SHE WOULD WATCH TV.
AND NEVER A WORD BETWEEN THEM WAS SPOKEN UNTIL THE DAY
THE SET WAS BROKEN.
THEN, "HOW DO YOU, THEN, HOW DO YOU DO?"
SAID HE TO SHE, "I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET.
SPOUSE IS THE NAME, WHAT'S YOURS," HE ASKED?
"WHY, MINE IS THE SAME," SAID SHE TO HE.
"DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT WE COULD BE?"
BUT THEN THE SET CAME SUDDENLY RIGHT ABOUT
AND THEY NEVER DID FIND OUT. HUH, HUH, HUH.
OH, IT IS, IT IS THIS, THIS, THIS, THE DISTRACTIONS OF LIFE
AND WE HAVE TO MAKE UP OUR MIND THAT WE ARE GOING TO SEEK PEACE.
AND CHILDREN, HOBBIES, BUSINESS, WHATEVER IT IS,
ALL OF THESE THINGS COME AND GET AHEAD OF US,
THAT KEEP US FROM COMMUNICATING.
AND THEN I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE, UH,
THAT KEEPS US FROM COMMUNICATING.
NOT ONLY THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE SEXES, UH,
THE MALE AND FEMALE DIFFERENCES, THE WAY WE'RE WIRED,
BUT THE DIFFERENCES OF THE TEMPERAMENTS AMONG EITHER SEX.
UH, JOYCE AND I ARE PSYCHOLOGICALLY
DIFFERENT TEMPERAMENTALLY.
NOW SOME PEOPLE ARE THE SAME, BUT JOYCE AND I ARE DIFFERENT.
BROTHER BOB SORRELL GAVE US A TEST ONE TIME
AND HE GAVE ALL THE STAFF A PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE
AND JOYCE AND I TOOK THAT AND WE, WHEN WE COMPARED IT,
WE FOUND FACTUALLY WHAT WE'D ALWAYS SUSPECTED.
FOLKS, NOT ONLY ARE WE OPPOSITE SEXUALLY,
WE'RE JUST PLAIN OPPOSITE.
THE VERY THINGS THAT I'M HIGH ON, I'M RADICALLY HIGH.
THE THINGS THAT SHE IS, THAT I'M HIGH ON, SHE IS RADICALLY LOW,
NOT JUST LOW, RADICALLY LOW.
THE THINGS THAT SHE'S RADICALLY HIGH ON, I AM RADICALLY LOW ON,
NOT JUST LOW, I'M OFF THE CHARTS. [AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
IT'S ONLY THE GRACE OF GOD THAT'S KEPT US MARRIED.
I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.
WE HAVE A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE, WE HAVE A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE,
BUT I THINK IT MUST BE GOD'S JOKE.
UH, YOU KNOW, GOD PUTS PEOPLE WHO ARE DIFFERENT TOGETHER
AND THEN THEY HAVE TO WORK AT THAT MARRIAGE.
AND I JUST THANK GOD FOR THE GRACE OF GOD THAT KEEPS US TOGETHER,
BUT DIFFERENCES CAN SOMETIMES DRIVE US APART.
LOOK IF YOU WILL IN CHAPTER THREE, VERSES SEVEN AND EIGHT,
"LIKEWISE YE HUSBANDS, DWELL WITH THEM ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE,
GIVING HONOR UNTO THE WIFE AS UNTO THE WEAKER VESSEL
AND AS BEING HEIRS TOGETHER OF THE GRACE OF LIFE
THAT YOUR PRAYERS BE NOT HINDERED.
FINALLY, BE YE ALL OF ONE MIND."
WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY THAT?
WELL, HE TALKS TO HUSBANDS AND WIVES
AND THEN TO EVERYBODY.
HE SAYS YOU'VE GOT TO COME TOGETHER; YOU'VE GOT TO AGREE,
EVEN THOUGH, UH, YOU MAY BE
PSYCHOLOGICALLY DIFFERENT.
LET ME TELL YOU ANOTHER REASON FOR FAILURE
TO COMMUNICATE; ITS INSECURITY AND FEAR.
WE ARE AFRAID TO REACH THAT FREEDOM LEVEL
OF COMMUNICATION.
YOU KNOW WHY?
WE'RE AFRAID IF SOMEBODY KNEW US, REALLY KNEW US,
THEY WOULDN'T LOVE US ANY MORE.
LOOK IF YOU WILL AGAIN IN CHAPTER THREE VERSE EIGHT,
"FINALLY, BE YE ALL OF ONE MIND, HAVING COMPASSION
ONE OF ANOTHER."
LOVE AS BRETHREN, BE PITIFUL, BE COURTEOUS.
HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE I COULDN'T REALLY TELL HER HOW,
HOW I REALLY FEEL, OR I COULD NOT TELL HIM HOW I REALLY FEEL?
WE HAVE TO WEAR THIS CAMOUFLAGE, WE HAVE TO STAND
BEHIND THIS MASK, WE HAVE TO PRETEND EVEN WITH THOSE
THAT WE LOVE THE MOST BECAUSE WE FEEL IF THEY KNEW
HOW WE REALLY FEEL THEY WOULDN'T LOVE US ANYMORE,
IF THEY REALLY KNEW US, AND AFTER ALL,
THIS IS ALL I'VE GOT, SO I'VE GOT TO HIDE IT
BECAUSE IF, IF I JUST SHOW THEM WHAT I REALLY AM,
THEN, THEN THEY MAY, MIGHT NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE.
AND SO FEAR KEEPS US, UH, FROM COMMUNICATING.
WELL, I, I WISH I HAD MORE TIME TO DEAL WITH
ALL OF THESE THINGS, BUT, BUT LET'S MOVE ON IN, UH,
FOUR MINUTES LET ME GIVE YOU THE WHOLE THIRD POINT.
HA, HA, ALL RIGHT, I'M NOT A GOOD COMMUNICATOR
THIS MORNING.
BUT LET ME JUST, LET ME JUST GO DOWN SOME THINGS.
I WISH I HAD MORE TIME, BUT WE, WE'RE JUST LAYING
OUT THE PROBLEM THIS MORNING.
UH, LET ME GIVE YOU SOME THINGS NOW TO PRACTICE
PROPER COMMUNICATION.
HUSBANDS, LEARN TO BE MORE SENSITIVE.
CHAPTER THREE AND VERSE SEVEN, "LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE."
ONE MAN SAID, "I'M CONCERNED ABOUT MY WIFE,
SHE GOES AROUND THE HOUSE TALKING TO HERSELF ALL THE TIME."
HIS FRIEND SAID, "DOES SHE KNOW SHE'S DOING IT?"
HE SAID, "NO, SHE THINKS I'M LISTENING TO HER."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
LEARN TO BE MORE SENSITIVE.
NUMBER TWO, BOTH PARTNERS DEAL WITH SELF-CENTEREDNESS.
I'M TELLING YOU THE PROBLEM IN YOUR HOME,
IF YOU'RE HAVING A PROBLEM, IS EGO AND PRIDE.
DIE TO YOURSELF.
MOST MARRIAGES NEED TWO FUNERALS AND ONE WEDDING,
WHERE YOU DIE TO YOURSELF AND TAKE SELF
OFF THE THRONE AND ENTHRONE THE LORD JESUS,
CHAPTER THREE VERSE EIGHT.
BE WILLING TO OVERLOOK YOUR PARTNER'S PROBLEMS.
YOU ARE NOT A PERFECT PERSON AND THIS PERSON
IS NOT A PERFECT PERSON, AND IF THEY ARE NEGATIVE,
OVERLOOK IT FOR A WHILE IN ORDER TO GET THINGS RIGHT.
STOP BEING SO WORRIED ABOUT YOURSELF.
NUMBER FOUR, IF SHE HAS A CLOSED SPIRIT
OR HE HAS A CLOSED SPIRIT,
TRY TO FIND OUT WHY, CHAPTER THREE AND VERSE 11.
I HOPE YOU'LL, UH, LOOK AT THESE.
IF YOU NOTICE THAT YOUR WIFE IS SULLEN OR YOUR HUSBAND
IS QUIET OR COLD OR DISTANT, BEGIN TO WORK ON THAT.
CREATE SOME AREAS OF, OF, OF COMMONALITY.
PUT SOME FUN BACK IN YOUR MARRIAGE. LIGHTEN UP.
LAUGH AT YOURSELF, LAUGH TOGETHER.
DON'T LET YOUR MARRIAGE BE DULL.
LIGHTEN UP.
NOT ONLY DO YOU NEED TO WORK AT YOUR MARRIAGE,
YOU NEED TO PLAY AT IT. KEEP ON DATING.
BUT LAST OF ALL, MAKE TIME FOR COMMUNICATION.
PLAN FOR IT.
OUR VERSE TELLS US TO SEEK PEACE; TO SEEK IT.
YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
YOU AS HUSBAND AND WIFE NEED, UH, AT LEAST A HALF AN HOUR
FOUR TIMES A WEEK AS A MINIMUM WHEN YOU GET AWAY.
TAKE HER TO A RESTAURANT, DOESN'T HAVE TO BE EXPENSIVE,
GO FOR A DRIVE, GET AWAY FROM THE KIDS,
GET AWAY FROM THE TELEVISION;
DON'T BRING UP ALL THOSE NEGATIVE THINGS.
JUST BEGIN TO TALK, COMMUNICATE,
DROWN INSULTS IN A RIVER OF LOVE.
I'LL TELL YOU, THERE'S A PRICE TO PAY,
AND IF YOU'LL THINK ABOUT IT, FOLKS, IF YOU'LL THINK
ABOUT IT, THIS WHOLE SECOND CHAPTER,
THIS WHOLE SECOND CHAPTER TELLS ABOUT JESUS
DYING ON THE CROSS, THE JUST FOR THE UNJUST,
THAT HE MIGHT BRING US TO GOD.
HE TOOK THE INITIATIVE.
WE LOVE HIM BECAUSE HE FIRST LOVED US.
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IN YOUR HOME, LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
IS QUIT TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER AND CHANGE YOURSELF.
DO YOU KNOW THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE GOING TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER,
LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, THE ONLY WAY
YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO CHANGE THEM
IS TO GIVE THEM SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO REACT TO.
YOU CHANGE YOURSELF AND THEN THEY CANNOT BE THE SAME
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE SAME.
THEY HAVE TO REACT TO YOU IN A DIFFERENT WAY
BECAUSE YOU ARE DIFFERENT.
THAT'S THE WHOLE THING.
CHRIST, THE JUST FOR THE UNJUST.
QUIT TRYING TO PROVE WHO'S RIGHT OR WRONG, WHETHER YOU BE
THE HUSBAND OR THE WIFE.
THERE'S A PRICE TO PAY.
JESUS PAID A PRICE WITH HIS OWN BLOOD;
THE RESULT IS THAT WE LOVE HIM WITH ALL OF OUR HEART.
YOU LAY DOWN YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR WIFE, FOR YOUR HUSBAND.
PRACTICE CHAPTER THREE VERSE ONE, WIVES,
AND VERSE TWO AND VERSE THREE.
HUSBANDS, PRACTICE CHAPTER THREE AND VERSE SEVEN
AND YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT YOU'LL HAVE SOMETHING VERY, VERY WONDERFUL,
A HOME WHERE YOU BOTH COMMUNICATE
AND IT'LL BE A LITTLE BIT OF HEAVEN.
LET'S BOW OUR HEADS IN PRAYER.
HEADS ARE BOWED AND EYES ARE CLOSED.
FATHER, I PRAY TODAY THAT MANY WILL COME TO JESUS
AND THEY'LL GIVE THEIR HEARTS TO HIM AND BE SAVED.
LORD GOD, I PRAY THAT HOMES THAT HAVE BEEN, UM, UNRAVELING
AND DISINTEGRATING WILL BEGIN TO COME BACK TOGETHER.
I PRAY, LORD, THAT ALL OF US WHO'VE BEEN SO FULL OF PRIDE
AND SELFISHNESS AND TRYING TO BE RIGHT WOULD LAY
OUR RIGHTS DOWN AND ACCEPT OUR RESPONSIBILITIES,
FOR WE PRAY IN THE NAME OF JESUS. AMEN.
♪ ♪
LOVE WORTH FINDING IS HERE TO STRENGTHEN CHRISTIANS
IN THEIR FAITH AND TO REACH OUT TO THOSE WHO MAY NOT KNOW JESUS
THROUGH THE PLAIN-SPOKEN, BIBLICAL WISDOM
AND TEACHING OF ADRIAN ROGERS.
IF, AFTER LISTENING TO TODAY'S MESSAGE,
YOU HAVE A QUESTION, A SPIRITUAL NEED,
WANT SOME STUDY HELPS OR JUST HAVE A DESIRE TO KNOW JESUS,
PLEASE CONTACT US AT THE NUMBER LISTED ON YOUR SCREEN
OR AT LWF.ORG.
NOW, WITH A FINAL MESSAGE HERE'S PASTOR ROGERS.
LET ME SAY ONE MORE WORD.
THINK OF MARRIAGE AS THE HUB IN A WAGON WHEEL.
THINK OF THE RIM OF THAT WAGON WHEEL, UH, THE PLAN OF GOD
AND THE LOVE OF GOD FOR MARRIAGE.
BUT NOTICE AS THE SPOKES GET CLOSER TO THE HUB,
THE CLOSER THEY GET TO ONE ANOTHER.
DO YOU KNOW JESUS CHRIST?
IS HE THE CENTER OF YOUR LIFE?
IS HE THE CIRCUMFERENCE OF YOUR LIFE?
PRAY AND ASK HIM TO COME INTO YOUR HEART, FORGIVE YOUR SIN,
CLEANSE YOU, SAVE YOU AND MAKE YOU
WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO BE.
AND I PROMISE YOU, ON THE AUTHORITY OF THE WORD OF GOD,
HE WILL DO JUST THAT.
AND DO IT TODAY!
AND IF YOU DO, WRITE TO US AND LET US KNOW
SO WE CAN REJOICE AND WE WILL SEND YOU FREE,
ABSOLUTELY FREE,
A PACKET OF MATERIALS TO HELP YOU TO GET STARTED
IN YOUR CHRISTIAN LIFE. GOD BLESS YOU.
♪ ♪
WE HOPE THAT TODAY'S MESSAGE HAS BEEN A BLESSING TO YOU.
TO LISTEN TO OTHER MESSAGES IN THIS SERIES,
FIND OTHER MATERIALS RELATED TO TODAY'S MESSAGE,
OR TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT LOVE WORTH FINDING MINISTRIES,
VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT LWF.ORG.
AT LWF.ORG, YOU CAN HEAR HUNDREDS OF MESSAGES
FROM ADRIAN ROGERS THROUGH OUR AUDIO AND VIDEO ON DEMAND.
YOU CAN ALSO SIGN-UP TO RECEIVE A DAILY DEVOTION
FROM ADRIAN ROGERS, DELIVERED DIRECTLY
TO YOUR COMPUTER OR MOBILE DEVICE EVERY MORNING.
NEXT WEEK, JOIN US AS WE FINISH OUR SERIES, "ONE LORD, ONE LOVE"
WITH A MESSAGE FROM ADRIAN ROGERS THAT WE ALL NEED TO HEAR.
NOW, THE REAL PROBLEM IS NOT WETHER OR NOT
WE'RE GOING TO GET INTO CONFLICTS
BUT THE REAL QUESTION IS HOW DO WE SETTLE THEM?
NOW SOME FOLKS DON'T DO A VERY GOOD JOB OF SETTLING
THEIR CONFLICTS.
I BELIEVE RATHER THAN BEING MARRIED BY THE JUSTICE OF PEACE
THEY WERE MARRIED BY THE SECRETARY OF WAR.
AND THAT WAR JUST GOES ON,
RIGHT ON THROUGH THE MARRIAGE.
SO I WANT TO TALK TO, TODAY ABOUT HOW TO FIGHT FAIR,
HOW TO HANDLE CONFLICTS AND ESPECIALLY HOW TO DEAL WITH ANGER.
JOIN US NEXT TIME FOR, "HOW TO HANDLE CONFLICTS."
AND DON'T FORGET, YOU CAN CATCH UP WITH OUR PROGRAM
EACH WEEK AT LWF.ORG,
AND ON OUR FACEBOOK AND YOUTUBE CHANNELS.
THANKS FOR JOINING US TODAY; WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Announcer: LOVE WORTH FINDING IS A VIEWER SUPPORTED MINISTRY
AND WE NEED THE HELP OF FAITHFUL VIEWERS LIKE YOU
AS WE SHARE THE LOVE OF CHRIST EACH WEEK.
AND AS A THANK YOU FOR YOUR FINANCIAL SUPPORT THIS MONTH,
WE'LL SEND YOU THE "ONE LORD, ONE LOVE" COMPANION STUDY GUIDE
TO THE "ONE LORD, ONE LOVE" SERIES.
INSIDE, YOU'LL FIND HELPFUL INFORMATION TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE BOND
A STRONG, GODLY RELATIONSHIP.
PRAYERFULLY CONSIDER BECOMING A MONTHLY PARTNER.
THANK YOU AND MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU.
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