Thứ Hai, 27 tháng 8, 2018

Waching daily Aug 27 2018

On this episode of China Uncensored,

China wants to build the world's longest underwater tunnel—

to a country that it doesn't even recognize as a country.

Hi, welcome back to China Uncensored.

I'm your host, Chris Chappell.

Authoritarian regimes sure come up with the craziest schemes.

Like China's canal designed to transport billions of gallons of water

all the way from the south of the country to the north,

losing most of it to evaporation,

and wrecking ecosystems in the process.

That one was Chairman Mao's idea.

Or China's plans to build a giant city so big,

it's bigger than the entire population of England and France combined.

Just kidding they're not building "a" megacity.

They're building 19 of them.

And now Chinese engineers want to build

the world's longest underwater train tunnel.

Kind of like the Channel Tunnel,

that connects England and France.

Only much longer.

And less of a mutually agreed-upon decision.

Because, according to the South China Morning Post,

Chinese scientists are planning the world's longest train tunnel...

to connect mainland China to Taiwan.

Rumor has it, the Chinese Communist Party absolutely adores the plan!

So much so, in fact,

they're ready to start planning without Taiwan's cooperation.

Researchers told the South China Morning Post that

"it's possible Beijing would start work on the project

in a unilateral and largely symbolic move."

The 84-mile Taiwan Strait Tunnel

would link Pingtan in Mainland China...

...to Hsinchu in Taiwan.

And yes, Hsinchu happens to be where Taiwan has an army base—

where forces train hard to prepare for an aggressive,

unannounced visit by the People's Liberation Army.

Otherwise known as an invasion.

So there's a good chance that Taiwan might react negatively

if members of a Chinese tunnel drilling team start to

pop up out of the ground unannounced.

But due to engineering constraints, a tunnel this long

could probably never be completed without digging from both ends.

And when Taiwan's Minister Chen Min-tong,

who's responsible for relations between Taiwan and the mainland,

got wind that the plans for the tunnel were ready and the CCP

was anxious to break ground,

he immediately denounced the project,

saying "The proposal is part of China's consistent

united front propaganda and was made unilaterally."

Chen also said there had not been any bilateral

communication between China and Taiwan on the subject,

much less any kind of agreement.

But from the Communist Party's perspective,

an agreement isn't really necessary—

although it would make things go much smoother.

That's because the Party considers Taiwan

a province of the People's Republic of China,

and has vowed to seize control of it sooner or later,

by force if necessary.

Actually Chinese president Xi Jinping has ordered

the People's Liberation Army to be ready

for an invasion of Taiwan by 2020.

No wonder Taiwan is a bit suspicious of this underwater tunnel.

The Taiwanese minister also said that by proposing the tunnel,

China was "attacking Taiwan's potential for international space

using militaristic intimidation and trying to mislead the public

into thinking that this was a bilateral decision."

But even if Taiwan okayed the tunnel,

the project could still be fraught with some of the same problems

that have plagued China's own rail system.

Like the massive corruption that caused the Communist Party

to have to dissolve and restructure THE ENTIRE RAILWAYS MINISTRY.

And also, give the railways minister a suspended death sentence

for taking 10 million dollars in bribes.

But even if the tunnel is built without corruption,

it could still end up like some of

China's other grand-scale planning ideas

that disregarded the realities of the natural environment.

Like the Three-Gorges Dam—

the world's largest hydro-powered project,

that displaced 1.3 million people,

and is causing landslides,

droughts,

oh, and earthquakes.

Did I mention earthquakes?

A Chinese scientist—

who asked not to be named because who in their right mind

would put their name on this plan—

said the underwater tunnel would need to cross not one,

but two earthquake fault lines.

The scientist called the tunnel one of the "most challenging

civil engineering projects in the 21st century."

And that's because in addition to cutting across

two earthquake fault lines,

the tunnel has to slice through complex layers of rock,

including extremely hard granite sandwiched between layers

of far less stable sandstone and shale.

But even if they got it to work

without an earthquake getting in the way,

there's another engineering problem.

The tunnel is too long to pump air through.

So China would have to build not one but two artificial islands

in the Taiwan Strait, to pump fresh air down into the tunnel.

Fortunately, the Chinese regime

is good at building artificial islands.

Unfortunately, I think the Taiwan government might

object to building islands off the coast of Taiwan.

But even if Taiwan okays the artificial islands,

and the tunnel is built without massive corruption,

and it doesn't cause earthquakes,

there's another reason it might not be a great idea.

Remember how China has threatened to invade Taiwan,

if Taiwan ever declares independence?

