Game shows either vet potential contestants so only the best of the best make it through,
or they purposely find the goofiest weirdos on Earth whose ridiculous answers will both
make the audience laugh and make them feel better about themselves.
And judging by contestants like these, it seems TV executives are way more interested
in the latter.
Naked grandma
It takes a lot to be outrageous on Steve Harvey's Family Feud, in which seemingly every survey
is designed to create as many dirty answers as possible.
But one contestant, Rod, still found a way to stand out.
"Something a burglar would not want to see when he breaks into a house?"
Rod!"
"Naked Grandma!"
"Naked hun…?"
Amazingly, he turned out to be right:
"YEA!
Grandma!"
Apparently the judges decided a "naked grandma" fits under the category of "occupant."
"Gun" was lumped in with that answer, too — and to be fair, a gun-toting naked grandma
would be the only thing that's worse.
Surf Clay
It's hard to guess the answer to a puzzle about a song you've never heard.
But you should be able to at least filter out answers in your head that make literally
no sense.
Or, you could be Wheel of Fortune contestant Stephen.
With very few letters left uncovered, Stephen buzzed in to solve the puzzle.
The answer was clearly "Surf City, here we come," lyrics to a song by Jan and Dean from
1963.
But presumably Stephen had never heard this song before...because he said this instead.
"Stephen"
"Surf clay, where we go!"
"Ahh… no."
Now, besides the fact that "Surf Clay, where we go," makes no sense, you've probably noticed
several other issues with this answer.
He guesses "where" for a word with four letters.
Also, "come" is already spelled out completely, and yet he still guesses "go."
Sorry, Stephen.
We searched everywhere, and this is the closest we could find to "surf clay."
Please use it in good health.
Pill-pushers
In this Wheel of Fortune puzzle, contestant Joe scored a cool $1600 by asking for a P.
While the solution to this one isn't quite a slam dunk, there's enough here to hazard
a guess, right?
What there isn't, however, is more than one "P." That doesn't stop Joe, though:
"A group of pill-pushers?"
It's not the worst guess for the puzzle.
But let's just remember: Joe just asked for a P...and, well, if there's one thing you need for "Pill-Pushers,"
it's Ps.
The thing that makes it really bizarre, though, is that it's pretty unlikely that a family
show like Wheel of Fortune would feature a puzzle about 'pill pushers."
Pat Sajak offered a helpful reminder that a kid-friendly game of Hangman is not where
you go to talk drugs.
"This is Wheel of Fortune, Joe!"
So what's the right answer?
"A group of well-wishers."
"yeah that's it"
That's what Wheel of Fortune wants to gift the world, you guys.
Well-wishes.
Not pills or their pushers.
Of course, after this next example from Wheel of Fortune, you might need to take something
to help you forget…
Regis and Kelly who?
On shows like Wheel of Fortune, pronunciation is key.
Contestants have lost thousands of dollars for mistakes as simple as dropping the "g"
from "swimming"...
"Seven swans a-swimmin'!"
"Yea, that's... ah..
"yeahhh"
So if you're ever on the show, remember to enunciate your answers perfectly.
Unfortunately, literally everyone on one particular episode did not.
The answer to the puzzle was very clearly, "Regis Philbin & Kelly Ripa," and contestant
Shane knew it.
He did not, however, know how to pronounce Regis's last name
"Regis Philburn and Kelly Ripa."
"No, I'm sorry."
He was close! but as the old saying goes:
"Close only counts in horse grenades."
"What?"
"It's a saying, if you're playing horseshoes and you throw a grenade at a horse to be that
close and still blow the horse's legs off."
So the next contestant spins, adds another letter, and then goes bankrupt — you got
greedy, Lee!
When play comes back around to George, who only has $900, he does what any sensible person
would do when the correct answer is staring you in the face: spend what little money you
have buying vowels to fill in the puzzle you already should know the answer to.
Now George only has $400 left.
Time to solve!
And he does...except…
"Regis Philbin and Kelly Reepa."
Wrong again.
Back to Shane, who this time doesn't even bother to spin.
He's already got almost four-grand.
He's got this puzzle in the bag, right?
"Regis Philman and Kelly Ripa."
"No!"
Back to Lee!
He spins to fill every remaining consonant, leaving the puzzle 100 percent exposed.
So with all the letters on the board, there's no way Lee can screw this one up, right?
"Lee?
Would you like to say what's up there?"
"Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripe-a."
"No."
Finally, just before the show bled into Jeopardy's runtime, the George mercifully solved the
puzzle and pronounced everything correctly.
"George? You want to try and solve this?"
"Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa"
That's the saddest way anyone's ever won four-hundred bucks.
Municipal projects of the apes
When most people drive around, they don't really think about who built the roads they're
on — even when those roads happen to date back over a thousand years.
So you can't really fault Weakest Link contestant Christie for not knowing the answer to this
question:
"Christie in UK geography the road called walking street now form part of the A5 was
originally built by which civilization?"
Could be anyone, right?
Maybe the Vikings made it, or maybe it was the Gauls, or perhaps it could have even been
the Romans — which is the right answer.
Or maybe it was…
"Apes."
Yes...maybe it was the apes.
Black zombies
Over the last several years, zombies have come into their own in the world of entertainment.
We've got several TV shows and endless movies all about zombies, so it stands to reason
that most folks might know how to describe them if asked to do so point-blank.
Well, most folks besides Christie...who might have some, uh, issues to work out:
"Name something you know about zombies?"
"Christie."
"black."
"They're black? Okay."
That's not a great answer in general, but it's much worse when the person asking you
is Steve Harvey — who, to Christie, maybe looks a little like a zombie.
How does Christie justify her answer?
"I don't know if they're white, or…"
Sure, that's technically true.
Just like some cars can be red and others can be yellow, some zombies are white, and
some zombies are black! Christie doesn't see zombie race.
Anyone can be a zombie in Christie's America!
"It's up there!"
"You shut up, lady."
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