>> WHAT'S GOING ON!
YOU'VE GOT SOME ZINGERS TONIGHT.
>> WELL, THANK YOU.
>> I MEAN --
>> YOU LOOK GREAT.
>> WHY, THANK YOU.
WHAT'S ON YOUR HAND?
>> THIS IS MY HALL OF FAME RING.
>> IS IT REAL?
OH, THAT SAYS YES.
>> OF COURSE IT'S REAL.
>> SHAQ, YOU CAN'T WEAR THAT.
THAT'S NOT OKAY.
THAT'S HUGE.
>> I EARNED THIS.
>> YEAH, PUT IT IN LIKE A SAFETY
DEPOSIT BOX.
>> I KNOW YOU'RE A LAKER FAN,
BUT ARE YOU A DODGER FAN TOO?
>> UH, YEAH.
YEAH, YOU GUYS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
YOU GUYS, WE HAVE TO RALLY.
DID YOU WATCH YESTERDAY'S GAME?
>> NO, I DID NOT.
BUT I HEARD ABOUT IT.
>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
>> I'M A YANKEES FAN.
♪
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE A
YANKEES FAN!
>> I'M FROM NEW JERSEY.
>> GET HIM OFF, YOU GUYS.
GET OUT OF HERE.
>> HOW MANY DODGER DOGS CAN YOU
EAT?
>> HONESTLY?
>> HONESTLY.
>> THREE, WITH THE BUN.
>> WITH THE BUN?
>> YEAH, NO PROBLEM.
FOUR, FIVE, IF I WANT TO FEEL
LIKE [ BLEEP ].
BUT IF I WANT TO FEEL OKAY,
THREE.
>> ARE YOU LOUD IN THE STANDS?
>> IN ALL DEPENDS.
I'M A MOTHER.
SO I'M RESPECTFUL OF CHILDREN.
AND IF THERE'S A CHILD NEXT TO
ME, I WILL NOT YELL PROFANITIES,
BUT IF THERE'S NO SAID CHILD IN
MY VICINITY, YES, [ BLEEP ], I
SCREAM.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU.
>> NOW THAT YOU SAY THAT, I CAN
REMEMBER HEARING YOUR GAME AT
THE LAKERS GAME.
>> I SCREAM SO MUCH.
>> MAKE A DAMN FREE-THROW, SHAQ!
HUSTLE BACK ON DEFENSE, SHAQ!
>> YOU ARE REALLY FUN TO WATCH,
I GOTTA SAY.
>> THANK YOU.
SO HALLOWEEN IS COMING UP.
>> YES.
>> YOU HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT
DECISION.
DO YOU GO TRICK-OR-TREATING, OR
DO YOU GO TO GAME 7?
>> IT'S NOT THAT HARD OF A
DECISION.
I'M GOING TO GAME 7.
HERE'S THE THING -- NO, NO, IT'S
GAME 6, TO BE EXACT.
BUT WHO'S COUNTING, CLEARLY NOT
A YANKEE FAN.
HERE'S THE GREAT NEWS ABOUT
THIS, I HAVE A 3-YEAR-OLD, WHO
HAS NO CONCEPT OF TIME.
SO WE, IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD, HAD
A HUGE HALLOWEEN PARTY THIS PAST
SATURDAY.
SO SHE GOT TO GO
TRICK-OR-TREATING, 200 KIDS
SHOWED UP.
IT WAS LIKE MAZES AND HAUNTED
HOUSES AND EVERYTHING.
SO AS FAR AS SHE'S CONCERNED,
SHE DID HALLOWEEN.
>> DO YOU LIKE DRESSING UP FOR
HALLOWEEN?
>> I LOVE IT.
I REALLY DO.
DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU WHAT
I WENT AS THIS YEAR?
>> YES, TELL ME.
>> THIS IS WHAT SUCKS ABOUT
HAVING A KID, BECAUSE THEY TELL
YOU WHAT TO DO AND YOU LISTEN.
YOU PICK YOUR BATTLES AND THIS
IS NOT ONE OF THEM.
I WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE MY
DAUGHTER, DON'T YOU WANT TO BE
LIKE BATMAN OR SUPERMAN, OR
SOMETHING AWESOME?