Well, you know what's a really easy way to move tanks?

Trains!

Looks like there might be some wide loads coming through.

And before you go, it's time for me to answer another question

from a fan who supports China Uncensored

on the crowdfunding website Patreon.

James McKay asks: "Hi, Shelly."

Ugh, this one's for Shelley?!

"When you travel together,

who is considered your "carry on":

Chris or Matt?

Will you elaborate on how you stretch the team's

(likely very modest) travel and accommodation budget?"

Shelley, do you want to answer this one?

Sure Chris.

James, if any of us was the carry on, it would be me.

But I don't really want to be stuck in

an overhead compartment at 35,000 feet,

so I usually buy my own plane ticket.

How do we stretch our travel budget?

We try to get sponsorship for everything.

Airlines, as you might guess,

don't really want to sponsor anyone who undermines the CCP.

But we had a hotel sponsor us in Taiwan.

Otherwise, we usually stay in an airBNB or in someone's home.

We also borrow our camera gear from our friends whenever we can.

And if people take us out to dinner while we're on the road,

we don't complain.

Especially if it's hotpot.

Just saying.

Thanks Shelley.

Want to have your questions answered on the show?

Of course you do!

Join the China Uncensored 50-Cent Army,

by supporting the show with a dollar or more per episode

on the crowdfunding website Patreon.

And yes, you can ask Shelley questions, too.

The link is below.

Once again, I'm Chris Chappell.

Thanks for watching China Uncensored.

Thanks for watching.

Did you know we also make

a half-hour version of this show every week?

It's broadcast on the NTD network

in New York, LA, and San Francisco.

Plus you can it on our free app for Amazon FireTV,

Apple TV, and Roku.

Or visit ChinaUncensored.tv.

For more infomation >> Underwater Tunnel China Could Use to Invade Taiwan - China Uncensored - Duration: 7:40.

-------------------------------------------

ВДОЛЬ ПО УЛИЦЕ МЕТЕЛИЦА МЕТЕТ/Квартет РУССКИЙ БЭНД Санкт-Петербург - Duration: 7:44.

For more infomation >> ВДОЛЬ ПО УЛИЦЕ МЕТЕЛИЦА МЕТЕТ/Квартет РУССКИЙ БЭНД Санкт-Петербург - Duration: 7:44.

-------------------------------------------

Funny And Lucky Moments - Hearthstone - Ep. 392 - Duration: 10:32.

For more infomation >> Funny And Lucky Moments - Hearthstone - Ep. 392 - Duration: 10:32.

-------------------------------------------

Dance Moms: Dance Digest - "Timeless" (Season 4) | Lifetime - Duration: 5:08.

For more infomation >> Dance Moms: Dance Digest - "Timeless" (Season 4) | Lifetime - Duration: 5:08.

-------------------------------------------

Huawei P20 Lite VS Moto G6 Play | Enfrentamiento | Review | Unboxing - Duration: 14:27.

For more infomation >> Huawei P20 Lite VS Moto G6 Play | Enfrentamiento | Review | Unboxing - Duration: 14:27.

-------------------------------------------

Pelis Religiosas en tu Kodi - Duration: 5:05.

For more infomation >> Pelis Religiosas en tu Kodi - Duration: 5:05.

-------------------------------------------

Kozah - Heavens - Duration: 3:21.

Kozah - Heavens

For more infomation >> Kozah - Heavens - Duration: 3:21.

-------------------------------------------

Chin Chin Chu Song | Happy Phirr Bhag Jayegi | Sonakshi | Jimmy | Diana | Jassie | KHULNA MUSIC TV - Duration: 2:43.

For more infomation >> Chin Chin Chu Song | Happy Phirr Bhag Jayegi | Sonakshi | Jimmy | Diana | Jassie | KHULNA MUSIC TV - Duration: 2:43.

-------------------------------------------

Chollima, Fast Flying Horse - Korean Mythology - Duration: 0:55.

Chollima

Also known as Senrima which means a thousand mile horse.

This is just like the pegasus where the horse has wings.

The chollima is an important symbol in North Korea because of how the creature is portrayed.

It is portrayed as a horse that can fly at very high speeds.

It basically could travel the whole length of the Korean peninsula in just one day which

is approximately 393 kilometres.

According to legends, Chollima was a winged horse that wanted to be tamed but no one could

so he just flew up into the sky never to come back.

For wanting to be tamed and not letting anyone tame it is quite counterproductive in my point

of view but how should I know how a chollima thinks.

