All right, we're going.
Yay, welcome everyone to the sex and relationship QA.
How did I get so lucky to host such a controversial chat.
I have lots of really cool people on here from all over the world,
from all different backgrounds, all different relationship statuses,
all different sexual statuses I guess you could say.
So I would love to just dive in.
The whole reason we're actually having this is,
Access Consciousness has a wide array of tools,
processes, books and resources that are truly actually designed
to create greater possibilities with this area
- that is often kind of crunchy for people - in the area of sex and relationships.
We have a class coming up with Gary Douglas and dr. Dain Heer
September 2nd to the 5th it'll be live streamed online and
we've been talking with the people working with the class and we were
sharing all of these you know things that have occurred in our lives we
thought hey let's get together and actually talk to people so that other
people in the world like you guys watching um have a different possibility
promoted to you so that you can choose it if that would work for you we're
going to inspires or maybe laugh or get embarrassed I might turn red we'll see
what happens kind of as my brother comes out he's a little he's the one that will
purposely embarrass me so guys welcome I have Amanda and Andrea everyone hi
everybody hi from Stockholm I have Peter Kelsey I draw little belly
I have Gaia I'm going to butcher your last name say you should say it way
better when you say it actually means Plus knowing since at least 1 ozma
Bachner ha ha and right now I'm in Switzerland doing
SOP pop from Vancouver is to them it's awesome hahaha we have
soaring laughing hi hi from Copenhagen Denmark I have school and Tiffany thank
you from Australia I know I have this too Lika I don't know where you are
oh good I'm glad you don't so I'm from India this is the new government dumb
I'm Ashley and then hug I'm in The Hague in Netherlands right now doing
foundations here yeah how's the amazing Laura Murray
hello Queensland Australia I'm on Ozzy now and there's you know and cannot be
so you know weird the welcome guide um I just I guess I'd like to start with we
can go through you know each one of you a little bit and go through what's
actually if you could actually talk to the person you were before you found
these tools and books and processes or actually just tap into that what's
changed for you what did you what do you know now that you wish you would have
known men so we'll start with Amanda go all the way I love it and you just blew
it from the protesters oh my god oh you want to go no no well I mean I started
using the tools seven years ago and it's it would actually be talking to a
totally different person when well before I started using schools and one
of the reasons why I started using the tools is because I was just about to
take my life actually I just had enough and and then my brother came and he
bumped into new civilian and introduced me to me to introduce me to access and
got my bars run and etcetera etcetera and I started using this wasn't really
literally changed my life around completely industry more of me and
started finding me again after many years that it really felt like I found
an old friend again and and then you know holidays you know
you start using the schools and you forget about it and you stop using them
and you get back into the funk of things and as after a ten-year old relationship
where the last nine months of that one was really really crunchy and I kind of
was buying to the suffering and trying to make it work and all this one day I
was going to couple therapy with my ex and after the first five minutes I just
took out my credit card and I said I'm done I'm paying and I'm done and they
said well we haven't we have just started and I said well you might have
just read it but I'm totally done with everything not just be special but I'm
done I'm choosing happiness I just want to be happy so bye guys
and I left he's having a dramatic and what happened within the next 24 hours
of making this request to the universe or being happy and choosing happiness
guess what showed up or we showed up better and we meant on the zoom you know
just like this and I saw her we didn't know each other and I just saw her and
her energy just told me no it make me know that Amanda would be probably the
greatest contribution in my life but I didn't know how and also when I made
that choice of choosing happiness and not being in that relationship before I
also assumed that since I'm traveling I'm a photographer whatever just wanted
to have fun you know have lots of sex have fun around the world and just enjoy
myself basically you know not buying into this relationship anymore and and
then the day after the seminar I was at creativity evening with mood and I
didn't know that she was going to be there and Amanda and Amanda was standing
there she was one of the hosts and I was like oh my god okay there she is again
and again energy was pulling even stronger and stronger that's how we
started and and that's what I really chose to really start using the tools
you know what bye bye finishing that previous relationship and
choosing acronyms and realizes that everything was a choice and I decided to
use the tools and choose all myself for what was working for me and not from
functioning from what this reality would like you to function from and that was I
think you were about to say which you didn't quite see it as you assumed that
if you were choosing happiness and choosing for you and choosing to travel
the world that you may have not ended up back into a relationship
exactly no totally and that's exactly what I want to say thank you Megan is
that both Amanda and I were in that space of not really wanting another
relationship we were not there we were not looking for another partner we're
not looking for another relationship we were quite happy in being ourselves with
ourselves and enjoying life and I think it's always show up the way you least
expect them to and and the awareness that that we both got that we would do
contribution to each other turned out to be even more than we expected then we
could possibly imagine because not only we creating this amazing relationship
but we're training our lives in terms of our business we're working together now
we're traveling the world together now we're creating a lot of different things
that we didn't even think of then and and things show up every single day so
where I'm trying to get is that when you when you're into question and making a
request of what is really true for you then you know just just open up and the
universe just like makes me pour down on you literally provided but pour is
Italian you and after just a few months you know I heard myself or my body
proposing to a man in the middle of the night and while I was hearing my voice
coming out of my mouth I was thinking what the hell you say you really down
that road don't do it again and even more surprising I heard Amanda
actually say yes of course I may be surprised by my answer is all
actually even and it also very liked the water that what are a few tools because
