[ Rhythmic clapping ]
That shit look like a hostage video, nigga.
They were like, "Yo, put this fuckin' kimono on and sing, motherfucker,
or we're gonna fuckin' take your iPad away for a week."
-Thanks, man. -Yeah.
Let's just wait for a second.
Wait. Yo, why my man just came through with the inmate pants, B?
What the fuck? Yo!
Yo, you just flaming Reggie this week.
♪♪
Uh-oh. After talking wild-brazy shit for years,
Trumpito finally made his official visit to China.
Jina! You gotta say it the way he says it. Jina.
-Jina. -Jina.
♪ I brought the Wraith to Jina just to race in Jina ♪
[ Laughs ]
Yes, after years of calling them currency manipulators,
saying they were destroying our economy,
saying they were a threat to us --
In the past, we know Trump has talked wild brazy about China.
Shout-out to all my Bloods out here talking about...
[ Laughter ]
We can't continue to allow China to rape our country.
And that's what they're doing.
Oh. Off the jump.
-Whoa, bro! Damn, nigga! -Wow!
Yo, you didn't get no media training before this?
We can't continue to allow China to rape our country.
And that's what they're doing.
China's taking our jobs, our money,
our base, our manufacturing.
What they've done to us
is the greatest single theft in the history of the world.
The greatest abuser in the history of this country.
This is like on "Love & Hip Hop"
when someone's talking wild shit in the café,
and then the person walks in.
Yeah. Yeah, boy.
All right. Have that same energy when you pull to China, dawg.
Yeah. When you link up at the reunion special, B,
we'll see what's poppin'.
A currency manipulator!
They break the rules in every way imaginable.
I have many friends in China. They agree with me 100%.
We have lost all of their respect.
They think we're run by a bunch of idiots.
Wait. You -- Uh...
They're right on that point, yeah.
All right, so you definitely went over there.
You went over there. You said it with your chest.
You went over there like, "Yo, Stars and Bars.
These colors don't run. USA in the house.
What's up, China? I'm on your block.
I've dropped a pin. What's up? Run up."
-Is that what he did? -You know what I'm sayin'?
You're a very special man.
My feeling toward you is an incredibly warm one.
Wow! How do you say "dick-flute solo" in Chinese?
Wow. Call the cops, bro. Damn, you're wild buns, my guy.
Woman: And today in Beijing, he won over the Chinese
with this major reversal on trade.
I don't blame China.
Wow. Wow.
Fam, you just dropped the wild heavy "R" word, like...
[ Applause ]
After all...
who can blame a country for being able
to take advantage of another country
for the benefit of its citizens?
I give China great credit. Damn!
"Yo, shout-out to China for bamboozling us."
Yo, China was Deebo, and they just took our chain,
and we be like, "Thank you."
He's like, "What factories, nigga?"
Oh, wow.
And while your boy Trumpito
was out annoying the president of China,
our true President was on his way to jury duty
with his people in Chi-Town.
-You know what I'm sayin'? -Barry.
We got a new Barry sighting?
The gawd. You know what I'm sayin'?
Wait. Obama got to do --
Nah, if you're the president, you shouldn't have to do jury duty.
-Like, nigga -- -Like, come on.
You can walk in there and be like, "Nigga, I was the president."
They be like, "Do you have any reason
why you think you should not serve on this jury?"
Like, "'Cause I was the president?"
"Nigga, I'm Barack Obama? Don't you recognize my face?"
Actually, though, you need smart people to do jury duty, so...
Yeah, that's true.
Shout-out to him. Doing his civic duty.
-That's okay. -Hi, Mr. President.
-Good to see you. -You too.
-Hello, sir. -Thank you.
Pres. Obama: Thanks, everybody, for serving on the jury.
[ Laughter ]
-How are you? -Shaking hands.
Look at this! Did you know I was coming?
Man: Yes, I did.
Oh. See there? It must have leaked.
He brought my book and everything.
-That's smart, though. -Wow. How are you?
-Good to see you, sir. -Good to see you.