For more infomation >> Chollima, Fast Flying Horse - Korean Mythology - Duration: 0:55.

-------------------------------------------

How To Increase Testosterone Naturally in Men - 5 Scientifically Proven Methods - Duration: 4:00.

So you want to increase your testosterone but don't want to rely on

drugs or supplements in today's video I will share with you five scientifically

proven methods to increase testosterone naturally in men so grab a pen a piece

of paper and let's get started number five get your Z's multiple studies have

shown that the quantity and quality of sleep you get every night will impact

your testosterone levels one study showed that sleeping only five hours a

night for a period of one week caused the decline in testosterone levels by

15% another study compared two groups of men

one group sleeping four hours per night and the other sleeping eight at the end

of the study the group of men who slept less how to less than half the

testosterone levels averaging 200 to 300 nanograms per deciliter compared to

their well rested counterparts who boasted tea levels of between 500 and

700 nanometer but sleep quantity isn't the only factor in boosting tea levels

the quality of your sleep is directly related to testosterone levels so how

can you get a better sleep focus on ensuring your sleep space is dark cool

and quiet and limit blue light exposure 30 minutes before bed as this can

suppress melatonin which is a hormone that signals to your body that it is

time to go to sleep number 4 limit alcohol intake for some

this may be easier said than done but if you want to increase your testosterone

levels you need to cut down your alcohol consumption you see when you consume

alcohol your body produces an enzyme called aroma taste aroma taste converts

testosterone estrogen which is absolutely the last thing you want when

trying to spike your testosterone levels now don't go pouring out all your

alcohol just yet because this process is dose dependent small quantities of

alcohol like a couple glasses of wine have been shown to only temporarily

decrease testosterone by seven percent but if you are truly committed to

keeping your tea levels high you should aim to cut out alcohol completely number

three stay hydrated most people know the importance of drinking water but

hardly any of them actually drink enough water to reap all of its benefits one of

these benefits is heightened testosterone multiple studies have shown

that even a mild dehydration which most people experience daily can lead to

raise cortisol levels and lower growth hormone secretion aka less testosterone

so how do you know if you're hydrated enough if you can produce five clear

urinations a day then you're more than likely good to go number two get it on

another way to increase your testosterone is to maintain sexual

activity in a study performed by men over 60 increased sexual activity

produced greater serum testosterone levels in the participants compared to

their sexually inactive counterparts while the reason for this increase is

not fully understood many people theorized then embodying the feelings of

power touch and success is enough to spike testosterone therefore if you want

to increase your testosterone naturally find a partner and get down to business

number one stress less if you want to keep your testosterone levels high you

must eliminate the stressors in your life when you become stressed you spike

your cortisol levels and this cortisol eats away are your free testosterone

levels inside your bloodstream while stressing less is easier said than done

meditating and exercise are both proven methods of stress reduction and trigger

dopamine secretion that will make you feel amazing so there you have it five

scientifically proven methods to increase testosterone naturally in men

thanks for watching if you enjoyed this video please hit the like button and

subscribe for more informative content

For more infomation >> How To Increase Testosterone Naturally in Men - 5 Scientifically Proven Methods - Duration: 4:00.

-------------------------------------------

♪♫♫ Thoreau - Canale Comico Youtube - Duration: 0:10.

For more infomation >> ♪♫♫ Thoreau - Canale Comico Youtube - Duration: 0:10.

-------------------------------------------

Jennifer Lopez | El Anillo | HD Full Video Music | Number One Singer | KHULNA MUSIC TV - Duration: 4:21.

Jennifer Lopez | El Anillo | HD Full Video Music | Number One Singer | KHULNA MUSIC TV

Jennifer Lopez | El Anillo | HD Full Video Music | Number One Singer | KHULNA MUSIC TV

Jennifer Lopez | El Anillo | HD Full Video Music | Number One Singer | KHULNA MUSIC TV

Jennifer Lopez | El Anillo | HD Full Video Music | Number One Singer | KHULNA MUSIC TV

For more infomation >> Jennifer Lopez | El Anillo | HD Full Video Music | Number One Singer | KHULNA MUSIC TV - Duration: 4:21.

-------------------------------------------

World Cup UHC 2018 - Episode 2: Hij Doet 't Niet [DUTCH W/ ENG SUBTITLES] - Duration: 21:37.

And actually, I should talk in Dutch and so I will!

I almost forgot!

I'm so used to speaking English in RRs

that I happily continued doing so...

But that is not what I promised you.

So, my dear folks, welcome back to

World Cup UHC episode 2

of season 2!