you guys are engaged you're watching married and you appear to be you know
amazing and bubbly and loved and I'm sure there might be bumps but I'm
wearing what tools you guys have used you know to just keep choosing that and
following that energy because that things just keep getting greater and
greater every single and I think you want onto them and it really is that
thing of actually being persistent and just keep on using the tools and if
something comes up and if something gets wonky or whatever them is just to keep
on going until you get to the lightness but I must say that one of the major
ones that we use a lot is just to have allowance as that like oh god that
creates so much to just have allowance for yourself for each other to not judge
anything at all even though sometimes we scream at each other in the middle of
the night and we just think that moment we just hate each other it's for like
okay this is okay as well as nothing wrong with this just let it out and let
it be and then was what's so amazing as never I never even thought it was
possible to have a relationship like this way where I'm not being judged
where I'm not being made wrong where the only person making me wrong is myself
and I even get a manner to facilitate me on that 120 to get me out of that very
interesting point of view I'm really having each other's back and
and also this thing came up just a few days ago as well about Gary as he
doesn't know about having open doors you know the back door open basically and
and and also also gained like yeah of course I I don't have any back doors
open you know I'm committed to this relationship and and there's a whole
discussion of commitment as well in access which is you know all other
saying and and I was convinced that I didn't have any back doors open
until a few days ago we have this discussion where I was buying into like
the fear of being left by Amanda and AM and all of a sudden pure genius just
turns out as a vegetable back door is wide open and I was like no it's not my
backdoor so yes that's that your backdoor endures and to be in with so
much being so vulnerable to actually be there and have these discussions with
each other and help each other get out of it and put things like the back doors
right in front of each other's face saying look here is do you want to deal
with it are you really to close it now what are
you going to do about it I'm here if you need me if you want
space I give you all the space you need and really being in this total allowance
that's the refreshing thing that this is one thing to answer your question Megan
UPS you know what what tools were using and what what was it in basically I like
that thank you and we'll probably go into you know we have a lot of people
watching we have a couple hundred people on some of them have probably never
heard of access and the whole concept of allowance is again very twisted out in
the world so we'll I'd like to go on and we'll come back to that too because this
is a very different way that you guys are talking about it is very different
you don't probably allow each other to just walk all over each other so that
allowance is different so we'll keep continuing there but it's best to come
back to it and thank you so have it have you guys off so you're inspiring I mean
ones like Jared how much out there that thinks access consciousness like doesn't
like relationships and and what they continuously say is we just don't like
bad relationships so he's like I have the tool to actually create a
relationship it makes your life greater not that cuts your you know legs off so
moving on let's go to mr. Soren
hi yeah I guess I was your first question about what we would what was it
we would tell ourselves later see you then
yeah I would probably tell myself to be not so focused on finding the perfect
relationship and actually start having more fun with sex I was like really
really focused on finding that perfect relationship I was mr. Disney Prince
being whatever and from a family where that's basically what you went for and
and like it actually pushed me into depression and other different things
really aiming for that and I would probably also tell my body how aware it
is I took on a lot of stuff from other people to a point where I didn't have
sex for two years in my mid-20s that's not normal
in with twenties but I was really really really aware without knowing what was
going on oh yeah there are so many things I could go with do you do you
want to talk about you know if you want to go into more about the either one I
mean I think it it's for this for this zoom in particular I'm not sure how far
we can go with the fact that your body picks up so much I mean other people are
just being around people but that is huge it's just you know add up so I
would say let's you can touch there but also know that if you're listening to
that and you are like holy shit what did he just say um class over huge you know
it relaxes you and and you know you just don't realize how much your body
pick up from other people so do you want to say anything more about that what
tool what tools do you use now to actually not be you know do you just not
have sex people because your body is going to pick up their stuff or what
tools do you use to actually have you and still have fun with other people's
bodies yeah so basically I ask a lot of questions to see what it's like for me
and and I had a conversation actually with both Gary and day in about the
whole thing of having sex with somebody and and I'm pretty sure that's one of
the greatest places to even practice the tool who does this belong to because
there's so much going on in that moment and there's so much we like points of
views that we actually bring into that situation so for me there's a lot of
food as this who does this belong to at the moment
and basically a lot of allowing myself to have fun with whatever shows up and
like not watching me when I make a choice of whatever it is of doing
something or not doing something and then you see what actually like what
what does it create for me what does it great for my body and I have to say like
even before this call I had two freaky look at myself in the mirror and be like
I'm such a newbie with this like I feel like such a newbie and then I realized
how many of us is actually totally newbies in this area like yeah I'm just
like whoa that is huge for me yeah I would say that we are all newbies
respected I'm late on your and she and I have a similar thing I'm sure the people
in here when I first actually started when I was my first advanced class was
Gary Dane I was willing to walk in that room and have them basically change
everything I would look at anything except
for my relationship because I had just gotten engaged I had just found a guy
that didn't think I was totally fucked up you know it was like you can go
anywhere but don't touch this you know and so I thought that if I actually dug
into it and looked at you know actually creating something greater that somehow
that it would go away and that's dusty I'm squirtle together like it's actually
gotten so much greater but it's so funny how this area is just I don't know what
it is but it's one of the most likable places to explore because somewhere you