How are you? Nice to meet you.
-How you doing, sir? -I'm doing good.
Mero: Bro, this is crazy. Like, I can't even --
He's still president.
Yeah, like, bro, you're still the president, bro.
Just go to the White House and move back in.
You know what it is? It's like --
To me, Ruben Studdard is still the American Idol.
I never moved on past that. Forever. It's gonna be Obama.
Yeah. 2004. That's it. Forever.
Back in the summer of 2015,
Trumpito showed up for jury duty in Manhattan.
He's like, "What is this? What do I do here?"
"What is this?"
Nigga pulled up in a lim-o-o-o-o!
-Damn! -What a...asshole!
Wow!
He's like, "Yo.
He's like, "Yo, what is this? The Met Gala?
What's going on? What's shaking, my niggas?
-Yo, what's poppin'? -Here to do my duty."
Yo, yo. Check it. Bong, bong. Yo.
Let me sign your titty."
See? Look at him in there.
Imagine you on a jury with Donald Trump.
You look over there, and he's just sitting there like,
"Meh, he's black. He's guilty.
I mean, what are we doing here? We're wasting time."
[ Rhythmic clapping ]
We go out to St. Louis for an examination
of how the Yakubian male talks to the police.
I mean, there's different rules for different folks.
You got to poke your finger in a cop's badge and say,
"My taxes pay for your salary, buster." "Hey! Listen to me!"
"I'm Scott Smith, and me and my two co-workers
were returning to work downtown
from lunch at Peacemaker Lobster & Crab
when we got stopped at a red light
and were harassed by public servants who are serving me.
I pay your...salary, you jerk!"
I love nothing more than when people call cops "buster."
-Yeah. -"Listen, buster!"
"Listen here, pal!"
Ohh.
[ Turn signal clicking ]
Man: Seriously?
Officer: Seriously. Is your horn stuck?!
Is your brain stuck?
Is your...horn stuck, smart ass?!
What the...is this?
What the...is this?
Let me see your driver's license.
This is...up.
Good. Let me see your driver's license.
I will. For what? Honking?
Let me see your driver's license.
For what? For what?!
Desus: White guys talk to cops the way white kids talk to parents.
I would never -- Yo.
Let me see your driver's license.
Man: For what?
Mero: He's like, "...you, Chad!"
He knows the nigga's first name and shit.
"You're not even a real cop.
"You're not even a real cop. You're auxiliary.
We were in chemistry together. Get outta here."
...outta here."
He said, "For what?" The cop said,
"Let me see your license." And he said, "For what?"
Cop tells me, "Let me see your license,"
I'm doing -- ♪ Ohh, yes, sir, hey, oh, hey ♪
♪ Here's your license, sir, don't shoot me down ♪
♪ Here's my birth certificate and my passport, as well ♪
Man: For what?! Officer: I tell you what.
You either show me your driver's license,
or you're gonna wind up getting a ticket,
I'll tow your car and lock you up. For what?
Let me see your driver's license. For what?
You're being stopped for a traffic violation.
For honking at someone who's sitting at a green light?
...ridiculous.
Sorry. What'd you just say?
I said this is...ridiculous.
Well, you know what? Maybe you shouldn't be a...asshole.
You're sitting at a green light. I have to go back to work.
-Really? -Yeah, really.
I hope you're not in a hurry,
'cause you're gonna be delayed for a little while.
...jack-off.
Cool.
Mero: "Cool." Yo, why the -- No, no, no, no, no!
This guy just had a... college dorm-room...
interaction with a cop.
Like, fam, as soon as my homey's like, "Yo, where's your license?"
I'm like, "I think it's in that --"
Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow!
-Exactly. -It's over! God damn.
These niggas went out for a drink after this.
Officer: Well, you know what? Maybe you shouldn't be a...asshole.
Man: You're sitting at a green light. I have to go back to work.
-Really? -Yeah, really.
I hope you're not in a hurry,
'cause you're gonna be delayed for a little while.
...jack-off.