Um... How are we doing?

We're doing

quite well, because in episode 1 we found

a Fortune II book.

And that is fantastic! I mean...

With Fortune II, if I'm correct

you can mine multiple diamonds from one vein.

And with that I mean one diamond ore

not a vein...

SO.....

Obviously it also goes for every other ore

not just diamonds.

But now the question is: will I do it on my, um...

My uh...

Iron pickaxe or will I do it on my

diamond one once I have it?

It's a tough one!

What should you do? Iron breaks faster

unless you keep repairing it. Maybe we should do that.

Maybe I should do it on the iron one.

It's probably a terrible idea but I think it's a good one

if I'm honest.

Not very happy with this baby zombie.

And especially not with this. Oof! That was a bit

of a close call!

Wow.

That was close.

It spawned right in front of me

and I was barely on time

with placing a bunch of cobblestone.

But yeah... Last year

in episode 2 we had

some extreme luck with the

three Power III Sharpness III books.

And now we're very lucky with Fortune II

books I wanted to say, but it's only one.

And I believe we've now gathered

enough iron.

To uh...

To create an anvil and that is what we shall do.

As efficient as possible, of course.

Which means like this.

Doing great tonight...

If you're a loyal viewer then you probably know that I

record in my own appartment

in my new home town, which I obviously

won't spoil as to where it is.

But just like last year: if you recognize this voice

from outside the channel,

that could be possible.

Even though chances of that are extremely small

that you know me

"in real life".

I would find that very special.

And if that is the case, with the exception of a certain Ryan

or Riron, eh?

Then let me know!

I won't say

where I live

or who I really am

I will leave that in secret. But yeah!

We´re in a mineshaft and we're doing

some great things.

Don't tell me I'm one short... Yes I am.

How is it possible?

How IS it possible?!

Oh wait, I'm not one short. What was I thinking?

So you need 31, not 33 iron.

Doing great!

Yeah, I'm gonna do this. Repairing doesn't seem too expensive to me

so we'll be fine.

I'll need to craft an additional iron pick though

or rather a stone one

to mine other stuff. If I use this one

to mine cobblestone it won't do any good.

Or these furnaces, for that matter.

Just to name one thing.

So I'm gonna have to be strategic and smart.

Boom. All right. We continue.

Let's see how lucky...

I am.

So far nothing special. But we won't give up!

We won't give up.

Oh dear!

The USA is out!

The first nation has fallen.

The USA is finished...

That's quite sad.

But that's life.

I do need to continue gathering iron.

For an eventual new pickaxe.

Or more than one.

Poor Sir.

Poor, poor you.

You had a rough time.

I actually completely forget to get a

bucket of water.

I hear some water flowing but I'm silly enough

not to take it.

Because that's who I am. A bit stupid.

From time to time. But this water is

a bit hard to find so I'll look for

another source and it looks like there's one here

that we can

grab.

And it's this fellow over here.

Oh! Yeah, thanks very much.

No hidden diamonds, gold, nope.

Nothing at all.

We'll go down here, because I believe I saw

a bit further down

that the mineshaft

continued in regular wood.

Which means another biome.

This is quite dangerous,

we're gonna go around.

There's a bit too much

risk here and I see

the cave spider spawner which doesn't make me happy.

It's quite far away though.

But you can't be too sure.

So let's get rid of it.

There. Done.

There's still plenty of minecart chests hidden around here.

We're at Y=19 so

the diamonds are getting close and I dearly hope

I'll find them.

So far it hasn't brought me much "fortune". After this vein we

should have 12 gold.

13.

14...

It's a large vein. 14. So no

real fortune if I'm honest.

Let's go this way and make this torch

useful.

14 string, but I'll grab some more.

It doesn't hurt, I do want to go for Power III.

Look guys, this all looks really weird.

That was a tiny piece of desert and then

this is river, followed by desert...

You can see it by the color of the mineshaft. it's quite funny how

that the people who once built a mineshaft here

thought of that.

Such clever people they were.

You there.

Mister gold.

Been there, done that.

Oh, hello there!

I don't think so.

Wait a second. Ah, gold.

For a moment I thought I saw diamonds...

But it's not yet to be.

We won't give up yet. We won't give up.

5.

And 6, I believe.

We've got one... No wait, we got one from up there.

So still no real

fortune luck so far.

Shame.

I'll mine coal with my stone pickaxe

otherwise

it'll go very fast. Only 29

nations remain in game.

And once again I'm doubting whether I should go Nether or not

but I don't think I will, as I have no enchants yet.

