Why are you still here, sir?
And where should I be? - Well, you already went down in history
How come?
You transformed Poland into a different country
What country?
Iran
What Iran?
"What Iran"? We are at war
with Israel and the USA
- with the small and the big Satan -
just like Iran
The others wanted to transform Poland into the second Japan
and then into the second Ireland... Thanks to you sir, we have the second Iran here
The difference is that
we don't have oil and atomic bomb centrifuges
Centrifuges...
We don't even have helicopters
although Antoni swore we would. - He was a parasite...
But I'll take care of it
just like the Patriots
They wanted to rip him off, and I got a bargain
I guess that's because of my "charm"...
What are you doing with this cable? What are you, one more electrician?
There was a flashover. I need to braze it
Who's that?
"Who's that?" I don't know who that is!
Is it written here who that is?
Pick it up and see for yourself
Who's that?
So, who's that?
It's from the White House
The President of the USA wants to talk with you, sir
Tell him that I won't speak with him
That... Why not?
His rank is not high enough
But... There is no higher!
Our Andrzej doesn't answer calls from the Secretary of State, so I have the right to decline the President
Well, but...
OK, give it to me
"Who's that"...
Hello?
Hello?
So?
So impatient!
He hung up
You should've answered right away! Why...
That was a mistake! - No
Yes, sir. No
Long live Iran!
Down with the big Satan!
Shiiit...
I'm constantly learning
All the time. In a car when I drive
on a plane when I fly - I'm learning. When Agata sleeps I'm also learning
new words
But now I took a break to welcome you
As the President ...
As Mr
President
of the Republic of Poland, I welcome Mr Chairman
the creator of the fourth, so far the best, Republic of Poland
our strategist
tactician, destroyer... - Enough!
Save it
I'd also like to welcome, as Mr President
the Minister of Foreign Affairs
Mr Jacek... - I know Jacek. Sit down
Only peanuts?
There are no sandwiches?
Agata didn't do the shopping yesterday, today is Sunday and... the shops are closed
What's up with the
constitutional referendum? Are you going to hold it?
I was thinking... maybe we should hold it
Do what you like
But, enough about that
I wanted to talk to you
about foreign policy...
Nobody likes us...
I'm not finished, Mr experiment
I'm sorry
It all started with Germany. Those reparations...
it was a mistake. - No, Andrzej, it was not a mistake
The fact that we are at war with Germany is a natural state
The war with Germany
is our national bond. It's a
myth. A tradition. Like Chrobry posts
I see
Then... there was France, then Italy
and finally, because of the courts, the whole Union
Those... crazy changes in the courts
were a mistake... - No, Andrzej, it was not a mistake
To tell the truth
it was nice when
at one of the rallies
you compared the Union to the invaders
That's not what I meant
I don't know what you meant, I know what you got
out of it
The Union...
They will not tell us how to live
But we tell our citizens
Did anyone ask you a question?
I'm sorry
...And finally, Israel and the USA
This stupid act on the INR...
But, you signed it yourself
Mr Chairman told you to be quiet
I'm sorry
A series of mistakes...
No
But we are conflicted with all our neighbors
Now, if
Germany and Russia attack us, there really will be no place to escape
Fortunately, we still have Hungary
But unfortunately, we don't have a common border
We'll request
an exterritorial corridor from Slovakia
Worst case scenario, they won't agree
I'm sorry...
That one...
They loved each other so much, right?
Interviews, holidays, sharing a cover...
Why would you make a fool of yourself?
Polish celebrities
Useful idiots in the service of the German press
The Germans issue it and then spread the news that the Poles do it
And the Russians poisoned someone again
Who are these people?
The Americans invented a computer
the internet, the iPhone, right?
And the Russians only Kalashnikov...
And now those poisons
Why don't they come up with a drug for cancer if they are so good at chemistry!
They could do something for the humanity for once! Only once!
Is Mr Chairman in his office?
I need to talk some sense into him, before it's too late
Please, tell him
Jadwiga
is here
It was Zbyszek who put us in this mess. And this Patryk of his!
Zbyszek for the minister - this was a mistake!
No
We're deep in shit and there's only one question: how to get out of it without losing a face?
It won't work
I'm sorry... - The only thing that didn't work
was the experiment with you, Jacek
What would you do without me?
And I without her!
Speak of the devil
Come on, my dear, come
Mr Chairman
Please be so kind as to pass me some nuts, I can't reach them
My arm is short
I'm sorry if I'm using
you too much
That's fine. It's what I am for
Don't say that
At least in public
Julia...
Can I call you by name?
You can
Excuse me?
You can, sir
Great
It will be easier that way
Julia
The time of trial has come
Let's talk like one Person of Freedom
to another
Andrzej has sent you the bill on INR. - Yes
So that I can check if it's in accordance with the constitution
I'm telling you right now that it is. - Excellent
You saved us work and taxpayers' money, sir
But the fact
that it's in accordance with the constitution
doesn't mean it's in accordance with our interest
And is it?
It's not
I'm all ears
You can't do that. The Independent court... - But who?
What: who?
Who cares what you have,
Jacek, to say? - I'm sorry
The thing is
that you need to tweak it a little,
question something,
announce that something is imprecisely formulated - and improve it
Generally, we need to
back away from it
but without giving the impression
that we are giving in
And what exactly
should I question?
Well, Julia
I won't tell you
what to do!
You won't, sir?
