-Let's get to the news. The Supreme Court today upheld
President Trump's travel ban on seven primarily Muslim nations.
Though, I think they should only uphold the ban
if Trump can name all seven.
[ As Trump ] "Well, um, there's Iraq, Iran, um, Sharona."
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] President Trump was in South Carolina
to campaign for Governor Henry McMaster.
Incidentally, McMaster is also what Trump calls the manager
at the McDonald's he goes to.
[ Laughter ]
[ As Trump ] "Excuse me, could I speak to your McMaster?"
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Normal voice ] According to "The New York Times,"
former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer
is developing a talk show.
It's called, "Late Night with Such Liars."
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
President Trump today accused Democrats of wanting
"unlimited crime." Coincidentally, unlimited crime
was also the most popular class at Trump university.
[ Laughter ]
French President Emmanuel Macron met with Pope Francis
for 57 minutes today, setting a record for
the longest meeting between the Pope and a head of state.
Said the Pope, "But it wasn't the one that felt the longest."
[ Laughter ]
He's having a good time there.
After Harley-Davidson announced it would move
some of its production outside the U.S., President Trump
tweeted today, "A Harley-Davidson should never be
built in another country -- never."
You should talk. Half of your campaign was built
in another country.
[ Cheers and applause ]
A new study has found that almost 60% of parents say
they get stressed out trying to keep children busy
during summer break, while the other 40%
said, "Oh, the kids."
[ Laughter ]
"Today was National Chocolate Pudding Day," said a guy
who refuses to admit he crapped his pants.
[ Laughter ]
"You crapped your pants?"
"No, man, I'm just celebrating."
[ Laughter ]
That's a writer on our show.
[ Laughter ]
And that picture was from a different joke months ago.
So we had no idea when he was taking it that he was going
to be a pants-crapper today.
[ Laughter ]
According to a new study, older people who have sex
regularly tend to have better memories, while the people
who walked in on them just want to forget.
[ Laughter ]
"Hey, Grandma!"
[ Applause ]
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