And I'd like those before I go to the Nether.

Oh hello!

See ya.

No time for you, kid.

I didn't count, but I believe... Yeah, 5.

Still nothing

when it comes to fortune.

We're quite far from the mineshaft now, I hope I can find it back.

Shouldn't be a problem with the mineshaft

but this is very

tempting.

I uh

am going to smelt some gold first.

And why not, right? You can never

have enough in my opinion.

And while we're at it, let's craft a

iron shovel. And let's go wild with it,

because it's Y=17

so

there's a good chance that behind this there will be

diamonds hidden and all, but there's the rest of the cave there.

That's a shame.

A little bit.

A really tiny bit.

Come on.

I know I've been extremely lucky with Fortune, but I'd love to

find the diamonds. Otherwise this Fortune

isn't

worth what it should be worth. I mean,

it's great it works on gold,

but I prefer for it to get me diamonds.

This is interesting.

So let's

fully dig this out.

As far as possible.

Come on!

Where

are those pretty

bright blue

fancy

diamonds?

Which this snowman requires so badly.

That insane, mental snowman.

That can't properly drive a truck in

Euro Truck Simulator.

Who gets blown up by creepers all the time...

And who suddenly finds a Fortune II book.

In World Cup UHC

Season 2.

Of course.

Not a single thing.

But I won't give up, as I hear water.

Somewhere over here. I think it's above me.

That would be a shame.

It means we leave the part where you

can find diamonds.

It's hard to pinpoint, because

I hear a skeleton too.

But so far...

The sound gets dimmer.

Over here it's much closer.

So that would mean...

That it...

Now it gets really close.

It should be here. There's no other way! But where?

Come on...

Where is this water?

Over here?

Here?

I can't find it!

Where is it?!

Where?!

Can't find it!

It's hidden!

Really well hidden!

Oh, oh dear. Look at that!

Isaac from Malta is out

by the hand of

Xero.

And meanwhile the public UHCs continue.

Bulgaria has first blood.

Interesting...

Very interesting...

I think I'll make an extra iron one, otherwise

it will go too slow.

If I can't find this water now, I'll give up.

Where the heck is it?! Oh...

It is below me after all. That was the last thing I expected.

That it would be the very first block

below me. But hey! Found it! That's what matters.

Uh oh, that's a problem.

That's a really nasty

place to be for me.

Looks like he's ignoring me, so I'll just barge in.

I'm happy he didn't shoot there.

Ok, so we found a new part of the cave.

Only so far

I expected better.

You can see that ore limiter is enabled on this server, because

meine gute, is it hard

to find diamonds..

More and more I start to doubt ore limiter.

Is it worth it? On one side

without ore limiter it can be extremely overpowered, on the other side

with ore limiter

it's sometimes nearly impossible, especially with my type of luck

to find something noteworthy.

Redstone, for example, I only see for the first time here.

And

you normally find that so much more often.

But at least this cave remains really low, which is

great news.

Ah, look! Finally the Fortune does its job.

The chance isn't big, it's Fortune II after all...

Better than Fortune I, but still

you really need

some extreme fortune, to put it that way.

I've run out of coal by now, haven't I?

And this is not how you make torches.

This is annoying. But I don't think there's...

No, nothing.

Can't be bothered to swim all the way up there.

Another disappointment.

For me.

I don't think there's anything else left here for me, so we'll

go back to the mineshaft, because it's

not nearly fully explored.

There should still be plenty, so that's exactly

what we will look for.

The luck of the mineshaft, so please, please, please...

Let that be my luck.

Right, I need to think now

because I think I'm walking in circles. Lemme think... Here.

This is where I came from.

I can safely say that. I have way too much crap on me, by the way.

Let's get rid of some stuff. Other types

of raw meat, I don't need anymore.

One stack of cobble is also enough.

I know, my inventory is a mess.

But that's how it is, okay?

Yeah, we need to go back to the mineshaft folks,

because there's nothing

left here.

This is nothing either.

Maybe there's something over there.

I hope it'll go in multiple directions.

More than just dead ends. Ah, this is more like it.

Ah yeah, we've found the center.

The central... Oh shit.

I really don't want that.

So we've found the central chamber, that's good news.

Need to be cautious

with all those cave spiders nearby.

Oh shit, is that one of them?

No, that's... Yeah, it is one.

Bring it! You can't go through anyway!

Yeah yeah. I heard you.

There's one there as well. So there's 2 cave spider spawners

near one another.

This looks like another dead end... Or not.

Or not, we could say that as well.

