Welcome back to powahslap entertainmint where we
(kricketune noises)
…WHAT THE HAIL IS THAT?
Oh, for a second there I thought that was an alien
…oh.
Throughout most of my life I've always wondered
when our planet would eventually implode on itself and one of the most logical conclusions
I could come up with would be during an alien invasion.
Whether or not you believe in aliens, I think it's always important to have a gameplan,
so I want to present you with a scenario: One day you're chilling on the sidewalk
drinking some deliciously refreshing water juice when an alien walks up to you and says
"Listen up man, we alien dudes are getting a little overpopulated."
We're gonna blow you guys up if you don't give us a reason to keep you alive"
Woah that's pretty cool "The destruction of your civilization is
cool?"
Nah it's just that when you talk these captions show up near you, is that some kinda
alien technology?
(words begin to take over alien's space) "…I'm…I'm scared"
Alright, so now you're tasked with pleasing this alien ambassador and making sure that
he doesn't wipe out all of humanity, what do you do?
This is what my brother said he would do:
Go ahead Julio tell
em what you'd do in an alien invasion
umm..
I would show them Shrek...
the movie
and see if they'll sign a peace treaty with me
cause you know why?
Cause Shrek = Green
and they'll be like...
SHREK = GREEN
Personally, I think that if we want to survive we need to keep aliens as far away from memes
as possible.
One look on twitter could seal our fate,
don't even get me started on this guy
(howard the alien doing his thang)
I think what I would do is slowly assimilate
the alien into our culture.
First I'd give him a gender neutral name like Donkey Kong and then dress it in the
traditional garb of our people.
"This T-shirt feels cheaply made, why does it say supreme?"
Because you're the ultimate life form of course!
Then afterwards I'd take the alien to the happiest place on earth...six flags!
Just kidding, do they still even make six flags anymore?
I'm pretty sure that guy in the commercials is dead
well that got dark
I'd take it to Disneyland and show him all of the families running around.
Look at how happy they are to hug that rat, here every life form is respected
(shuses snipers on rooftop)
You don't need to explain it mm'kay?
Later we'd get home and I'd be watching
watching lilo and stitch or something.
"Look it's an alien like me…would you consider me your ohana."
Well, that movie's a little dated that doesn't mean family anymore…now fam means family.
"Would you consider me your…fam?"
Than I'd look Donkey Kong straight in the eyes and say "of course…fam"
Then we'd hug and the stars would appear to symbolize the passage of time.
The next day Donkey Kong would ask me who made that movie and I'd say Disney.
Then he'd point to an avengers poster and say "who made this" and I'd say Disney.
Finally, he'd flip through the television and land on the history channel.
And before he has the chance to ask me the question, I answer "Well, this is owned
by ABC broadcasting…which is technically owned by Disney."
LOOK IT UP! DISNEY OWNS THE HISTORY CHANNEL!
I'm an alien, what's up dude?
I'm gonna kilt you
(random big bang theory bumper)
It was funnier in my head
(obnoxious laughter)
"So Disney is your leader?"
"Hmm, take me to Disney"
Knowing that Walt Disney is dead, naturally I panic
Nah man, I don't have a car
"That's fine we can take the mothership."
O H N O
When I'm in the mothership I notice that there are alien babies running around unsupervised
while their mothers are crying.
I make it to the control room and I'm greeted by the council of elders.
"Hello Carlos, we've heard a lot about you.
Plug in the coordinates so we may meet Disney."
Look, I'm gonna be 100% Gucci with you.
Walt Disney has long since passed but the values he has instilled within us still live
on, I'm sure that together we can learn to co-exist.
Donkey Kong steps in front of me
"Yeah, he's right.
Their leader saw us in a positive light and their society seems to be filled with nothing
but positivity.
We've gone through a lot together and this man is someone who I am proud to call my…fam."
…That's when I whip out my dynamite.
Boom, alien invasion stopped
(hipster vlogger music)
CHECK OUT DANNY'S CHANNEL YOU CAPTION READING WEIRDO
(out of context footage from 2011)
*My rap collab ft Eminem*
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