Mero: "Jack-off." [ Laughs ]
Desus: Wow.
Yo! What is this?
Is this a scene from "King of Queens"?
Like, what is this shit, B? What the...?
Man: What a...dick!
[ Laughs ]
That part -- Everyone says that during a traffic stop, though.
Nah, when the cop walks away, you always say that.
"...asshole. Dickhead." "...dickhead."
He come back, you be like, "Yes, sir. Okay.
Thank you, Officer."
"Thank you so much. Have a great day! Blue lives matter.
Hey, thanks for protecting the community."
Hey. Look at my knee? I didn't kneel."
[ Rhythmic clapping ]
Yo, The Hollywood Reporter
did an intimate sit-down interview with Drake
and gave us a rare look at his softer side.
Here's my Drake face.
The intimate side of Champagnepapi.
We really let him cook with that Instagram name.
I tried to get him out the paint on that one. They was like, "No."
He was like, "Nigga, I am Champagnepapi.
You can't stop me." Champagnepapi. That's it.
♪♪
Big up, mans dem Aubrey. My Jamaican cousin from Canada.
More fire interview for your head top.
-Okay. Top left. -You know what I'm sayin'?
When he got shot on "Degrassi."
Uh, I'd say the best show on television
at the moment is "Ozark."
-Wrong. -What? I never even --
-"Desus & Mero." -Yeah. Wrong answer.
-What -- "Ozark"? -Yeah. It's supposed to be good.
It's one of those shows where people are like,
"Yo, did you see it? It's really good."
They won't tell you why.
♪♪
"This shirt makes me look..."
I don't know.
This shirt makes me look sexy. Yeah.
Wait. Does he have a choker on?
I was like -- I thought he had on a turtleneck.
This nigga got on a --
Yo, your man got on the Claire's choker, yo.
Like...did you order that from Dalia's?
Fam, like...
-Ohh! -That's not his skin.
That's not his skin.
Oh, okay. We're just being racist. Sorry.
Damn.
I was like, "Is he bleaching? Why is he two different shades?"
-All right. I get it. -How are you --
He's like, "It's called high fashion, you poor people."
"You wouldn't understand anything about it."
Look at him smiling. He's like, "Look at you broke boys.
He's like, "Yeah, you broke-ass niggas."
You guys confused my sweaters.
How do you wake up with yourselves?"
Yeah.
Drake loves turtlenecks, yo.
It's a good look for him, though.
Makes him look introspective and safe.
Yo...
[ Laughs ]
Butt play.
I'm a fan of Hermès, Birkins.
There's very few things in this world, tangible things, anyway,
that hold their value.
Drake it up. Go ahead. Make it a Drake moment.
So it was one of those things that, you know,
I just started collecting, as well,
for I guess the woman that I end up with one day.
Wow. Drake is collecting purses.
For a woman he hasn't even met yet.
Wow! That's the Drake-ist thing ever, bro!
Let me put on my feminist hat. Drake!
How do you know the woman of your dreams enjoys Birkin bags?
Why you are putting your own goals and aspirations on her?
Why don't you respect her agency, huh?
Maybe she doesn't like that.
Maybe she's simple. Maybe she just likes Coach bags.
Also, you're making it very difficult
for the rest of us regular guys.
'Cause now when shorty pulls up like, "Where's my Birkin bag?"
I'll be like, "At the Birkin store
where you can go purchase it yourself."
I'm glad you made a left on Woke Street and came back to Nigga-dom.
-Okay? Birkin Bags. -Yo. Chill.
How much are bags? 25K, depending on the bag.
Listen. I'm getting the butt if I'm getting a Birkin bag.
Straight peanut butter, nigga.
[ Laughter ]
You don't got to spend $25,000 to get the butt, my guy.
That's like one bottle of Moscato.
You know what I'm sayin'? You dig?
A nice night at Cheesecake Factory will get you the butt.
You don't got to drop 25K.
No. A nice night at Cheesecake Factory will give you mud butt.
