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-Let's get to the news.
Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy
announced he is retiring today.
"Do you know what that means?",
said Trump, who was really asking.
Also, Justice Kennedy, what are you doing retiring, man?
You have a great job,
where you barely work, you get to wear a robe all day,
and give your opinions on stuff.
That basically is retirement.
Stick around, at least until we get a new president.
Six months, tops.
28-year-old... [ Cheers and applause ]
28-year-old first-time candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
beat 10-term representative Joe Crowley
in last night's New York Democratic primary.
And I got to say, Nancy Pelosi looked very surprised
two years ago.
President Trump spoke today at the
Face-to-Face with our Future event.
Said our future, "Aah!"
Mitt Romney won last night's Utah Republican Senate primary.
Romney celebrated by going to a victory party
and turning the music down.
Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie are rolling out
a new payment program which allows online shoppers
to pay in installments later,
rather than in full, called Afterpay.
Not to be confused with the program they have at Taco Bell,
where you always pay for it later.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's just across the board.
Japan is now home to a Hello Kitty-themed subway train.
Meanwhile, here in New York, every train is Pig-Pen-themed.
A pair of gay male swans in Austria
were taken to an animal reserve last week
after they attacked several people to protect a plastic cup
in their nest that they treat like an egg.
This news was first reported by Mike Pence
at an emergency cabinet meeting.
"We have to do something!"
A Nashville man was arrested yesterday
after he was stopped for smoking a joint in public
and then emptied a bag of cocaine over the heads
of the officers questioning him.
This news was first reported very quickly by the officers.
"It was crazy.
The guy took the coke and was like, 'Aah!'
We were like, 'Whoa!' And then he was like, 'Aah!'
We're like, 'You're under arrest.'
And then he was like, 'Damn.'
And, anyway, we're going to the bathroom.
You want to come with us? We're going to the bathroom."
Meghan Markle is facing criticism from fans
of the royal family after crossing her legs incorrectly
at the Queen's Young Leaders Award.
You think that's bad?
Wait till you see what Prince Charles did.
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