know I don't know I guess we are all newbies thinking that we're going to get
it wrong somehow or some don't even know what it is so yeah well I'm gonna babble
on to relate but I'm here I was tardy tardy but here to party very good
welcome yeah and just like there's so much where we function from something
that we've been told and for some reason this area and this topic as you just
said is so vulnerable for many of us to even look at and I like I walked into
access with the point of view that I was not going to have relationships and it's
not until these last two or three months where where I've been starting to look
at what what kind of relationship would be fun for me yeah okay who's up next in
my row is Gaia you're the lucky the lucky one suspecting hi so should I say
with the question you asked already like Isis cool yeah okay I say okay I'm going
to start to say um well I met the executor when I when I was 18 years old
I'm 22 now and until 18 years old I was putting myself in the wrongness from the
dinging relationship I was like what's wrong with me and I mean I'm not
innovation see everyone is or otherwise was like I was being invaded
a single I said yeah regional is good to be on your own and you don't need anyone
and it doesn't true anyway but the the intensity that is here to say yeah but
I'm good on my own now what I see it I see relationship as bonus and the
creation well thread more and from that moment I started to allow myself much
more to accept enough I mean it's not long to not being the restaurant tip and
it's not wrong to be in a relationship both and and then I discovered that I
was in relationship in different time that I thought what was supposed to look
like like being with someone all the time like when I saw four movies
actually I wanted a man like in movies right now and and I'm like it it's nice
but maybe not the reality that I deserve to and I'm actually still looking what I
desire and and yeah I love to explore this way without having any point of
view about why it should look like so yeah I don't know where we can go with
that but yeah I mean I keep I really wish I had the tools when I was being
like 1920 I am so grateful I am so so so grateful I mean yeah I wonder like why
would I choose now if I didn't have this book
we're not doing a relationship because I'm not right now but um I'm having fun
being like on my own or missing people it's like and if one day you are just
like you meet someone randomly like oh maybe it's also in front of you I have I
don't know it's like I meet someone and then for every day it just creates more
it's more is more if it does well it's continues and if it doesn't well okay
was nice meeting you and and see you around and cool and so yeah from my
forum you right now I have no clue how the relationship looks like
haha love it love it love it okay let's go
- what's good - sore and Tiffany
beautiful I can do hi guys hmm um yeah I guess like for me I would
say I spoke to Brendan recently and he said like to me something today just
hadn't heard in the same way and it was just what can I create with this person
and sits like such a simple thing art but I don't know if I would have heard
it the same you know however long ago before I started access but I've been
asking that a lot with everyone that I meet and it's changed a lot like and
just by being in that question of what can I create with this person sort of
yeah gets rid of a whole lot of shit and just um yeah last like space - um yeah
see what's possible with that personally at my am considered before that would be
my be my top tool at the moment yeah about you Symphony I think for me I mean
I'd have to have two top tools but one would have to be who does it belong to
because often times when stuff comes up for us
we'll be like error and then we'll get to a point well like hang on a second is
this even yours No who is this belong to you know we're
even playing out stuff that we've you know bought off you know Society or
parents or you know even we've passed someone in the street and sent something
and not been aware that we've sort of you know brought it home with us and
they're kind of acting it out and playing it out and we've had situations
like that where we were being like where are and then one of us has just been
like is this even yours and we're like no we burst out laughing and it's all
gone you know it's like wow that wasn't even out to be you know playing with to
be so that's a big one for me and allowing you know is huge and it's just
such a gift you know to be able to be playing with someone and creating with
someone and you know we're the same in the sense that you know we have
relationship we have in inherent wood we have business we
have all these things that we create together and at the same time we have we
also have our our own lives you know we go about doing our own things and and I
think that's really important as well that we you know facilitate and support
each other in having our own lives and doing our own things and then we come
together and do what create all these things together and just allow us you
know like no matter where someone's at in whatever moment just being in total
allowance of where they're at and recognising you can either stick around
for it or you can just walk out but you know we we do we use all the tools and
for me personally relationship is actually such a gift in the sense that
there is often a lot of stuff that that comes up that wouldn't necessarily if
you're not with someone you know so often that is just such an opportunity
to use the tools and get more aware and get more conscious about yourself you
know and and the world and relating to people in general and all that kind of
stuff so yes they'd be my top two it's it's also it's also really annoying
sometimes you have to look at stuff that you just wouldn't if you weren't in
relationship you know like it just like okay I can't hide from this it's you
know so in a way it's like sometimes it can be like really frustrating at the
time but um yeah with these tools like you can change everything and yet create
greater with them so yeah I like we've been together like eight years and like
yeah I don't know um you know like whether we would still be together with
that tool like you know new Clemmons stuff all the time I reckon it's really
helped us a lot and I don't even know if if we would have gotten together in the
first place because Gary Douglas actually taught me how to choose a man
and it made me aware of the places that I'd always kind of created situations
that would make men choose me like I'd be sort of choosing them but from from
the second or from underneath somewhere I'd kind of create a situation where
it's about them choosing me and and saw was one of the first and so it was
probably the first man that I actually truly chose and you know I had a similar
situation you know when I saw I passed him on the street and looking back I
literally it's like a little light above his head oh I saw him talk about later
you know we are today hi filers hi
did you really think being aware of what you're choosing and recognize and use