♪♪
Yo. Number-one show in late night.
That's right, ballbags. Illustrious guests every time.
Tonight we have a legendary luminary.
Steve Stoute, the author and founder.
-Those are words. -Yes, those are real words.
You know what I'm sayin'? I smashed the SAT.
He's the author and the founder and the CEO
of the brand development and marketing firm Translation.
-You know what I'm sayin'? -Nothing but illustrious guests.
Give it up for Steve Stoute.
-Yeah! -Come on up, brother.
♪♪
You've been in the business a minute.
Yeah. I don't look like that, though.
No, no. You look young. You look young and fresh.
Like you just started.
I didn't put...shoe polish in my beard.
I kept my shit gray.
Are you accusing people here of shoe polishing?
Nah.
[ Laughter ]
[ Dialogue overlapping ]
These... Oh, man.
I've been in the game since --
See, I've been in the game since '92 -- '91, '92.
I'm not a rapper, so when I say that,
nobody be like, "Oh, you an old-school rapper."
No, I'm just an experienced businessman.
-You are. -I've been --
Since '92, I've been in the business and, um...
Started out as a roadie.
Not a road manager. The roadie for Kid 'n Play.
Oh, shit.
You know, right after "House Party" and shit.
And then ever since then, man, boom, been getting it in.
-Tell us about Translation. -Yeah.
Translation. So, I started that company in 2004.
We represent -- We do State Farm.
So, that Chris Paul and the Hoopers and all that shit.
All that shit. That's all our work.
-Oh, shit. -And we represent the NBA.
So we do the NBA -- This Is Why We Play.
That's our shit.
But, I mean, even before that, man,
coming up with "I'm lovin' it" for McDonald's.
Got Pusha T to write that.
Yeah. I heard that. And I was like, "What?!"
That's some wild -- You would never expect that.
Yeah, put Fabolous right here
in a Reebok commercial back in the day.
Remember he bit the jelly doughnut, it fell on the sneakers?
Yeah. [ Laughs ]
All these things can come up, man.
But I love --
That's my thing, man, just pushing the culture forward.
Right. Keeping it authentic.
Just keep pushing the culture forward.
All right. You said only --
Maybe it was something like 10 artists actually know --
This is deep. Yeah, yeah.
Actually something only like 10 artists know the music business.
Maybe 10 artists.
So, like, the rest of them are just out here...
Well, the truth of the matter is,
artists are supposed to be great at being artists.
Managers and all the other things
are supposed to be doing that.
It's like if you're a great producer, that's your job.
And then there's a great director, then there's a writer.
And as an artist, they're supposed to --
But the problem is, is that the business
had gotten so big
that unfortunately for the artists,
the businesspeople were reaching in their pocket.
You know? And it happened to the best of them.
And as a result of that, I felt like it's important
that artists take control of their own future.
I feel like it's important that artists own their own masters,
which is the reason why we started --
I'm starting, going back in the record business
and building a company called United Masters.
And it's really for all independent artists
to be able to -- to remain independent.
-Right. -Right?
So they can actually really get the data,
the data that really matters,
like this is the person who's streaming your music.
This is how you find them
so that you can actually stream the music.
And you may not make much money on the music,
but then you can tell them the tickets, sell them merch.
So it's really building
a direct-to-consumer relationship
between artists and fans, and I'm proud to do that.
You were Nas' manager --
Was that during the "Ether" beef?
-Yeah. -What was that like?
-'Cause you know Jay, right? -Yeah.
As hip-hop fans, that was an ill moment in radio
because there was crews of people going up to these shows
and freestyling and talking shit.
It was crazy, right?
You know what the funniest thing is?
I can't even imagine
what it must have been like being on the outside.
I wish --
Bro, we were tuned in like it was TV.
We would tune in to Flex, Clue, whoever,
whoever had G Unit up there or D-Block up there.
You would have to sit down and tune in.
If you weren't caught up on it, people --
Like, my cousin was calling from Rikers
because people were getting their face slashed
depending if they were on Jay Z or Nas' side.
