Bad movies are everywhere, but a few especially bad lines can be the one magic element that
helps a terrible film achieve cult status.
Blame the writer, or blame the actor.
But these things happened, and they cannot be unseen — or unheard.
Here are some of the worst lines in movie history.
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
Most people agree that Mortal Kombat is a better video game series than a film franchise,
but the '90s were a crazy time for game-related media.
The movie Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is loosely based on the events of Mortal Kombat III,
and in this notable scene, actress Musetta Vander's dramatic response to Kitana is the
strangest moment of many in this unusual adaptation.
"Mother… you're alive."
"Too bad YOU… will DIE!"
By the end, everyone just kinda wishes they were dead anyhow.
Troll 2
A film people hate to love and love to hate, Troll 2 is so weird that it's even the subject
of its own documentary, 2009's Best Worst Movie.
It bumbled its way to unintentional legend status through a series of accidents and coincidences.
That includes a director who couldn't speak English that insisted on his script being
read verbatim, and amateur actors drawn from nearby towns and mental hospitals.
The result is movie magic.
In one of the film's most iconic scenes, a visiting teenager, paralyzed by goblin magic,
watches as a pretty girl dissolves into plant matter for the local trolls to eat — all
while he shout-narrates the whole thing, just so the audience can follow along.
Pay attention, because this is about to be your new phone ringtone:
"They're eating her.
And then they're going to eat me.
Oh my God!"
Even the fly on his forehead seems confused.
Battlefield Earth
L. Ron Hubbard's Battlefield Earth is an 800-page sci-fi epic about an alien race called Psychlos
who come to Earth and enslave humans for a thousand years.
The film version of Battlefield Earth stars John Travolta as the ridiculous, scheming
Psychlo named Terl, who's hated even by his own people.
There's not a lot of context needed for the film's most absurd scene, because it's just...that...bad.
"I'm going to make you as happy as a baby Psychlo on a straight diet of kerbango."
One might guess that that "kerbango" is just some Australian word for candy, but no.
In L. Ron Hubbard's world, "kerbango" is an alcoholic drink.
Terl's seductress is basically offering to make him as happy as a really drunk, starving
baby.
"Hahah!
It's a joke!"
"Hah hah hah!"
Tough Guys Don't Dance
Only the third or fourth weirdest entry in Isabella Rossellini's filmography, Tough Guys
Don't Dance tells a complicated tale of 1980s drug abuse, swinging, and a severed head or
two.
It's thoroughly over the top, but there was probably no effective way to deliver the film's
most notable scene.
Writer Tim Madden goes on a drive to read a letter from his ex-girlfriend, which contains
a revelation that causes him to have a total breakdown.
"Oh man.
Oh God.
Oh man.
Oh God, oh man!"
Oh god.
Oh god! Oh man!
The Wicker Man
When Nic Cage is involved, you know you're going to get a pretty amazing performance,
because no one captures the human experience the way he can — perhaps because he might
not be entirely human.
"I'm like a prickly pear!"
The Wicker Man is a 2006 remake of a 1973 drama, but these days the modern version is
regarded as an "accidental comedy" — which, really, is the best kind of comedy of all.
In the film's final scenes, Cage's character is captured by the island of Neo-pagans he's
been investigating for kidnapping his daughter.
And, naturally, they use him in a ritual to increase honey production on their island.
That's when this happens — which might also be your new phone ringtone:
"No, not the bees!
Not the bees!
Ahhh!
Ahh, my eyes!
My eyes!"
Here's a tip: they'd probably make a lot more honey if they didn't put all their bees in
bags and pour them on people.
Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2
Even with context, actor Eric Freeman's performance in Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is ridiculous.
Freeman, as Ricky Caldwell, suffers a psychotic break after his older brother goes on a Santa-themed
killing spree in the first Silent Night film.
"Oh, it's great.
It's about this guy who dresses up like Santa Claus and kills people."
"What?!"
Ricky subsequently follows in his big bro's footsteps.
As far as pre-murder proclamations go, this one is probably among the least ominous.
"GARBAGE DAY!"
Just yelling stuff that's happening isn't a very effective threat.
Might we suggest a better battle cry, Ricky?
"Let's do this.
LEEEROOOYYY JEEENKINS!"
Batman & Robin
There are few movies as universally panned by comic geeks as Joel Schumacher's Batman
& Robin.
It offered a sharp departure from the darker vibe of Tim Burton's acclaimed Batman movies
— and not for the better.
Of all of the insane elements Schumacher incorporated, including sections of film played backwards
and the appearance of Bane and his glorious veins, Batman's very own credit card is the
craziest.
Batman whips out the plastic to pay for a date with Poison Ivy...
"Seven million… never leave the Cave without it."
...ignoring all of the impossibly intricate financial funny business it would take to
let the Caped Crusader pay with a credit card while protecting his secret identity as Bruce
Wayne.
Hint: when you're pretending to not be a billionaire, don't act exactly like a billionaire.
X-Men
Bryan Singer's original X-Men was good enough to set a franchise in motion and helped superhero
films gain their footing in Hollywood.
It also gave Ray Park somewhere to go after he was chopped in half during The Phantom
Menace.
Of course, as good as it was, X-Men wasn't without an occasional flaw.
For instance, there's the bizarre riddle delivered by Storm to Park's character, the evil mutant
known as Toad.
"You know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?
Same thing that happens to everything else."
Not only is this totally unnecessary, but it's scientifically inaccurate.
Obviously superheroes need cool catchphrases and stuff…
"I summon the full power of the Storm!"
...but when you can instantly kill people with sky-electricity, you really don't need
to be fancy about it.
The Room
You probably saw this coming, but here we are anyway.
Let's end this list with a movie that basically doubles as a classic collection of all-time
terrible lines: Tommy Wiseau's The Room.
AKA, the best movie ever made.
"That's me!
How much is it?"
"It'll be $18.
"Here you go.
Keep the change.
Hi, doggie."
"You're my favorite customer."
"Thanks a lot.
Bye!"
Production was so fraught with problems that it inspired a book, The Disaster Artist, which
then inspired a film about the book.
The Room is filled with bad dialogue from top to bottom, due in part to the director's
insistence that his script be followed to the letter in spite of his tenuous grasp of
English.
"I did not hit her.
It's not true.
It's bull----.
I did not hit her.
I did naht…
Oh, hai Mark!"
From Tommy's casual dismissal of spousal abuse to his mother-in-law's strange reaction to
having cancer, the whole thing needs to be seen to be believed.
And just in case you're still hunting for that perfect phone ringtone, consider your
search finally over:
"You're tearing me apart, Lisa!"
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