This is such a shame.

Such a pretty mineshaft and not a single ounce

of gold or diamonds to be found...

This is a really, really "cheapskate"

mineshaft, really...

In just under 30 seconds we'll revert back to

Oh! England is out! TheSonicJoey has

been killed by an Italian!

Hello!

Hello! Uh...

To be honest, creeper-man...

I'm not interested in you.

But I need to kill you, otherwise I can't continue.

And that was the end of this episode, see you next time!

For more infomation >> World Cup UHC 2018 - Episode 2: Hij Doet 't Niet [DUTCH W/ ENG SUBTITLES] - Duration: 21:37.

-------------------------------------------

SNSD: You Think (Half Instrumental male) - Duration: 1:17.

For more infomation >> SNSD: You Think (Half Instrumental male) - Duration: 1:17.

-------------------------------------------

6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic - Duration: 14:55.

6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic

1.

Letting Some Conflicts Go Unresolved

There's this guy.

His name is John Gottman.

And he is like the Michael Jordan of relationship research.

Not only has he been studying intimate relationships for more than 40 years, but he practically

invented the field.

Gottman devised the process of "thin-slicing" relationships, a technique where he hooks

couples up to all sorts of biometric devices and then records them having short conversations

about their problems.

Gottman then goes back and analyzes the conversation frame by frame looking at biometric data,

body language, tonality and specific words chosen.

He then combines all of this data together to predict whether your marriage sucks or

not.

His "thin-slicing" process boasts a staggering 91% success rate in predicting whether newly-wed

couples will divorce within 10 years — a staggeringly high result for any psychological

research.

His method went on to be featured in Malcolm Gladwell's bestselling book Blink.

Gottman's seminars also report a 50% higher success rate of saving troubled marriages

than traditional marriage counseling.

His research papers have won enough academic awards to fill the state of Delaware.

And he's written nine books on the subjects of intimate relationships, marital therapy

and the science of trust.

The point is, when it comes to understanding what makes long-term relationships succeed,

John Gottman will slam-dunk in your face and then sneer at you afterwards.

And the first thing Gottman says in almost all of his books is this: The idea that couples

must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth.

In his research of thousands of happily married couples, some of whom have been married for

40+ years, he found time and again that most successful couples have persistent unresolved

issues, unresolved issues that they've sometimes been fighting about for decades.

Meanwhile many of the unsuccessful couples insisted on resolving fucking everything because

they believed that there should be a void of disagreement between them.

Pretty soon there was a void of a relationship too.

Successful couples accept and understand that some conflict is inevitable, that there will

always be certain things they don't like about their partners or things they don't

agree with, and that this is fine.

You shouldn't need to feel the need to change somebody in order to love them.

And you shouldn't let some disagreements get in the way of what is otherwise a happy

and healthy relationship.

The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it

fixes.

Some battles are simply not worth fighting.

And sometimes the most optimal relationship strategy is one of "live and let live."

2.

Being Willing to Hurt Each Other's Feelings

My girlfriend is one of those women who spends a lot of time in front of the mirror.

She loves to look amazing and I love for her to look amazing too (obviously).

Nights before we go out, she always comes out of the bathroom after an hour-long make-up/hair/clothes/whatever-women-do-in-there

session and asks me how she looks.

She's usually gorgeous.

But every once in a while, she looks bad.

She tried to do something new with her hair or decided to wear a pair of boots that some

flamboyant fashion designer from Milan thought were avant-garde.

And it just doesn't work.

When I tell her this, she usually gets pissed off.

And as she marches back into the closet to redo everything and make us 30 minutes late,

she spouts a bunch of four-letter words and sometimes even slings a few of them at me.

Men stereotypically lie in this situation to make their girlfriends/wives happy.

But I don't.

Why?

Because honesty in my relationship is more important to me than feeling good all of the

time.

The last person I should ever have to censor myself with is the woman I love.

Fortunately, I date a woman who agrees.

She calls me out on my bullshit sometimes, and it's honestly one of the most important

traits she offers me as a partner.

Sure, my ego gets bruised and I bitch and complain and try to argue, but a few hours

later I come sulking back and admit that she was right and holy crap she makes me a better

person even though I hated hearing it at the time.

When our highest priority is to always make ourselves feel good, or to always make our

partner feel good, then nobody ends up feeling good.

And our relationships fall apart without us even knowing it.

It's important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each

other feel good all of the time.

The feel good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right.

The sunsets and puppies, they happen when you get the more important stuff right: values,

needs and trust.

If I feel smothered and need more time alone, I need to be capable of saying that without

blaming her and she needs to be capable of hearing it without blaming me, despite the

unpleasant feelings it may cause.

If she feels that I'm cold and unresponsive to her, she needs to be capable of saying

it without blaming me and I need to be capable of hearing it without blaming her, despite

the unpleasant feelings it may generate.

These conversations are paramount to maintaining a healthy relationship that meets both people's

needs.

With out them, we get lost and lose track of one another.

3.

Being Willing to End It

Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture.

Show me almost any romantic movie and I'll show you a desperate and needy character who

treats themselves like dog shit for the sake of being in love with someone.

The truth is our standards for what a "successful relationship" should be are pretty screwed

up.

If a relationship ends and someone's not dead, then we view it as a failure, regardless

of the emotional or practical circumstances present in the person's lives.

And that's kind of insane.

Shut up and jump already.

Shut up and jump already.

Romeo and Juliet was originally written as satire to represent everything that's wrong

with young love and how irrational romantic beliefs can make you do stupid shit like drink

poison because your parents don't like some girl's parents.

But somehow we look at this story as romantic.

It's this kind of irrational idealization that leads people to stay with partners who

are abusive or negligent, to give up on their own needs and identities, to make themselves

into imaginary martyrs who are perpetually miserable, to suppress their own pain and

suffering in the name of maintaining a relationship "until death do us part."

Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate

time, before it becomes too damaging.

And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help

ourselves and our partner grow together.

"Shoot myself to love you; if I loved myself I'd be shooting you."

– Marilyn Manson

"Until death do us part" is romantic and everything, but when we worship our relationship

as something more important than ourselves, our values, our needs and everything else

in our lives, we create a sick dynamic where there's no accountability.

We have no reason to work on ourselves and grow because our partner has to be there no

matter what.

And our partner has no reason to work on themselves and grow because we're going to be there

no matter what.

It invites stagnation and stagnation equals misery.

4.

Feeling Attraction for People Outside the Relationship

Our cultural scripts for romance includes this sort of mental tyranny, where any mildly

emotional or sexual thought not involving your partner amounts to high treason.

Being in love is like a cult where you're supposed to prefer drinking Kool Aid laced

with cyanide to letting your thoughts wander to whether other religions may be true too.

As much as we'd like to believe that we only have eyes for our partner, biology says

otherwise.

Once we get past the honeymoon phase of starry eyes and oxytocin, the novelty of our partner

wears off a bit.

And unfortunately, human sexuality is partially wired around novelty.

I get emails all the time from people in happy marriages/relationships who get blindsided

by finding someone else attractive and they feel like horrible, horrible people because

of it.

Not only are we capable of finding multiple people attractive and interesting at the same

time, but it's a biological inevitability.

What isn't an inevitability are our choices to act on it or not.

Most of us, most of the time, choose to not act on those thoughts.

And like waves, they pass through us and leave us with our partner very much the same way

how they found us.

This triggers a lot of guilt in some people and a lot of irrational jealousy in others.

Our cultural scripts tell us that once we're in love, that's supposed to be it, end of

story.

And if someone flirts with us and we enjoy it, or if we catch ourselves having an occasional

errant sexy-time fantasy, there must be something wrong with us or our relationship.

But that's simply not the case.

In fact, it's healthier to allow oneself to experience these feelings and then let

them go.

When you suppress these feelings, you give them power over you, you let them dictate

your behavior for you (suppression) rather than dictating your behavior for yourself

(feeling them and yet choosing not to do anything).

People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to eventually succumb to them

and give in and suddenly find themselves screwing the secretary in the broom closet and having

no idea how they got there and come to deeply regret it about twenty-two seconds afterward.

People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to project them onto their

partner and become blindingly jealous, attempting to control their partner's every thought

and whim, corralling all of their partner's attention and affection onto themselves.

People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to wake up one day disgruntled

and frustrated with no conscious understanding of why, wondering where all of the days went

and remember how in love we used to be?

Looking at attractive people is enjoyable.

Speaking to attractive people is enjoyable.

Thinking about attractive people is enjoyable.

That's not going to change because of our Facebook relationship status.

And when you dampen these impulses towards other people, you dampen them towards your

partner as well.

You're killing a part of yourself and it ultimately only comes back to harm your relationship.

When I meet a beautiful woman now, I enjoy it, as any man would.

But it also reminds me why, out of all of the beautiful women I've ever met and dated,

I chose to be with my girlfriend.

I see in the attractive women everything my girlfriend has and most women lack.

And while I appreciate the attention or even flirtation, the experience only strengthens

my commitment.

Attractiveness is common.

But real intimacy is not.

When we commit to a person, we are not committing our thoughts, feelings or perceptions.

We can't control our own thoughts, feelings and perceptions the majority of the time,

so how could we ever make that commitment?

What we control are our actions.

And what we commit to that special person are our actions.

Let everything else come and go, as it inevitably will.

5.

Spending Time Apart

Crazy girlfriend is not in a healthy relationship

You see it all the time: the man who meets his girlfriend and stops playing basketball

and hanging out with his friends, or the woman who suddenly decides she loves every comic

book and video game her boyfriend likes even though she doesn't know how to hold the

XBox controller properly.

We all have that friend who mysteriously ceased to exist as soon as they got into their relationship.

And it's troubling, not just for us but for them.

When we fall in love we develop irrational beliefs and desires.

One of these desires is to allow our lives to be consumed by the person we're infatuated

with.

This feels great.

It's intoxicating in much of the same way cocaine is intoxicating (no, really).

The problem only arises when this actually happens.

The problem with allowing your identity to be consumed by a romantic relationship is

that as you change to be closer to the person you love, you cease to be the person they

fell in love with in the first place.

It's important to occasionally get some distance from your partner, assert your independence,

maintain some hobbies or interests that are just yours.

Have some separate friends.

Take an occasional trip somewhere by yourself.

Remember what made you you and what drew you to your partner in the first place.

Without this space, without this oxygen to breathe, the fire between the two of you will

die out and what were once sparks will become only friction.

6.

Accepting Your Partner's Flaws

In his famous book The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera said there are two

types of womanizers: 1) men who are looking for the perfect woman and can never find her,

and 2) men who convince themselves that every woman they meet is already perfect.

I love this observation and believe it applies to not just womanizers, but just about anyone

who consistently finds themselves in dysfunctional relationships.

They either try to make their partner be perfect by "fixing" them or changing them.

Or they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is already perfect.

This is one of those things that is not nearly as complicated as it feels.

Let's break it down:

Every person has flaws and imperfections.

You can't ever force a person to change.

Therefore: You must date somebody who has flaws you can live with or even appreciate.

The most accurate metric for your love of somebody is how you feel about their flaws.

If you accept them and even adore some of their shortcomings — her obsessive cleanliness,

his awkward social ticks — and they can accept and even adore some of your shortcomings,

well, then that's a sign of true intimacy.

One of the best expressions of this idea came from Plato in the form of a myth.

In his Symposium, Plato wrote that humans were originally androgynous and whole.

There were no men or women.

They felt no lack, no uncertainty, and they were powerful, so powerful that they rose

up and challenged the gods themselves.

This posed a problem for the gods.

They didn't want to completely wipe out the human race as they'd have no one to

rule over.

But at the same time they had to do something to humble and distract humanity.

So Zeus split them in half.

He split each human into a man and a woman and doomed them to spend their brief mortal

existence wandering the world looking for their other half, the half that would make

them feel whole and powerful again.

And this wholeness came not from two perfections meeting, but two imperfections meeting, two

imperfections that both complemented and compensated for one another's shortcomings.

The artist Alex Grey once said that, "True love is when two people's pathologies complement

one another's."

Love is, by definition, crazy and irrational.

And the best love works when our irrationalities complement one another and our flaws enamor

one another.

It may be our perfections that attract one another.

But it's our imperfections that decide whether we stay together or not.

For more infomation >> 6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic - Duration: 14:55.

-------------------------------------------

Putin Visits Chernigovets Open-Cut Mine - Duration: 8:46.

During his trip to the Kemerovo Region, Vladimir Putin visited the Chernigovets open-cut mine to learn about its operations and meet with the workers.

The President reviewed the area of the Chernigovskaya-Koksovaya coal washing plant from a helicopter and watched video footage on the operations of the Chernigovets joint-stock company facilities.

President of the Siberian Business Union holding Mikhail Fedyayev provided clarifications during the tour.

The Chernigovets mining complex processes coal from the Kedrovsko-Krokhalyovskoye and Glushinskoye coal deposits.

All complex facilities are located close to each other allowing the company to reduce transportation costs and streamline its operations.

Chernigovets produces 8.8 million tonnes of coal per year, including sized coal, coal concentrate, power plant coal and coal for metal production.

The programme to develop the complex contemplates an increase in coal production to 10.9 million tonnes in 2025 and to 15 million tonnes in 2035.

Không có nhận xét nào:

Đăng nhận xét