I've written in down for you
and Mariusz has
sent it... over the computer
So,
you should
already have it
Go now. Get to work
my white and red
little loophole
"Loophole"
He's really not here or he's afraid to see me?
He isn't afraid of anyone
Well, maybe except protesting women
I'm here to do just that. Where is he?
At the President's
That's what I'm talking about
A wasted term of office
He's only learing and learning, learning and learning!
He's just useless. Utterly hopeless
Random. Mediocre
He should be a ski instructor and not the President!
I hate it when he stands on the slope and preaches
He's so puffing up. So boasting about
But it was you who urged people to vote on him
I remember!
The thing is, I can't understand why
Clearly, I don't know people, that's for sure, my fault
But.. come on, he has zero charisma
I don't know... A scout
A scout - without any merit badges
I'm telling you!
What would you do without me?
You would only moan and squeal how poor and lonely you are
Szervusz Jaroslaw [Hi, Jaroslaw]
te vén róka! [you old chap!]
Viktor!
Victor, Victor, Victor!
Welcome!
Lengyel, magyar – két jó barát [A Pole and a Hungarian - two mates]
Soha nem [I'll never]
hagylak bajban. Soha [leave you in need. Never]
érted? [Do you understand?]
Együtt mindig megbirkózunk [Together we can do]
mindennel [everything]
Ennek a hülye Uniónak [That stupid Union]
még belénk törik a foga [will break its teeth on us]
You see?
One Victor is worth more than
a thousand foster allies. I'm so happy to see you!
Ők az anyatejjel [They sucked out]
szívták magába a [anti-Polonism]
lengyelellenességet [with their mother's milk]
Ne aggódj [Don't worry]
Magyarország egy emberként áll mellétek [Hungary stands firmly behind you]
Össze kell tartanunk. Mint ebben a sörreklámban [We must stick together. Like in this beer commercial]
Az egyik szakadékba zuhan [When one falls into the chasm]
a másik megfogja a kezét és kihúzza [the other one grabs him by the hand and pulls out]
Ez a szakadék az Unió [This chasm is the Union]
Incredible language
I think, even Bronek was better
He wasn't perfect but at least he knew where he stood
Bron...?
But you laughed at him!
I was mistaken
Well, I don't know people
Or take Donald, for example
Donald... I have a lot against him
but at least he was somebody
But you used to say
that he's nobody!
And I was wrong!
Look at Victor -
that's a true friend
For better and worse. Do you know
that in '41 Hungary
declared war on America?
Both of you - did you know that?
Did you know that?
I'm sorry
And you? - Ummm...
I'm still learning
They've got balls!
Viktor, I have a business with you. Just you and I
Milyen ügy? [What business?]
Bu-si-ness
Listen
Bocsánat [Excuse me]
Владимир? [Vladimir?]
Нет [No]
ты никогда не мешаешь [You never interrupt]
что случилось? [How are you?]
Дело делать? [Do business?]
С тобой - всегда рад! [With you - always!]
Только ты да я [Just you and I]
Только с тобойю... [Only with you...]
Только с тобойю... [Only with you...]
Ну, конечно! [Definitely!]
Владимир [Vladimir]
ты друг мой [you are my fiend]
In general, the best would be this
Robert from Slupsk
He's got charisma, strength and
that is really a character
A character from a fairy tale
A gay for the President!
Are you serious or did the Russians poison you?
And the very best candidate for president would be the former president of the Tribunal
the former president of the Tribunal
But...! - But I was mistaken!
I beg your pardon
he's got more balls than we all put together
What?
Белые розы... Холод и морозы... [White roses... Chill and frost...]
Жене уже лучше [My wife is doing better, yes]
Да, у нее ничего не болит [she recovered]
Спасибо за этого доктора [Thanks for that doctor]
А как там Дима поживает? [How's Dima doing?]
Ну, хорошо [That's great]
Конечно! [Definitely!]
This Witold - what an embarrassing story it was
He wasn't even close to Radek's level
Beata...
Beata has the perspective of the commune
I counted on Mateusz so much
But he is completely
and utterly hopeless! He's an algorithm
not a man
They all treat Poland like a rag!
So, in general
what's your point because I don't get it
What do you mean? My point is that the society will get rid of those
PiSsers, like... like... together with the President of course
...like dust in the wind
Well, they all act, completely, as if they were stupider than they are!
They will stand before the tribunal. This is pure Bolshevism!
This is a matter for the police
Or for health care even
But...
our Chairman is wonderful and irreplaceable, right?
I once thought that too!
That he's a genius... A rescue for Poland
But... that was my biggest mistake
He's a disgrace
He stupefies this country and unleashes demons, I hope he retires
and stops harming!
I'm calling 112
Let anyone come
Владимир, ты мой Володя... [Vladimir, my dear...]
Да, конечно. Да, да! [Yes, of cource. Yes, yes!]
Miről is volt szó? [Where were we?]
Hol van? [Where is he?]
Excuse me?
Hol van? [Where is he?]
Hol van
Ms Basia, no more meetings
I want to be alone, like
Poland in Europe
No...!
We're not alone
What about Hungary?
They look up to the Russians too much
If Mr Chairman believes in them...
O, Jaroslaw!
I need to talk with you urgently
And that...
is...
who...
Oh, Jadwiga. - We haven't seen each other for a long time
Do you remember the last time?
I think it was when you said
there won't be any Brexit and Mrs Clinton will win the election
And that is...
a long time
You are constantly wrong!
Well... I?
But not less than Mr Chairman
But the difference between us is that
I at least admit it
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