SHE'S LIKE, NO, MOM, I'M GOING
TO BE CINDERELLA.
I'M LIKE, OOH, GROSS.
MY KID IS IN A CINDERELLA DRESS.
AND I SAID, MOMMA'S GOING TO BE,
I STARTED NAMING OFF ANYTHING
LIKE HANS SOLEO.
AND SHE'S LIKE, NO, MOMMA IS
GONNA BE -- GUESS WHAT I WAS.
>> ELSA.
>> I HAD A BLONDE WIG AND
EVERYTHING.
>> THIS IS THE LAST TIME I DID
HALLOWEEN RIGHT HERE, I WAS A
TREE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> IS THIS CUTE?
>> IT'S KINDA CUTE.
I DON'T WANT TO SAY THE WORD
CUTE BECAUSE YOU'RE GIANT AND
I'M SCARED, BUT YES, YOU WERE
CUTE.
>> YOU SAVED YOUR HUSBAND FROM
GETTING BEAT UP?
>> I DID?
>> YES.
>> OH, NO, I DON'T KNOW WHERE
THIS IS GOING, YOU GUYS.
WHAT DID I DO?
>> I WAS A FAN OF HIS SHOW.
SO WHEN I FINALLY MEET HIM,
LET'S JUST SAY IT'S ON A FRIDAY.
I SAID, YOU'LL NEVER PUNK ME.
BET 100,000.
SO HE PUNKS ME THE NEXT DAY.
I WAS SO PISSED, I WAS GOING TO
KILL HIM.
BUT THEN WHEN I SAW HE WAS
MARRIED TO YOU, I LET HIM GO.
>> HE'S A GOOD GUY.
>> GIVE HIM A HUG AND A KISS
FROM ME.
>> HE DID TRY TO PUNK ME A
COUPLE OF TIMES.
AND HE FAILED NUMEROUS TIMES.
SO SUCK IT, HUSBAND!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> SO, HAVE EITHER OF YOUR KIDS
EVER FELL ASLEEP ON THE TOILET?
>> UH, NO.
I DON'T THINK SO.
SHE'S MAYBE GOTTEN A LITTLE
SLEEPY.
THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY.
WAS THIS CGI OR DID THEY BUILD A
GIANT TOILET?
>> THEY BUILT A GIANT TOILET.
AND IT LOOKED SO NICE, I TOLD
THEM TO FEDEX IT TO MY HOUSE,
I'M KEEPING THAT.
>> IF YOU HAVE TO HAVE A GIANT
TOILET, BUT THAT'S TOO CROWD.
WE'RE TOO HIGH BROW FOR THAT
CONVERSATION.
>> I USE A REGULAR TOILET.
>> I DO TOO.
AND I'M A QUARTER OF YOUR SIZE.
>> I'M A BIG GUY BUT I HAVE A
REGULAR ASS.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WHAT ARE YOU, SEVEN FOOT?
>> 7'1".
>> THAT'S TALL, NOT HUMAN.
>> ARE THOSE BOOTS?
>> YES.
>> CAN YOU STAND UP SO WE CAN
SEE THOSE?
>> HELLO.
THIS OUTFIT, TO ME, REMINDED ME
OF JULIA ROBERTS IN "PRETTY
WOMAN," AND I WAS LIKE, THIS IS
CLASSY.
I WILL WEAR THIS ON JIMMY
KIMMEL.
AND IT'S ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD,
SO I FELT LIKE IT WAS MOST
APPROPRIATE.
>> YOU LOOK AWESOME.
>> NO MORE PERFECT GIFTS, NO
MORE PERFECT ANYTHING.
>> LET'S PUT THE ASS BACK IN
CHRISTMAS.
>> THAT DIDN'T COME OUT EXACTLY
AS I PLAIN PLANNED IT, BUT YOU
GUYS KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
>> YEAH, WE GOT YOU.
>> TO TAKING CHRISTMAS BACK!
>> WELCOME BACK.
I AM SHAQUILLE O'NEAL,
SUBBING IN FOR JIMMY KIMMEL.
I'M HERE WITH THE LOVELY MILA
KUNIS.
SO THIS MOVIE IS KIND OF A DIRTY
CHRISTMAS MOVIE.
CAN YOU SAY THAT STUFF ON TV?
>> [ BLEEP ] YEAH, YOU CAN.
I MEAN, IT'S LATE NIGHT, SO YOU
CAN DO ANYTHING.
>> YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.
TELL US ABOUT THE MOVIE.
>> THE MOVIE IS CALLED "A BAD
MOMS CHRISTMAS," IT'S A
CONTINUATION OF THE LAST ONE,
LESS THAN A YEAR AGO, BECAUSE WE
PRODUCE FAST.
AND THE MOMS ARE MET WITH THEIR
OPPOSITION, WHICH HAPPENS TO BE
THEIR MOTHERS.
SO YOU SEE OUR GROUP OF GALS
REGRESS TO BEING TEENAGERS AND
YOU UNDERSTAND WHY THEY ARE THE
WAY THEY ARE BASED ON WHO THEIR
MOTHERS ARE.
IT'S ACTUALLY A BEAUTIFUL STORY.
IT'S FUNNY.
>> DON'T BE MAD AT ME, BUT I SAW
A BOOTLEG VERSION OF THE MOVERY
EARLIER.
>> OF COURSE YOU DID.
>> AND I SAW THAT YOU GAVE SANTA
A LAP DANCE AND YOU CURSED OUT
KENNY G.
>> YEAH, I DID.
>> WERE THOSE LIFE-LONG DREAMS
OF YOURS?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, I WAS SO
PLEASANTLY SURPRISED THAT KENNY
G. SAID YES.
THERE'S A REALLY FUNNY MOMENT IN
THE MOVIE WHERE HE WAS OUR WISH
OF SOMETHING THAT WE COULD GET,
SOMEBODY LIKE KENNY G., KENNY G.
THEY WERE LIKE, FORGET IT, LET'S
JUST GET KENNY G.
AND I'M LIKE, IF HE SAYS YES TO
THIS GAG, HE'S MY NEW FAVORITE
PERSON.
HE WAS SO FUNNY ABOUT IT, THAT I
DO APPLAUD ME SOME KENNY G. AND
HIS GOOD, SOLID SENSE OF HUMOR.
HOWEVER, THE LAP DANCE WAS THREE
IN THE MORNING IN ATLANTA
WEARING COATS.
IT WAS HORRIBLE.
AND THERE WAS LIKE A LITTLE KID
IN THE BEGINNING, THAT ENDED UP
GETTING CUT OUT.
AND SHE BELIEVES IN SANTA
BECAUSE SANTA EXISTS, IN CASE
THEY'RE WATCHING.
SO WE HAD TO REFER TO SANTA FOR
16 HOURS.
SANTA, PLEASE GET ON YOUR MARKS,
SANTA.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
IT'S MUCH HARDER THAN YOU THINK.
>> I KNOW.
HOW OLD WILL YOUR KIDS HAVE TO
BE BEFORE YOU LET THEM WATCH THE
MOVIE?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE THERE'S BILL
BOARDS EVERYWHERE IN L.A. RIGHT
NOW.
IN THE BILLBOARD, I'M WEARING A
SANTA HAT.
MY DAUGHTER HAS NO CLUE WHAT I
DO FOR A LIVING.
SHE THINKS MOMMY GETS HAIR AND
MAKEUP.
SHE COMES TO THE HAIR AND MAKEUP
TRAILER AND SHE LEAVES.
SO SHE SAW THIS BILL BBOARD OF
WITH A SANTA HAT, AND SHE'S
LIKE, THAT'S FUNNY, WHY IS MOMMA
WEARING A SANTA HAT?
I'M LIKE, I DON'T KNOW.
SO I DON'T KNOW WHEN SHE'S GOING
TO SEE ANY OF MY MOVIES, BECAUSE
NONE OF THEM ARE OKAY.
I CLEARLY DON'T MAKE MOVIES FOR
CHILDREN, YOU GUYS.
>> I READ SOMETHING VERY
INTERESTING.
I HEARD THAT YOU DON'T BUY YOUR
KIDS STUFF FOR CHRISTMAS?
>> FALSE.
I WILL SAY THIS.
I'M NOT LIKE ANTI-GIFTS.
I JUST DON'T OVER-GIFT MY CHILD
BECAUSE -- [ GASPS ].
>> WHAT DID YOU DO?
>> I'M SHAQ-A-CLAUSE.
>> NO, NO.
YOU CAN GO INTO BUSINESS WITH
SHAQ-A-GRANDPARENTS OVER THERE
AND YOU CAN ALL TAKE CARE OF
BUSINESS.
SHE'S OVERWHELMED WITH PRESENTS.
WHAT DO YOU GIVE YOUR CHILDREN?
OH E NO.
>> EVERYTHING THEY WANT.COM.
>> YOU DO, DON'T YOU?
YOU DO!
YOU'RE SUCH A SUCKER.
>> I HAVE SIX, THREE BOYS AND
THREE GIRLS.
THEY'RE HERE, THEY'RE ACTUALLY
UP THERE.
>> WHERE?
>> UP THERE.
SAY HI, AT THE TOP.
>> THOSE ARE YOUR SPOILED BRATS?
>> YES.
>> WHAT'S THE LAST GIFT THAT
Y'ALL GOT?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
JUST GOT A PHONE TODAY.
>> OH, YEAH, A PHONE, I GOT IT
YESTERDAY.
>> I BOUGHT HER AN iPHONE
YESTERDAY.
>> WAS YOUR PHONE BROKEN?
>> YEAH, THE WHOLE SCREEN.
>> THAT'S OKAY, THAT DOESN'T
COUNT.
>> SHE CALLED ME AND I DELIVERED
IN TEN MINUTES OR LESS.
CAN YOU BUY ME A PHONE?
SURE, BABY.
>> YOUR KIDS ARE QUIET, UNLIKE
YOU.
THREE BOYS, THREE GIRLS?
>> YES.
>> ARE YOU GUYS ALL TALL?
>> VERY TALL.
THAT'S WHY THEY'RE SITTING UP
TOP, SO THEY DON'T BLOCK THE
CAMERAS.
OKAY, EXPLAIN TO ME ABOUT
CHRISTMAS.
DO YOU BUY THEM BIRTHDAY
PRESENTS?
>> NO, I GIVE THEM PRESENTS.
I'M NOT ANTI-GIFTS, IT'S JUST
THAT THEY GET SO MANY WONDERFUL
GIFTS FROM MY FAMILY AND MY
HUSBAND'S FAMILY, THAT HE AND I
GIVE LITERALLY ONE PRESENT.
AND I KNOW THAT STORY GOT TAKEN
OUT OF CONTROL, LIKE NO PRESENTS
FOR MY DAUGHTER.
MY SON IS 11 MONTHS OLD, SO HE
GETS BOOB AND HE'S FINE.
THAT'S RIGHT, BOOBS, WE GOT
THEM.
I SAID BOOBS.
>> OKAY.
I HAVE A GREAT GIFT IDEA FOR
YOUR DAUGHTER.
>> NO.
>> HERE IT IS.
>> HELLO, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR
YOUR CALL.
>> I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU.
>> LET'S SHARE SECRETS.
>> WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE MY NEW
HAT.
>> I JUST LOVE TO GO SHOPPING.
>> I DO TOO!
>> THAT'S GREAT.
>> DO YOU LIKE PIZZA?
>> SO MUCH.
>> YEAH.
I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
>> WHAT?
>> I LOVE YOU.
>> I LOVE YOU.
>> BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> OH, MY GOD, I HATE YOU, FIRST
OF ALL, BUT SECOND OF ALL, DO
YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING
REALLY FUNNY?
MY GRANDFATHER, WHO IS LIKE 94
AND AWESOME WILL TELL EVERYBODY,
HE'S LIKE, I KNEW THAT MY
GRANDDAUGHTER WAS GOING TO MAKE
IT AFTER HER TELEPHONE TAMMY
COMMERCIAL.
LIKE TO THIS DAY, I PEAKED, THAT
WAS THE HAZARDOEIGHT OF MY CARE.
WAS THIS THE PRODUCERS?
>> NO, THAT WAS ALL ME.
>> TELEPHONE TAMMY.
>> THEY DON'T LIKE THE CORDS.
THEY LIKE CORDLESS NOW.
>> "A BAD MOMS CHRISTMAS" OPENS
IN THEATRES WEDNESDAY.
MILA KUNIS EVERYBODY!
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