I need to get better at being honest, and that's why your book was so big for me
cuz I genuinely, as arrogant as it sounds didn't think.. I'm like I got an idea what
these guys are about, ya know? This would be an awesome book but
I didn't expect it to open up this huge hole and go "do you see how fucking dishonest
you're being with yourself?" Like that - I wasn't expecting that. I'm not living
authentically and I got really sick a few years ago and I've done a lot of work.
I was living somebody else's idea of me and that made me really, really sick.
Okay, okay. So let's practice we can use this
time to practice that. I'm hearing that you might not be living authentically as you
desire currently. How so? How are you not?
I have four little kids. I, ever since I was three years old - am highly intuitive.
I have dreams, they come true. I do all that weird whoo-whoo shit.
I really suppressed it for a long time because I was just sort of sick of being
the weirdo. And I'm highly, highly sensitive to nature. I have to be in nature.
I grew up on a farm. So what I'm not doing right now is probably..
I have these four beautiful kids. I love being a mom, but.. no but. No but.
Period. I love being a mom.
There are other parts of me that need to be fulfilled, clearly. And I've lost the ability to
find them right now. But that said, I generally do - I can't do a great deal of
exercise. Or I can't drive long distances and things like that. My body's just not
up for it. It gets very, very tired.
I think what I would love to focus on in
the beginning of this call is the langualogy of certain words the I heard
you use - that you "need" to do this, you "can't" do that, you "have" to do this. In my
opinion all three of those words may be an indication of a lack of authenticity
in what you're even saying. I don't believe in "cant's." I don't even know if I
believe in "needs." It depends on how it's being used. I understand human beings
need oxygen to live but it seems like what you're
saying you "need" are more desires and what you have to have
are more desires. So I think maybe starting with a more congruent
communication. Like really literally meaning what you say - that might be a
good start to get on that path of authenticity. Let me see if I can pass this
baby off to her mama. Whoaaaa. This goes to like the postulates
idea of the book that, you see what you're looking for, you get what you give,
you have everything that - this is it. This is it. And I think I'm really - I believe
you're an amazing woman. Just like the four beautiful children that you showed
me. But it seems as like there's - I would like for you to be more concentrated on
meaning what you're saying and I think it sounds like there's a lot..
I would almost rather Om with you because - or speak a lot - hear a lot less words
because I believe you have a real potency in what you're saying but you're
saying it in so many words that are not - I don't believe you would believe. So
that's one thing. That's one thing. Like how can we get you to say more with less words?
My husband would love that. I think that probably speaking less from my head
and way more from my heart - and that's why meditation..
but even these - I'm gonna cut you off because those are concepts. Head,
heart. You're a whole being with a head and a heart and I understand light and
dark, God and the devil, the head and the heart.
These are still concepts. Like let's take you as a whole being. I want to hear you
from a whole perspective without fragmenting all these different ideas
and conceptualizing all these different departments and throwing them - this is
bad, this is good, this is that, this is that.
Om
So, how would I conceptualize everything that's going on with my into less words?
Is that the question?
What I'm asking us how can you say more with less words?
I don't know. I think that's where I'm really stuck. I..
Do you really believe your stuck?
Do you really believe you're stuck or is that just this regurgitation of a
spell that somehow you picked up a long time ago that you're regurgitating
without even really meaning?
I really believe that I know what my authentic life looks like
and I can't work out - it's like this tiny little.. it's not a montain, it's like a speed bump.
And it's like I get to the top of that speed bump and I fall back and I get to the top
of the speed bump, and I fall back. And I, I'm wondering if it's - you're right.
Like a, yeah - regurgitation of shit that's just been picked up over the last sort of
ten, twelve years - or if it's..
Have you spent a day in silence?
No.
Have you ever spent like more than two hours in
silence when you were awake?
No. Probably not. Probably not in the last twelve years.
Alright so what I'll say right off the bat is I don't
know if there's anything I can tell you that's more powerful than you
spending some time and silence whether maybe it's starting with a day where you
don't talk until noon, one week. Maybe the next week you don't talk until 4 p.m.
Maybe the next week you don't talk to 8 p.m. And maybe the fourth week you don't
talk for a whole day. I imagine any of these potential spells
that you may auto-pilotely regurgitate will - the light will be shed on them. By
not speaking to them, paradoxically. It's gonna be like that silence might dispel those.
It may come - it may be like "Oh my gosh. Now that I'm not giving myself
the permission to put this spell on me it's no longer
working." And I'm not sure if you've seen me doing the videos where the breathwork
Wim Hof has popularized it. A type of a
holotropic breathing or even oming - maybe some of these communication
techniques where they are beyond words - I have a feeling they'll be very
beneficial to you realizing that speed bump is actually a rocket launch but you
keep calling you a speed bump. It's like it sounds like there's a culture
speaking through you rather than you.
Hundred percent.
And I'm gonna put that in the past. I'm
gonna put that in the past because I think that's a past behaviour and I
believe this conversation we're having right now is gonna catalyze you to start
communicating your personal, universal, deep truth rather than cultural
limitations that almost are coming out of you on - that were coming out
of you on autopilot. Yeah I feel led to not really tell you much or talk
or even really explore much other than that's - and that goes my beeper right
there funny enough. I feel like some.. Silence has served me so well. It has
served me so much - even just breaking the habit of saying what I want to say and
realizing I don't have to say in words. I can sit with it and then I can maybe get
a deeper truth that I can talk about tomorrow has served me so much that I'm
like "wow this is what I'm sharing with her right now" and I'm gonna add you to a
Facebook group of all the people that I've done these two calls with and maybe
who knows what will come out of it. I'm so thankful for your time and for - these
are so important for me as well. I'm learning so much about myself doing
these. And for introducing me to your lovely family and sharing about your
family.
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