and yes Silas says hi sar we feel he's the cutest kid in the world but I can
say that because my kids not here look later even any kid is cute he does is he
cuter than me I'm like oh my goodness
not possible trees not alcohol no so that's so cool Tiffany because um one of
the things I gained here was interviewed recently by pop sugar it's a huge media
online platform the whole you know stuff on there and they took one 30-minute
interview and turned it into a bio different articles and one of the
articles really about how women sort of think they need to wait for this like
knight in shining armor to comment and choose that so it's such a different a
different energy when you spoke about that like I mean yes playing hard to get
seeing the one that you want but never telling them that you want them and just
hoping they can take if they stick up that you want them you know so do you
guys want to talk about like I mean I think you said it but is there anything
else you want to say to the ladies out there who are just waiting for their
to show up oh yeah I mean I think Maine is not one of these people who work
needed a relationship or I would die I spend a lot of my time being a single
person and I remember actually when I was a teenager at some point kind of
almost looking up to the sky and if I find someone that's amazing
great I'll have that but I'm not going to settle for so you know something
that's not amazing and I never had that need to be in a relationship you know
even if it was crappy and and I look at that now and I'm sort of like oh yeah
that was pretty amazing but with the choosing thing I mean even after I'd
kind of chosen him we also had this scenario on the dance floor where yeah
there was a choosing and then there was me trying to make him choose and then it
cooks like way too long I'm talking like over an hour of us like making eyes at
each other and dancing across the room and actually Gary Douglas in the class
recently said to me so how did you get this guy and I was like I asked to make
you a game cuz we've been making eyes at each other for like over an hour and I
was like all right this is not happening well I just went up to women are you gay
and that was it we've been together ever since
especially mine of all ticket life yeah anything for useful to say to the to the
men out there the ones like see someone like Tiffany and probably are scared to
death Joe pressure um yeah I just like surveys Oh it is at that time like um in
my life I was like just like kind of like fed up with like the conversations
that I was having and like I just I knew that there was like more available and
there was like I didn't realize it at the time but there was like a demand in
my universe for change and for more umm and so like I was asking for that but at
at that particular time like I was um yeah I was going to have it then I had
before there was something really different so yeah when I met Tiffany
like we just had these amazing conversations about all this stuff that
I've never been able to talk about before and um yeah and so um for me it's
like I guess just like looking at what would you actually like to have with a
relationship and like um for us as well like um for me like having having sex
with Disney was very different because it was like I hadn't been able to like
be myself what with other women and stuff but it
was really it was really different with um Jeff so yeah for me that was like a
real gift so I guess uh asking your body
and B can't anything because it doesn't happen nearly enough anymore yeah like I
have a lot to say on this topic and Silas is always like you guys never ever
allowed to have set up but I have a five year old he is similar I don't know
everything we're going to change so a lot of I just wanted to mention in case
you guys if you know the next couple people go into it but a lot of you have
mentioned allowance and there's something within I think which is in the
foundation class of actual consciousness that talks about the five elements of
intimacy and that's allowance honor gratitude trust and vulnerability and I
would say a lot of what you guys have mentioned so far includes all of that
the allowance you know having allowance having honor having gratitude
vulnerability and trust for each other for you for the people that you're with
for my you choose so just to give those concepts out there and we're looking now
to see if they can find a great chunk of like access definitions of those works
because they tend to be very different too so if you guys want to talk about
that you can throw that into this to rehab
hi hey so what's good for you I just I know you're at like a Midian princess
and wondering what that's like for you in terms of a have you sound
French arming are you still looking I felt looking this is not um no actually
Prince Charming in India is a very different concept your parents have to
find it otherwise you've done something wrong if you have to go look for him
yourself like you people so yeah a sec situation is such a it's such an
interesting topic back home um its own 1.3 billion people in a country that
don't want to talk about sex and relationships
here's no it's seriously pretty twisted so having that as something that you
grow up with um and then whole thing that you were born a certain way and
you're born into a certain um plan or cost of these things you have to marry
according to that and I don't know if any most of you know um I've actually
been married before I was married when I was what 23 24 years old and according
to my parents um exactly is the person that they found and so for me sex
relations like twisted concept to begin with it was like okay the man decides
what needs to be done and and what the woman can do and how much you can do and
where she can go a question fortunately is changing and of course thanks to
access I've actually gone ahead and chosen a completely different reality
um which doesn't which means I have more ease with finding what I want knowing
what I want not knowing you know so being clear about what doesn't work for
me and actually being um you know so for me initially even when the matter should
work and before that relationships or all about you forget to meet the person
you spend time with a person maybe have sex with a person and then you kind of
have to stay with a person because you want to make it work right and now it's
more like if I know this is not working within a couple of times that I meet the
person it's like no for me like I mean my need to do
relationship or be in a relationship is like it's pretty non-existent now um and
and and just like I think Amanda and Andrea was saying exactly when I stopped
looking at she just met someone a few months back and I've used all the tools
and all this and it's actually I'm staying here at his house so in the
Netherlands and it's actually very new very thin into all 600 people people
it's not like this works this shit work this is something you can actually find
someone kind and caring and contributors um I've actually I refused to settle on
being me I refuse to settle on um the person that I I worked on being you know
this so when I can be allowance and caring and gratitude in order and
