- Hi, I'm Jackson Bird,
and today we're talking about how to get a gender therapist,
and what to expect once you get one.
(fun, upbeat music)
So, the most important factor in me finally coming out
and transitioning was seeing a therapist.
But, it was also pretty much the hardest part
of my transition.
I had "go see a therapist" on my to do list for years,
like literally, four-and-a-half years,
I was trying to do it.
Like, just getting the will to take that first step.
I would like, get on phone calls after doing some research,
and then there would be some small problem,
and I would just give up
and not do it again for a couple years.
So I know how tough it can be to get over that first hurdle
and see a therapist, especially when you are at a point
where you're kind of low, and like really need a therapist.
It is stupidly, paradoxically, so much harder.
But, I also know how incredible of a difference it can make
to go see a therapist.
So, before we get into gender therapy specifics,
I just wanna recommend that everyone go see a therapist,
whether you are struggling with something or not.
It's just great to have an impartial person to talk to.
So, in keeping with that, I'm pretty stoked that today's
video is sponsored by betterhelp,
which is a site that makes therapy more accessible.
Betterhelp is an affordable online private service
that connects you with a therapist or counselor
anywhere, anytime, via text, phone call, or video chat,
as often as you need it.
Like I said, I know how tough it can be to find a therapist,
and then to even think about going in person.
And I have known several trans people
who have done online therapy as a first step,
before going to see a gender therapist
because traditional therapy was too cost prohibitive,
too far away, too intimidating of a first step,
or too dysphoric to think about going in person.
So betterhelp is a great way to get professional support
in your home, whenever you need it.
All of the counselors are trained and accredited
with Masters or Doctorate Degrees in their field.
That said, they cannot give you an official diagnosis,
prescribe medication, or for example,
like write a letter that would enable you
to then get hormones.
But, they can help you sort out your thoughts,
get some coping mechanisms,
and provide all of the other invaluable benefits of therapy.
So if you wanna learn more and sign up for a membership
that gives you unlimited counseling,
click my link below in the description box.
And thank you again to betterhelp for sponsoring this video.
So, online therapy like betterhelp is a great option
for beginning your gender therapy journey.
And I'd like to share some other tips
for finding a gender therapist,
and what to expect when you get one.
Disclaimer- I am not a professional,
this is not legal or medical advice.
I am just one single trans person,
this is speaking from my experience,
some casual research, experiences of my friends.
Also, at least the finding a therapist portion of this
is gonna be pretty US centric, because that's where I am,
and because we have a lot of gatekeepers
with our health insurance, it's confusing,
we have too many states for one government.
And if you are under 18,
some of this will be a little bit different,
because laws are stricter for you,
there are different regulations.
But you can check out the resources that I'll put
in the description box for more info on those things.
Alright, done with the disclaimers.
So let's talk about why you need a gender therapist.
Most trans and gender non-conforming people
want a gender therapist so that they can get an official
gender dysphoria diagnosis in a letter
that they can then use to start hormone treatments,
or other gender affirming procedures,
or to change the gender marker on their legal documents.
A letter from an accredited medical professional
is still required to do those things
in most US states, and from most providers.
Like, there might be some states that don't require it,
but some surgeons who do,
so you've always gotta like do your research
and compare and find out those things.
Some states and medical providers do do something called
informed consent, which basically means that you don't need
that letter, they're just gonna talk to you
about what the procedure is, and you sign some forms,
and you're good to go.
I could make a whole other video on informed concent,
maybe I will one day.
But the one thing that I will say
relevant to this video about therapy,
is that even if your path to medical transition
does not require a letter,
I still highly recommend some form of therapy or counseling.
Even if you a thousand percent know who you are,
and how you wanna proceed with transition,
starting medical transition can be very stressful.
No, not can be, it is stressful.
And it can be helpful to have someone to talk to
as you navigate a lot of big, physical changes,
and a lot of very delicate, interpersonal changes
that will be going on in your life.
But also, more likely, you don't a thousand percent know
who you are, most of us don't.
You might have some doubts, concerns, fears
that don't invalidate your identity,
but are very real, and worth exploring.
Talking to a therapist can help you feel more confident
and at ease with your decisions,
and maybe you'll uncover some underlying issues
that you weren't even aware of.
So for whatever reason,
you have decided that you want to find a gender therapist,
but how?
How do that?
There are several paths to take,
and I recommend investigating all of them.
First, in the United States,
I recommend going to your health insurance's online portal,
where they should have a place where you can search for
medical providers in your area by specialty,
including mental health services and LGBT filters.
This way you will know for sure what and how much
your insurance covers.
I am trying so hard to not say insurance the way that I do.
Insurance, or insurance.
Insurance.
[Deep Voice] Insurance.
Because everyone makes fun of me,
but it's just gonna happen in this video, alright?
I'm just gonna say it my weird way.
And we're all gonna be cool with it.
But, it might be a little bit harder to tell
if the therapist actually has experience
with transgender patients,
and if they were good experiences.
There are a few ways to figure that out.
Number one, search their website.
Number two, because most of their websites suck,
go to a website like Zocdoc,
which is basically Yelp for doctors,
and see what other people are saying.
Number three, call and ask a few questions.
I know, it's scary to call people,
there's gonna be a lot of scary steps.
This whole thing is basically one scary step after another.
Ask if they've had a trans patient before,
if you're non-binary,
ask if they've had non-binary patients before.
And then ask if they follow the WPATH standards of care.
Details of the WPATH standards of care can sometimes be
criticized within the transgender community,
but if the therapist knows what it is,
and says that they adhere to it,
they're at least going to be better
than a therapist who has no idea
what the WPATH standards of care are.
Because here's the sad truth,
there are a lot of therapists out there
who say that they work with LGBT patients
but have actually never worked with a transgender patient.
