I had to go through several phases where I felt lesser than anybody else.
I was not like the other boys, so I had to deal with a lot of pressure.
Because of my appearance, I was always underestimated, ridiculed, told that I was...
...worthless.
Until at the end of the day, I came to believe what people have said about me.
I started doubting what I used to believe and, eventually, myself.
I had an experience of being bullied.
My teacher used to say,
"You are the phoniest individual I have ever known!"
I see Jovi as...
...this figure that can be whoever he wants. He can...
...be hilarious, be extraordinarily fabulous.
He inspired people to be comfortable in their own skins and...
...to ignore what others say about them.
Jovi as...
...this person with such strong idealism that he can hold onto until...
...it becomes his own signature.
I love his character so much, because he's super humble and kind.
Since I knew Jovi, I became confident. Like, really...
...just be yourself.
When I got into high school...
I started to realize that I was not...
...like them.
This uniqueness in me caused a shift in my attitude
that's not acceptable to everyone, leading to them calling me "weird."
So, the much-hyped high school experience that's supposed to be memorable
was a total nightmare for me
that still haunts me to this moment.
I have experienced bullying since I was in primary school
and even until now as well.
Because I am more of an upfront kind of person
when I am at my lowest
I am capable of doing reckless actions.
People underestimated me a lot
that really made me feel like I was useless.
I am really insecure
and I always let myself believe what people say about me.
Maybe they meant no harm
but I kept those words in my head, which made me often contemplate whether they're right or wrong. It's like...
...not being able to feel confident about anything.
I was called "black," told that I was stupid
whenever they spotted me at school
they would call me weird
then laugh at me even though I didn't do anything wrong.
That's when I felt that I was really ugly.
I'm a girl. Why did they treat me like that?
From that point on, I was never confident enough to try make up
I was always tomboy until I reached 25 years old. That's how scarring it was.
I was never confident.
I can't blame them
but still, what they did to me was wrong.
They will never change. We can't change people, especially bullies.
I eventually got used to it, felt numb.
I proved to those who mocked me for wanting to be a model back then that I am actually capable.
Where are they now? What have they been up to?
When I was in primary school
I was often bullied by my seniors because I hung out with girls all the time.
It continued until high school
from verbal to physical.
Once, they pulled down my pants in public
until my underwear showed...and nobody stepped in to help.
I can still vividly remember how ashamed I was.
My friends used to mock my appearance all the time
They thought I was incompetent
and said that I was ugly.
Those incidents made me develop low self-esteem
related to my physical appearance
and my ideal character.
At one point, I had thought of committing suicide
because of the bullying I received in secondary school.
The source of my low self-esteem started when I was in sixth grade.
I was more comfortable playing with girls than boys.
I was often bullied, even got ridiculed by the boys.
I wondered a lot myself
"why are other people's lives always full of joy and self-sufficient?"
That habit made me insecure and lack self-confidence.
I turned into someone really quiet
unable to appreciate my own self and even experienced identity crisis.
The bullying I received in college changed me pretty drastically.
I became skeptical to my friends
kept my personal affairs to myself
and kept my distance from potential new friends.
At that time, I was really disillusioned
constantly being bullied.
I tried to follow the bullies' lifestyle.
I became a smoker
I drank alcohol
until I eventually bullied other people.
At that time, whenever I looked at myself in the mirror
I saw that something had changed in me
I was not my own usual self
but had turned into someone else.
They always hid behind the word "just kidding"
even though none of what they did were actually funny.
Bullying is not a joke
because you can't simply assume whether you have destroyed someone else's life or not.
I would like to prove that I can be better than them
I tried to be a confident person by not caring about what people thought of me.
I am absolutely certain that karma does exist and they will experience things that are more challenging
and more difficult than what I've gone through in due time.
At the end, everything depends on you:
do you still want to crush other people's dreams?
For those who bullied me back then
I was forced to be one of you just so that you would stop bullying me.
In doing so, I destroyed my self-confidence to feel comfortable in my own skin.
Though people might think I'm different, at least that's who I really am
and I don't need to feel the need to bully other people to feel good about myself.
I got goosebumps, like
so that's how it's like to hear other people telling my story.
When I looked at myself in the mirror
I got flashbacks
To be honest, I feel guilty right now.
Don't be!'
I thought to myself
"Am I reading my own story? Or other people's story?"
I felt nervous.
Whenever I get nervous, I can't look at my own face
in fear that the bad memories would return.
I got flashbacks to those times
when they poured water over me, or when they spat at me
or the constant barrage of verbal abuses
so, yeah... Like those flashbacks.
I had felt what it was like to be bullied, and it was unpleasant
why did I have to bully other people?
I felt ashamed looking at my own reflection in the mirror.
It's good because he's already capable of self-acceptance
and the problem is that not everyone
can do what he did.
Granted, people would talk about us behind our backs
but we felt that's untrue; that's not who we are.
But why bother? Our lives are not theirs.
There were friends of mine who said
"you look very different now!"
Oh, that means I actually am not ugly.
I can prove to them
that what they thought about me wasn't true at all.
On the other hand, you have to open your heart to others
maybe not everyone's the same.
Always think before we speak
because you'll never know whether people would treat it lightly or take it personally.
The effect of the abuses he received
turned him abusive toward others
and sometimes he had no choice.
That's not who he really is.
If you're being bullied
think of it as a temporary luck.
Don't spite yourself, this is not your fault.
We also need to realize that maybe the bully is a victim as well.
You can't change other people
just as they are unable to change you.
If you want to be better
be your own ideal version of better
not because of the bullies.
Their words are not definitive to our success in the future.
So just prove it with your actions
and they will definitely shut up.
Try to treat those negative words
as something constructive
or try to build the attitude to stay positive as always.
Don't listen too much because the only person who understands you is you alone.
We have to stand up and defend ourselves
'cause if not us, then who?
Nobody else would.
If they still persist
just ignore them and think:
it's time to respond to heartbreaks and insults
with achievements
'cause it will shut them up even more.
I hope everyone who are watching this video
could get inspired and educated.
For those of you still struggling with low self-esteem:
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