vulnerability for me I would like that from the other person had it actually
it's just so much more easier to receive that from someone as well like you were
talking about um it's easier to receive it because you can be that for you so
literally to the last four years and access maybe to the date even you know I
think four years ago I was doing foundation for the first time ever it's
just been an amazing everything's changed everything so yeah thank you
Gary and Dane what would you you know you spoke about like basically the
choice to sort of go being on what your culture has in place that did it
what was that like and I can only imagine it may have taken a shitload of
courage just a little bit easier with the tools like did you or can you talk
about that yeah sure um so the good part about access tools it it actually
doesn't take courage more it just takes plain them yeah exactly
which is first to take art yes absolutely
so now I take courage I I agree because there are times that I felt like
something must be wrong with me my friends have you know kids or you know
they're doing you know they're doing settle they look stable even though
they're miserable and unhappy but certain something why am I not you know
getting that and why can't I be that and trust me now that I've met someone
it's just it's so totally worth working on yourself and being so clear about
what works for you and what doesn't that it just gets so much easier for the
University scope sure now now we know what you want now we know whether you
really own or little for and also this whole in and out business like I want
something I don't want someone I want someone until this whole constant battle
that goes on in our heads um about know I can be my myself I think
I uh spoke about it no I'm fine with myself like I don't need anybody it's
just the willingness to receive another person and the contribution they can be
and what the relationship can bring what sex can bring to your body and ease and
all of that like to me um yeah I've done the whole fight with it which is like I
don't need it I don't need anybody I got I got this I'm great by myself too now
going like oh my god it's so nice to be what someone is so nice when they're
kind of caring and nurturing for you and your body
so yeah cool it's funny there's I need to find me where I wrote it down uh no I
just um the title of this class that I mentioned at the beginning is when sex
is no longer fun and relationships is fleeting what choice do you have
and it's very interesting because there are so many people sorry I'm looking for
what I had something somewhere the voice leading is a word that actually doesn't
translate very well into many different languages so we have a translator let me
find it really quick we had to find a different way of basically explaining to
translators what that word means and the the definition that we came up
with not the definition but the other term was a catch-22 hmm which is like
this you're not happy it's like in a relationship you know it like this thing
you just describes really get it slow interesting I'm trying to find it really
quick oh yeah it's almost like being bipolar you see something
quite from one end to the other like I want one no I don't want one I won't
wonder I don't want my chicken so yeah no so here's the other part about here's
the other part of the description I can't find a thing about the catch-22
but hope you guys get the sense of that so this class is about recognizing the
places that you are creating from that continually spin you out and leave you
running in circles trying to achieve something you cannot even achieve
because you do not even know what it is but you want to achieve okay there you
go
that people have most of the time when they you know we don't ask they're not
clear on what they're asking for but it's hard to get care because the Sonata
should be you seen I mean the way people don't talk about sex but yet want to
have sex all the time and beautiful so it's like what was really so yeah I
guess is constantly changing you know like I don't know I I've now been with
my husband for 10 years what so interesting to see what comes up
is like we have to keep choosing and changing otherwise it is not fun and
that is that sense of you know stuck together is fleeting so anyway let's I
know there's questions coming in on the chat and I will get to those I wanted to
just get through three other people or two other people
creative people and then I will kind of randomly go through a bunch of questions
really fast okay Laura Marie
hi what what would you like to add to this conversation oh geez
that's a wide open question um yeah so I'm married now and I have two little
twins they're two years old and I would say the five elements of intimacy
absolutely anytime we get into any sort of funky space is is really vital like
looking at gratitude and have finding something to be grateful for pretty much
gets you out of any upset you have with someone like a few if you start asking
like what can I be grateful for about this person you pretty much can get over
upset and yeah I don't know I mean there's there's what I should I say this
is so much well I know for I I mean I know you so you were you know you were
kind of notoriously single back in the day and I don't think you really thought
you were going to end up married with two children not really on the on the
plans but you know some people may have may think that that's like a bad place
to be if you thought you're going to be single but you have such a different way
of creating it so just what difference are you guys together and with your kids
and in your relationship that makes it actually something that works for you
yeah I mean I have been married already and I was just doing a single thing and
I was very happy when I met doing and basically got pregnant and with like Oh
hmm okay so um it was some question you know if I choose this what will my life
be like in five years ten years fifty years five hundred years if I choose
this what will the world be like in five years ten years fifty years five hundred
years and I was just like whoa and then if I don't what will the world be like
what will my life be like and I was like oh well that's weird you know and I
always looked at it like a choice and I let their dad have a choice you know was
it like you must be involved or you you know this is what we're going to do
is like what do you want to do you know and he asked questions and I asked
questions and we both like that's really odd it feels really expensive for us to
do this like really twins like ah you know so it didn't make any sense
it wasn't from a plan or anything logical it wasn't something we could
have ever figured out it was just question choice possibility
contributions like okay let's do this like ah you I know that to you that's
normal but you just dropped like three gigantic golden tools
so most people likely don't even use that you they use okay I'm single I just
got pregnant with a guy that I'm having fun with and therefore I need to look
towards what's right or wrong to choose instead of actually asking that question
so I don't know Emily are we sending a follow-up email because I'm kind of
noting like there's a bunch of kind of key ones I don't know if we can send the
follow-up email but that might be nice too I'll see what we can work with our
systems doing with the flow here so so that question is of what when my what
she asked was what would my life be like in the next five ten fifty hundred to
five hundred years because one of the things that is interesting is if you
take it past a hundred years you'll actually take it out of time and even
five hundred years so that you can actually get the energy of what that
choice would actually create for you and for the future and and it's so cool now
because - no you got who you are now and who you were then or what that's kind of
a weird way of saying it but like it is the world is so much greater because
those two twenty ten babies are in it and I can imagine the world without them
I can't I can't imagine it either and I'm really grateful that we chose that
and we still choose every day you know to create our relationships with each
other and we still ask questions every day about being in you know RFM land and
what can you create it's not okay we're done like we're stuck with each other
and like let's just get through the day like you know looking at the
contribution to of us to them them to us and them to each other and you know them
to the world and just how rather than looking at like the where we all fit
together but more what possibilities can we create together and what what do they
want to choose in the world and what do we want to create with them and how can
we create together and yep that's awesome I know you talk as though it's
just natural and it is and I would say sort of our natural way that we have the
ability to function which is so cool and it's so different I just want to point
it out here it is different and I will and I will agree with so and to me that
you just get enough sex but you know and try and just like nap time and stuff
like that but well dive into that on part two like how to have sex with you
know when you've got kids and still be happy or something yeah so let's see
Paula let's hear from you hello how's it going
I am loving this conversation like so much it was so good yeah so um you got
to say what do you have to add to this mom okay so I think one of the questions
that I love that you asked is like what tools do we use in our relationship
whatever that or whatever that looks like and I know the five elements of
intimacy was something that was brought up and that for sure has been key and
even as I when I met my husband and we started dating I noticed that I was more
willing to be vulnerable with him I think that anyone I've ever been with
ever in any like sort of relation and so I think for me that was huge and then
just some more that we played together over the years the more I realized with
those five elements and elements of intimacy have been really key in our
relationship and just really present and then also when I look at that and I kind
of step back I we got married when I was third just before I turned 35 and so
I lived a lot of years as a single woman and they I'm not going to say they were
all easy ears because sometimes I went into the trauma and drama like one every
good news I know what though we're going to let me write the story that we are
sold and by willingly it's in the world sometimes and I realize also that like
the five elements of elements of intimacy with myself I think have been
really key in the ease that now exists in my relationship with my husband in
that like I have that allowance for myself that will not only with myself to
trust for myself so all of those things so that I can then step in to add more
of me I can step into this creation with this other person who also has the five
elements to intimacy with themselves and then together we can create kind of like
what learning was saying like we can actually create something that's so much
bigger than either of us alone could create and that's like that's something
that I am constantly having like new and renewed awareness is around but that's
been huge for me and I would say the other thing is like destroying and I'm
creating your relationship every day and like looking at your relationship like
every day is like what if every day is the first day ever together and how much
fun can you have and how much of an adventure can that be
and like how much more fun can you have when you let go of all the like story
that exists existed you know before that that brand-new day when you you when
you're choosing where you're choosing a new really yeah so to get a sense of
what she's talking about a great movie to watch is fifty first date was where
she literally forgets who she is and who she's with and and what is your
relationship was all that or what if your your life was like that yeah Cole
like that's like the rest left I love those people so good
I mean I'm gonna start using that and then the other thing too that I I will
say that has been really key for is actually like not buying the story so
it's come up a publicize what we're talking about like so often and are like
varying cultures or societies or our parents like they they tell us what
relationship looks like and they tell us like whether we are succeeding or
failing based on some imaginary standards that somebody's created I
still haven't found out who that is but right so we're constantly like measuring
ourselves and kind of finding ourselves wanting if we're going based on someone
else's point of view so like when you kind of come back to it's been brought
up like who else who does this belong to there's so many things in our
relationship or like I have a point of view about what constitutes a good or
bad life and like the more I start to look at those things are a good or bad
lover or a better bad husband or whatever that looks like there's so many
things where I actually start to really look at that I'm like who does this
belong to and it's not at all mine like it's not mine and you know the more I
look at that than where I could actually kind of laugh like this and be like oh
shit okay well so so this isn't just me and I'm now creating this new every day
like what else is possible but what can I create in my relationship with myself
in my relationship with my husband in his relationship with himself that's
going to help just make this more fun than anybody below allowed to have in
sex or relationship I know it's serious like whoever invented all this stuff I
think we ought to be fun and that's sort of the whole point right through totally
okay cool I'm going to get to Peter and then I am there's a couple questions
coming up about how do you have this ease and joy and how do you be with all
of this when your partner or people that you're with or people that you're
sleeping with aren't aware of access or that us consider specific that will come
back really quickly and probably that'll be the end of it okay so Peter hello ah
hi yeah I've been in a relationship for 42 years which is quite some time so a
long time before I even discovered access I was in this chip and somehow we
both wanted to make it work so we both kept working and never
left anything it was never any you know if you get