-Word? -Yes. It was that serious.
Yeah, no. It was not a joke. We used to get in the car.
My mans used to get in the car and be like,
"We're gonna roll up this L, Flex about to come on,
G-Unit's about to come on
and talk wild shit about Fat Joe and Ja Rule and whoever.
So we gonna roll a L, drive around,
and just listen to this shit."
Word?
What was it like from the inside?
-That's how it was. -Yeah, that's a fact, man.
At one point, people was like, "Yo, Jay Z got to shoot Nas."
Whoa. Wait. Relax.
No, no, no. Let's get some more records out of this.
No, no, no. If you go back in the fact,
Wendy Williams was the person who really broke "Ether."
Because Hot 97 didn't want to play it.
Jay was so strong -- this guy --
so strong that, A, he had Hot 97 on some --
-Pressure. -Yeah.
And in fact, Nas was performing it one night,
and they just stopped the show.
-Was that the one -- -And then he went --
Then went on Power 105.
And Nas broke Power.
Power was just a small little station.
Nobody even...with it.
And because Nas didn't...with Hot 97,
he went and did Power and went crazy
and then started shitting on everybody.
Listen. You are not a broke boy. You are not at TD Bank.
You got the M's in the bank account.
What was your first stupid purchase?
The one that you look back like, "Nah."
That was stupid? Like, stupid. You look back --
-In a good way? -Exorbitant.
At the time, you thought you needed it.
And looking back, you was like, "That was very wasteful."
Did you just buy a Porsche and crash it and walk away?
No. Oh, no.
The dumbest shit I did was...
I chartered a boat in the Hamptons,
and then I needed to go back and forth
between the city and the Hamptons,
and I bought two Porsches in May
to sell them in September.
So I basically -- You couldn't rent Porsches.
So I bought them for four months to sell them.
[ Laughter ]
Yo!
So you four-month-financed some Porsches?
-All right. -All right. All right.
I respect it.
I'm gonna get back on your --
I resp-- Nah. Leave my beard alone, man.
I'm popped, baby. I don't got it.
♪♪
What do you want your rainbow to say, Steve Stoute?
And it better not be anything about my beard.
[ Laughs ]
Swear to God, Steve.
Just say some rich-boy shit. Don't roast me.
I'm not gonna roast you. You know what?
My shit. You can put hashtags in it?
You're Steve Stoute. We can't tell you --
You do what you want, baby.
Pushing Culture Forward.
#Pushing Culture Corward.
Pushing Forward -- Pushing the Culture Forward.
-Here we go. -Pushing Culture Forward!
Say that three time fast.
Pushing Culture Forward! Pushing Culture Forward!
Steve Stoute! Founder and CEO of Translation!
♪ Hey, hey, unh-unh, whoa, whoa ♪
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
-Shout-outs! -Shout-outs! Yeah!
Hey, shout-out to the national ambassador
for dark-skinned brothers, Michael Blackson,
for continuing to rep for Team Dark Skin.
We're not bleaching. We're just getting darker.
He's repping his set.
Shout-out for all my brothers out there.
All you see are our eyeballs and our teeth.
Tyrese, what the...is going on?
[ Laughter ]
While we laugh, why is Michael Blackson the only person
in Hollywood talking sense to Tyrese?
Yo! Fam!
How did I know?! Like...
Also, Michael Blackson looks like E.T.
when he's on the bike.
[ Laughs ] Yo! Ohh!
He's like, "Ride faster, my nigga.
We must jump over the Moon."
"I have to phone home..."
Tyrese, what the...is going on?
What the...is going on, Tyrese?!
Explain this shit
to the dark-skinned community right now.
I was so close to bringing you back in,
and not trading you,
taking them light-skinned niggas back
and bring you back to the dark side.
But then we heard rumors
that Will Smith didn't give you any money.
Wh-y-y-y-y?
[ Laughing ]
Yo, yo, but Tyrese really went and said
that Will Smith gave him $5 million.
Who lies about that?!