Now if you are in a more rural area,
you might not have an option but to be a therapist's first
transgender patient, but avoid it at all costs.
If they haven't worked with transgender patients before,
they might be relying on very outdated medical research,
and stereotypes that could not only harm your chances
of getting that letter that you want,
but also of having you know,
actually effective therapeutic therapy.
Due to historically discriminatory medical practices,
there is a long history of transgender people having to
exchange information about what to say to medical
professionals in order to get the letter that they need.
Don't admit you're gay,
lean into hyper-masculine or hyper-feminine stereotypes.
Definitely don't say that you're non-binary or agender,
all of those things will put you at risk
of not getting your letter, at least traditionally.
And I'm sorry to say that you might still encounter that
with some therapists today.
But, it is my goal in this video to arm you with enough
knowledge as possible to avoid that situation.
So, if you don't feel like you're getting the information
you want from your health insurance's portal,
or if like mine, your health insurance
actually doesn't have that,
there are a lot of other online directories you can use,
Psychology Today's is surprisingly dependable,
and there is a handful of trans-specific ones
made by and for trans people,
which I will link to in the description box.
And that gets me to the next step, which is,
ask other trans people.
You might not know any other trans people in person,
and that is super common when you're just starting
to figure things out, but I can guarantee you,
that there is some type of Facebook group
or online message board of other trans people
in your local city, region, or state.
And these groups are so useful for exchanging medical,
legal, and professional advice with other trans people
and finding the resources that you need,
specific to your area.
I am in a local New York City one,
and I cannot tell you how many times it has just been
invaluable to me.
So if you find one of those,
the other people in the group will be able to
recommend to you which therapists are awesome,
which ones are affordable,
and which ones don't believe in non-binary genders,
which ones are TERFs in disguise, that kind of thing.
Now if you are in a larger town,
or you have access to be able to get to one,
I recommend hitting up the local LGBTQ center.
Not only will they have people on hand to help you find
a vetted gender therapist in the area,
they might even have free drop-in counseling
that you can utilize while you are in the process
of finding a full-blown, regular gender therapist.
They will probably also have support groups
and group therapy that you can go to,
which is so good, and so helpful,
and will probably lead to you making
lots of new trans friends, which is always great.
Alright, so now you have hopefully got a list of possible
therapists, or one really good recommendation
from the community.
First, double-check if your insurance covers them,
or find out exactly how much it is going to cost you.
A lot of therapists, especially LGBT ones
will provide sliding scales,
which means you will pay less based on your income.
Don't be afraid to ask about that,
some of them offer it
even if they don't advertise that they do,
because they don't want people taking advantage of it,
who don't actually need it.
And again, check online reviews,
maybe give them a call to ask them a few more questions,
just do whatever you need to do
to feel fully informed and prepared before you even
step foot into the office.
And then when you go,
if there are any red flags on that first visit,
anything that makes you feel uncomfortable,
go back to your list, and start finding another one.
I mean, I will say, if you're sole purpose is just to get
that letter so that you can start hormones or whatever,
then maybe you're comfortable putting up with some things
in that short period of time that you're
going to be going to this therapist.
But if you really wanna get good,
professional therapeutic help, then don't settle.
And now, once you have found a therapist that feels
comfortable to you, how whatever comfortable means to you,
here is what to expect at your appointments.
One of the first things that they'll probably do
is ask your goals.
Therapists, like teachers and bosses,
really like to hear your personal goals
about things that you think are obvious.
Like, goals, yeah boss, uh, do the job and get paid?
What more do you want?
If your only goal is to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis
letter so that you can proceed with medical transition,
just tell them that.
But if you have some other goals,
like maybe figuring out if you want to medically transition,
or maybe working on some other things like depression,
or anxiety, then let them know that too.
They'll work with you based on what you want
to get out of therapy.
And depending on your stated goals,
the questions that they ask may vary,
but considering you are there for gender therapy,
they'll probably be something like this.
What's your relationship like with your family?
Your friends?
How do you feel about your body?
How do you feel about the way
other people perceive your body?
What do you feel like when you go out in public?
Have you ever gone out in public presenting as the gender
you identify as?
Where do you see yourself in the future?
What was your childhood like?
They're gonna basically ask for your life story,
and every version of how you relate to your gender
that you could possible imagine,
and how all of that makes you feel.
And each session,
they're gonna keep checking in on those things.
They'll check in on how you're feeling about your gender,
and just how you're feeling that day,
how your day went, how your week's been going.
Some of them might have a more structured timeline
on exactly how many visits you have to go to
before you can get the letter,
and others might just take it session by session,
and kinda let you guide them
on how you're feeling about things.
That will especially happen if you're not really sure
how you want to proceed.
And from there, it's basically in your hands.
Like I said, for people outside of the US, or minors,
or just getting those state-specific regulations,
I got some resources to check out in the description box.
And I just wanna say that if you are watching this,
about to start gender therapy, thinking of it,
taking those first steps, I'm proud of you.
I know how hard it is,
taking these first steps is so hard.
Every step of the way you are likely to feel anxious,
intimidated, like you wanna give up,
you're probably gonna have aftershocks of dysphoria,
even after positive accomplishments in this process,
but at least you'll be moving uphill.
It is an arduous climb, but you're climbing.
And the summit is probably not as far off as it seems.
So once again, I hope that was helpful,
and thank you again to betterhelp for sponsoring this video.
Don't forget to click that link below
to join betterhelp and find an online therapist.
And if you like this video, be sure to subscribe for more
every week, you can also follow me at JACKISNOTABIRD
on Twitter and Instagram.
And don't forget to check out my trans interview podcast,
Transmission, it's available everywhere
that you get podcasts.
And that's about it for today.
Thank you so much for watching, I'll see you next time.
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