into all you can never leave it that way I would always want to kind of solve it
before we go to bed okay and you think and so now having access tools now it's
all deepened it's like I feel not small promotion ship closer to her she is not
that attracted to access tool so doesn't actively participate in any of the
seminars or anything I do love and she allowed me to do that but beyond that
she doesn't kind of participate in any access things and yet somehow it's still
work because of Bunce she has allowed for everything I've done
and I do because I did a lot of other things before I do NLP and matrix
energetics and she hold an allowance of those they allowed me to go up will do
that because I was interested in there and the same thing with access finally
now I finally developed and become me and finally only as a person I can be me
now as opposed to trying to be something for everybody else which is always doing
for most of my life and all I can say it's deepen the relationship and
suddenly the five elements of intimacy which I never thought of in those terms
but you know grab a turkey trust is always being trusty cleaners even when
we got him to arguing there was trust and so now we would always both want to
work at it and bring it back together and specific tool to access tools I mean
in these days yet destroying and uncrating the relationship every day is
a big one I do that every day that brings it a new every day
also just Spence I mean when we wanted to have kids
we found that it took along and it wasn't happening so we did a lot of
things including a medical route in fact our owner is an IVF baby but we just
kept assisting and something I learned from
NLP is that what you're doing isn't working do something else anything else
so we would try and do something do be single mode to make this work until it
did so that persistence in going after leading up never giving in never
quitting as kept this relations and deep throughout all this time and it seems to
be constantly renew somehow it never gets old
she was always someone who would cushion on my back first got together so it was
never comfortable in any way whatsoever yet somehow I want in you desire to
continue so didn't kept doing things until it worked till you have this deep
relationship at least beautiful so yes you swing on creating
relationship who does this belong to that I use a lot these days too and yeah
what would my life be like in five years and every time I'm trying to make a
decision what would like my life be five years if I did this will my life be like
five years if I didn't do this so that's basically it and in this place on hoe is
much more a litter with cheese when I with her she has a lastly and I have
allowed her things that I'm not that interested in and off she goes and done
those then we get back together it's great we love that one is the three keys
to creating a great relationship that big area talks about I think period and
also talked about it somewhere in a book maybe it's in the foundation of can't
remember anymore but it's and finding someone who who who lets you do whenever
you you know lets you do whatever you want to do and you let them do whatever
they want to do that contributes due to financially or another ways and the sex
is good so if you have those three things then you're fine don't worry
about it it's going to be good okay and with these tools adding everything in
that ever talks about um just makes it so much
greater so Emily I know you're just supposedly the moderator but I would
like to have your voice on here just real quick what's changed for you
regards to this whole area what would you like to add what you thought earlier
like I remember going to my first foundation clash and reading all the
stuff like that about what makes a great relationship how men and women talk to
each other all that and I was like I'm totally good I'm married I have kids
this is not an area I need to look at and and it's sunny because it was
actually when I looked when I looked at that it was the area where I had bought
the most what we're all talked about the most points of view about you know I
never questioned if getting married was right for me I just sort of thought I
know I want to have kids I'll get married even though my 20s would have
not would have told you that how they might not have been a choice in other
words so it's just really funny it's when you start to question you know what
works for you and like everyone here is talked about when you're choosing what
works for you it doesn't have to exclude other people it doesn't have to you know
it actually makes everything greater so I think from these tools it's learning
that you know what I choose does create greater for everybody and listening to
everyone talk people didn't expect to get married expect to find anyone one of
my favorite sort of ideas is when you when you stop meeting anybody or
anything but that's when the magic shows up I think need is we're taught to form
relationships or intimacy through need and it's actually when you give that up
that the magic kind of shows up so I've been really grateful for that oh thank
you so much better question about it I know Paula of her phone's freezing so
she's not here I her husband is not in access I think she just gives them tools
and he uses them and it's very cute to see the ones that he uses my husband's
not an access he's never taken a class I don't force him to use the tools at all
what I found is the more that I actually choose for me and she's um
you talking pod or have allowance with me like all of this stuff is actually
has nothing you're the other person doesn't have to actually be involved now
it's great to get him to like look at things like what else could be possible
here or what would it take if we did something like this differently and he
usually will go for the ride because he's adventurous in that way but it's
not a deal-breaker at all for me that he's not choosing that because he's
actually choosing it in a different way and I'm actually willing to be the
source for us to get greater as a couple if that makes it so I don't know if
anyone else on here I don't know who specifically with someone who's been
Peter talked about it but store owners like I don't know if you're with an
access person or not oh sorry am I not muted your back
I am back sorry technical difficulties did you say being with someone who's not
an access person or complacent access yes and I oh I mentioned you that you
disappeared I know I'm sorry I was having some
technical difficulties are back you want to turn in real quick um sure yeah
um it's interesting I I mean I think again when it comes down to it it really
is just like coming down to allowance what it was the violence of intimacy are
really key because I think with which specifically somewhat being with someone
who's not playing with access it requires an allowance on the part of
both of you and then also I think that element of trust like I know that Damien
trusts that like if I'm choosing something because I I get that it's
going to create more for me or create more for us like he's willing to look at
it even if he doesn't understand it even if you know he's never like taking a