There's certain lies you can say, and people can't --
That's one phone call. You can get that -- No.
No, dawg.
If the money's there, we need 25%.
You have to pay for your darkness.
But if the money's not there, why are you making shit up?
You have set us back 300 years, Tyrese.
I am a slave all over again because of you.
-Oh, God. -No. My --
-Look at his face. -Look at his face.
He's like, "I didn't want to have to make that joke, but I had to."
"But I had to because you're...wildin', my nigga."
And why are you broke, Tyrese?
You have a...restaurant and a...club in your house.
I've been there.
[ Laughter ]
He said, "You have a restaurant and a club in your house."
Yo! Nigga said, "I've been there." Yo.
St-o-o-o-o-op!
[ Exhales deeply ]
Call me right now. Let's talk about this.
1-800-Dark-Niggas.
That's actually the number. Don't call it.
For emergencies only.
Yo, shout-out to this question on "Jeopardy!"
-Is it about us? -Yeah.
We know we made it when they have
"This show has nothing but illustrious guests, ballbags."
And Alex Trebek is like, "No, no, no.
It's not 'Jesus & DeMarco.' It's 'Desus & Mero.'"
-Incorrect. Sorry. -So close.
I'll take Potent Potables for $500.
[ Laughs ]
Trebek: Anand. What is pen?
No.
Wha-- [ Laughs ]
Get Anand outta here...
Yo, Anand -- Anand got no swag, bro.
He's like, "Play 'Thong Song,' guy."
Come on. Yo.
Look at the other two joints stung like, "I don't --
What's a Rae Sremmurd? Sha-merd?
Is that French? Is that a French violinist?"
Did no one get this question?
[ Beeping ] What is lit?
[ Laughter ]
The best part of "Jeopardy!" is Alex Trebek
just being condescending like he knew this
if it wasn't written on a card in front of him.
He's like, "Lit. Lit. "Lit.
A.k.a. litty two titty, if you are in Flybridge."
Lit." Lit like Bic."
♪♪
Yo, shout-out to Ice-T's wife, Coco,
traveling the streets of New York City.
You know Ice-T's wife. Ice-T from "Law & Order."
Yeah. "You raped her."
Okay. I knew you were gonna do that.
Oh, they got a kid?
I didn't even know they had a kid.
Yeah. Someone's vacuuming in front of her.
[ Laughter ]
-Because... -Because what?
Low-key, I'm like, "This is excessive,"
but that would keep the bottom of your sneakers clean, right?
I mean, in New York, though?
There's definitely bum semen and shit on the floor,
like, that the vacuum is probably not gonna pick up.
-This seems excessive, but -- -It seems excessive?
[ Laughs ]
'Cause half of me is like, "I mean, I underst--"
I'm so warped now, like,
I can see the reasons why she would do this.
Part of me is like, "No. That makes perfect sense, Desus."
"Where's your vacuum guy?"
And I'm like, "Damn. Where is my vacuum guy?"
Fonzworth Bentley, if you're not doing anything.
I'm-a call Dyson tonight like, "Yo, I needs that."
♪♪
For more infomation >> IT'S HARD TO SAY GOODBYE - VLOG #32 | SISSISPONG - Duration: 9:14. 
For more infomation >> German Stories Read Slowly | Die Küchenuhr by Wolfgang Borchert | Get Germanized | #1 - Duration: 9:24. 
For more infomation >> Pusnakts šovs septiņos - DaGamba - Duration: 4:54. 
For more infomation >> Что теперь будет с губернаторами которых уволил Путин | Pravda GlazaRezhet - Duration: 7:15. 
For more infomation >> Altiplano Full Playthrough - JonGetsGames - Duration: 2:02:22. 
For more infomation >> Seth's Favorite Jokes of the Week: Election 2017 Results, Volunteer Santa Claus - Duration: 1:31. 
For more infomation >> Uwoya Aitwa Polisi Mamilioni ya Pesa Waliyotumia Kuwatokea Puani - Duration: 7:19. 
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét