On this episode of China Uncensored,
when North Korea is your good neighbor,
you know it's a bad neighborhood.
Hi, welcome to China Uncensored,
I'm your host Chris Chappell.
North Korea has sent a message to China!
Won't you be my neighbor?
Things have gotten a little tense lately on the Korean peninsula.
But North Korea wants to remind China
that it's always been China's good neighbor.
So is it really a problem if every so often
it stops by to ask for a cup of Uranium-235?
China and North Korea have had a bit of
an on-and-off-again relationship.
Back In the 90s, they were close.
A little too close.
And according to one expert,
that decrepit wart-frog even gave
nuclear materials and technology to North Korea—
which is partially how we got into our current mess in the first place.
And so North Korea wants to join the nuclear family,
what's the big deal?
But recently,
China has chosen to side with the American imperialists,
condemning North Korea's nuclear tests,
in what is a total jerk move.
And of course,
the North Korean regime has reacted to this
in an incredibly calm and restrained manner.
By accusing China of being a total backstabber.
A recent scathing commentary in North Korean state-run media
reminded China that back in 1964,
when China conducted its first nuclear test,
and all the countries in the world denounced China,
North Korea had China's back.
They wrote that, quote,
"It was only the DPRK, North Korea
the good neighbor,
which actively supported it and encouraged it
through government statements."
And North Korea is trying to wreck the big party
China is throwing this month—
the National People's Congress.
It's a big once every five year meeting of the Chinese Communist Party,
and every detail is carefully scripted,
because it has to be perfect.
North Korea is questioning
whether the Chinese Communist Party
"Can be entitled to enter the coming Party Conference hall
only when they register the dirty reptile records
of betraying the peoples of the two countries."
Reptile records?
I think North Korea is confused.
The CCP leaders aren't Reptilians.
They're Amphibians!
But anyway,
after some pretty intense pressure from the United Stated,
China has agreed to put in place
yet another round of UN sanctions
in response to North Korea's nuclear test last month.
Overall, these sanctions have "now banned
90 percent of the North's $2.7 billion of publicly reported exports.
As for North Korea's not publically reported exports,
well…there's always forcing diplomats to sell meth.
That's a real thing that's been going on for years.
But anyway,
those UN sanctions also ban all joint business ventures with North Korea
and the use of North Korean workers.
This mostly affects China,
as one of the only countries
with any kind of meaningful relationship with the Kim regime.
Thousands of mostly female North Korean workers in China
have been forced to leave.
Sorry, no more awkward dancing
with your mediocre North Korean food.
These overseas workers
were one of the last lifelines to North Korea.
About 100,000 North Koreans work overseas,
including at restaurants.
They're essentially slaves,
because they have to send their salaries
to the North Korean regime.
About half a billion dollars a year worth.
But now, China has taken away North Korea's slave money.
And that's why North Korea says China is a bad neighbor.
But the response from China has been,
whoa whoa whoa,
you're calling us a bad neighbor?
We're the good neighbor.
You guys wouldn't even exist today
if we hadn't saved your butts during the Korean War.
And if we didn't send food to your starving citizens
during that famine in the 90s,
you wouldn't have anyone left
to force into slave labor.
Plus, we've been the ones trying to talk Donald Trump down
from launching nukes at you guys.
Just listen to our foreign ministry!
"We have always believed that military means
should not be an option to resolve the nuclear issue on the peninsula,
because arms cannot resolve the differences."
Unless those arms are giving bear hugs!
Come here, who's the good neighbor?
But really,
North Korea's kind of the bad neighbor here.
I mean, what kind of neighbor tests nuclear weapons
near your property line
without even discussing it with you first?
Plus, North Korean state-run media
just has not been friendly.
But the ups and downs between China and North Korea
actually go back decades,
to the founder of North Korea's communist regime.
Kim Il-sung grew up in northeast China
and fought alongside the Chinese communists against the Japanese.
But eventually the Chinese Communists
turned on the Korean Communists in a racist purge
and tortured and killed hundreds of them.
Kim was lucky to survive.
Mao Zedong later called Kim Il-sung
"a number-one pain in the butt."
And Mao had a big butt.
And in 1980,
when Kim Il-sung named his son
Kim Jong-Il to be his successor,
"China openly denounced hereditary succession
as a vestige of feudalism."
Actually, it was mainly the Amphibian Jiang Zemin
who wanted good relations.
So even though China provides 90% of North Korean trade,
and was most likely responsible
for giving the technology it needed
to start its nuclear program,
the relationship between the two has not always been neighborly.
What do you think?
Leave your comments below.
Thanks for watching this episode of China Uncensored.
Once again I'm your host Chris Chappell.
See you next time.
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