class there you know like there's that element of like I said trust and just
total allowance where he's willing to be like cool like I get that this is
something you're excited about I'm willing to look at it and it's actually
created so much not just there but also not just with like using the tools just
our marriage and or relationships on our own considering
it goes back to like understanding that one of the greatest tools of access to
teaching you that you always have choice so I think that's one of the things with
the relationships that sometimes we get hung up and I've been hung up to where
I'm like this is not going to work like there's no way like I can't be married
you know and when when you step back and then aside from destroying and creating
when you say okay like am i choosing this whatever this is to be single to be
married to be in a relationship and whatever capacity to have sex to not
have sex I think that's what contributes and so when you're living when you're
living the tool it always creates more so like it's never not a contribution to
your relationship thank you and Lauren did you want to say something or it's
like one of you almost King lost me I did I just wanted to say something but
you know because the person that I'm with right now is not some access in
fact um so it's the longest time he you know whatever bit of information you got
from accessing each I go get schooled up you know whatever forget about for me
twenty went looking and the whole rasz and the whole energy and molecule shit
you just like dude weather that you actually do so um and I did a mistake
free foundation where I'm at and it came up that guy says that you can have a
partner and he doesn't have to be some access but they have to be interested in
a little bit of consciousness and to me that itself is enough like what you said
willing to be the source of creation so with him he's like you say things like
thank you for being you and I'm just like wait that's what my sisters and you
know it's amazing so they don't really have to be from access and some of these
people can actually have show you more about consciousness and show you more
about space and vulnerability than even maybe those people who've done a lot of
classes maybe we the want to need the extra work and these people may be a
little salty I mean what else is possible
um but yeah so I mean he knows diving and and
this step for him that like diving deep diving with the sharks and you don't
truly communion is something that he experiences an irregular basis something
that he goes in depth and I'm and having these elements of you know vulnerability
graduated on and trust me respect me and today is just like oh you know don't
take this the wrong way I don't need you and Yuri and we don't want need each
other like oh my god this is this is amazing so yeah don't
I mean being hummed in a person being from access was never my point of view
at all and so therefore I never created that's myself I didn't want somebody who
who spoke access or talked access or you know and went someone who is just
contributed and kind and caring in so yeah that's my two big I think that's
great because I think once was somebody said like you do you ever get frustrated
or sad if your husband or wife or partner is not attractive is all and and
I do get what you said they have to have a little bit of interest in this whole
concept of consciousness and not make it wrong my husband he listens to me chat
chat chat all day long and then you know if I have a mood or something you know
when I'm being weird I was like what else is possible and so he's definitely
you know he's in he knows he's not making any of it wrong and he's just
like you said he's got his own thing but he does so to find somebody like that if
you want to do relationship and if you have somebody who's making you wrong and
making your you know search for possibilities wrong then have a look at
that like does that actually work for you because then you have the tools to
actually change it which is which is really cool because a bad relationship
somebody just make you wrong I knew that you're having to cut yourself off for
that's definitely you know you have other possibilities and things can
always change so one book that well there's lots of books let's be real but
one book if you're in a relationship or you're getting into a relationship is
divorced less relationships and that's by Gary Douglas and he talks about how
not to divorce you in relationships with other people there's another book called
sex is not a for letter words but relationship oftentimes
is and that's a book by Dame here and Gary Douglas and if you want to explore
the second part and what we're talking about not taking other things on and
having a different possibility when you're with with another body that book
is awesome um anyone else have books I'm trying to let's see what are my other
books up there
living beyond distraction that might be a good one for relationships jealousy
anger rage fury hate all those types of stuff that can come up those are
actually distracting you from actually what's possible when time keys to total
freedom is something I would suggest as though oh okay you're cool on defense
all the patent system so on defense and the done the gentlemen's club on two
books one one for men once for women but trust me you want to read both of them
because they're amazing so um you guys froze so does that mean I'm frozen yes
and now we can't hear you any other
okay a bunch of us full astern I do see him while I'm here step up yeah Emily
and Megan your turkey frozen the US has gone down oh I wonder it's like a little
pie yeah well Peter saw that I don't that was way
too much sex and relationship for this man it meant it was like a timeout if
it's not I don't want no more Lamarr that's not it that gnarly
don't worry you're the host now yes I learned that's what this whole thing was
all about be plastered I should right there what's happening hey goodbye
ladies you're back are we all back on but we want to right here a pleasure all
the citizen it was the Americans that went away okay thanks here you do frozen
again
so thank you guys for joining us face all the guests for coming on and Megan
your employee Megan you're going in and out honey
okay what you saying is thank you so much for being here thank you so much
for being awesome it was a great fun discussion thank you so much
and we had a blast and Megan I think we can hear you again and you know we did
so yes thank you guys for valent we'll send out more info if you're interested
invested and one of these amazing people and you can find them on social media
they've got amazing things going on in the world and check out the access
consciousness sharp on access consciousness comics you want to find
some of those books that we talked about and we'll do our best to send out a
follow-up email with all these yummy tools and Emily thanks so much for being
amazing on the backend and everyone who is involved in this whole entire
production thanks so much and we'll talk to you later
vixen thank you guys bye bye everybody bye
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