how to be not taken for granted and to
become a person of value in the eyes of
the people around you all this and more
coming up in this video I'll be breaking
down the core reason why people aren't
taking you seriously and how you can go
about shifting this to become a person
whom people respect so you don't want to
be taken for granted
and you want people to take you more
seriously in different relationships
that you have in your life today I'm
going to break it down and tell you
exactly what you need the shift
hey self helper it's important to make
sure that we aren't taken for granted in
any relationship that we have this is
primarily because of two reasons number
one we don't value ourselves enough and
number two the other person doesn't
value us that breaks it down to two
important groups of people that we need
to consider when we think about value
when you look at group number one your
inner circle the people whom you are
closest to your friends and family
members you're really close to these
people their opinion of you matters and
your opinion of them matters as well so
it's a symbiotic relationship you give
and you take these are the people whose
opinion truly matters to you and you
don't want to be taken for granted by
these people now if you are looking at
the other group group number two these
are the people who are outside of your
friends circle remember that these are
the people who do not play a regular
role in your life these are
acquaintances Facebook friends with whom
you have to really maintain a persona
you don't really they don't really
affect your life on a day-to-day basis
they're just there so these are the
people that you don't really have to be
too concerned about so
that's a whole different topic I would
suggest you watch this video on
people-pleasing
and get the record straight with that
because people pleasing is a big issue
that we all deal with and it's not
required and I'm going to break down
exactly why you don't have to suffer
that in that video so go check that out
now on the other hand your inner circle
your friends and family members whose
opinion matters that you don't want to
be taken granted for that you value
those are the relationships that I am
talking about be it romantic intimate or
any other kind of relationship these
people play a very important role in our
lives and it's because of these two
primary reasons that I've just mentioned
that you aren't really enjoying the
relationship that you are being taken
for granted number one that you don't
value yourself that's right you don't
value yourself enough you don't have
that self-love that is so important
because in any relationship if you do
not value yourself if you don't love
yourself how can you expect other people
to love you think about that and tell me
in the comment section below if this is
happening to you remember that there are
a variety of things that lead up to this
but one of the primary reasons why we
fail to come out of this situation that
we are taken for granted and that were
okay with it is because of this in this
book outliers by Malcolm Gladwell he
talks about how we fail to question
authority while growing up and this is
because we have not been taught how to
do it that while growing up our parents
are supposed to show us when things are
not okay that we have to question we
have to ask ourselves and tell the other
person that we are not okay with this
and I'm going to do something about it
there's a very interesting story in the
book that talks about how these two
kinds of people the lowest lower
socioeconomic background people they
failed a question Authority while the
people who come from middle class and
higher class backgrounds these are the
people who actually go about questioning
Authority now
mother goes with her son to the dentist
and she tells her son don't question the
doctor too much don't ask any silly
questions now this boy may be genuinely
concerned about his dental health and
may have questions for the doctor and
what does he do he follows exactly what
his mother told him and her mother would
have told her not question authority and
ask questions the way things are that's
how they are this is one of the primary
reasons why the poor stay poor and why
the rich get richer now on this end of
the spectrum these people the mother and
the son they go and do the exact same
thing we go to the dentist but the thing
is here the mother tells her son go and
tell the doctor whatever you need to
tell him and ask him questions about
what you have concerns about if you have
a toothache tell him about it if you
want to ask him about the kinds of foods
you can eat or can't eat ask him about
it
so this shaping happens from a very
young age and it happens from generation
to generation if your parents have
taught you not to settle the question
then it's very likely that you follow up
with that you carry on that tradition of
questioning people that do things to you
that you are not okay with so it's all
about being comfortable with the state
we're in so more on that in this book
called outliers and Link it up for you
in the description box below so go read
that book it's a must read a beautiful
book so why do we suffer like this in
our relationships we need to remember
that there are two primary reasons among
the people whom we care about that's why
we continually behave in this way that
we allow them to take us for granted
that they don't take our opinion
seriously it's because of these two
reasons and that has a core reason
beneath it it's because we do not want
to offend the person in some way and
that offending them may cause
you know if my might put a dampener on
the relationship it may affect how
things are going right now and you don't
want that to change the second reason is
because offending them actually hurts
you more than it does them offending
them hurts you a lot more than it hurts
them why do we do this to ourselves it's
because we're comfortable we don't want
to get out of this state we're in I
might cause more pain to the other
person and causing pain to the other
person where I don't question what
they're doing to me that is very painful
so inflicting pain upon them is in fact
inflicting pain upon myself and I don't
want to go through with that that's why
we let things continue the way they are
I was talking about the core reason why
this happens the core reason is because
of two fears that we have with every
single person one it's the fear of
rejection we fear that that person is
going to reject us they won't view us in
the same way ever again for example a
boy who is really close to a girl the
boy wants to be in a romantic
relationship with that girl but the girl
doesn't want to have anything romantic
to do with this guy because she has
already placed him in a role in her life
that he plays only the role of a friend
she doesn't view him any differently now
again you need to consider whether this
person is genuinely not taking you
seriously or it's just in your head so
think about that is this person whom
you're worried about are they not taking
you seriously because it's just your
perspective or are they genuinely not
taking you seriously are they doing
something that is seriously wrong that
you aren't being valued enough think
about that either it's going to be a
fear of rejection or it's going to be
fear of shame that being rejected by the
other person I end up feeling miserable
which is the fear of shame by doing
something that
may cause the other person been someone
whom I deeply care about that
inadvertently affects me and how I feel
about the situation so I feel shamed I
feel like I have shamed the other person
by telling them about what I truly feel
these are the two core reasons why we
allow things to fly that we allow
ourselves to be not taken seriously in
any relationship that we're in think
about this very very seriously
are you a victim of this where you're
not being taken seriously because you're
afraid of either rejection or you're
afraid of shame you're afraid that the
other person may be hurt by you saying
something that you may offend them in
some way consider that if you want to
change the situation you need to go
about doing something you have to do
things differently otherwise things are
going to continue the way they are going
what you need to do start with this the
most important thing start loving
yourself more start respecting yourself
start having a sense of entitlement view
yourself as someone of value and someone
who has to be taken seriously
in the other person's eyes that don't be
as free as you normally are don't be as
available be viewed as someone who
deserves respect and how do you do that
you shape yourself you take action you
behave very differently so that the
other person sees that when you are
offended by the other person you don't
stand for that offense you immediately
correct that behavior now it doesn't
mean that you have to disrespect the
other person in the process although
they may feel hurt in some instances but
you still go about defeating that inner
need that I have to please them I have
to keep them happy you have to change
the way things are going about do this
value yourself more and convey that
value by taking significant action
behave very differently whenever they do
not respect you and give you the respect
that you feel you truly deserve that's
number one number two is you do it for
yourself you don't do it because you are
compelled to do it by someone else
you're doing it because you want to do
it that it's my desire to actually make
this change so start with I start
thinking about how you can create that
self-love and self-acceptance and once
you make that shift within yourself
immediately the world around you starts
to shift people start to see you very
definitely they start to see you with
okay this person seems to be different
what's brought on that change I think
maybe I should behave differently too
because we are breaking the normal
pattern of behavior and because we break
that normal pattern of behavior
immediately things start to change
regardless of what we do other people
when they see this consistently enough
then they start to change - if you can
create this mental shift in your mind
that I love myself I truly accept myself
for who I am and regardless of what
other people think of me I will continue
to be Who I am on the inside everything
changes think about that consider what
this shift can do to your life if you
can really start thinking about how can
I value myself a lot more by taking
symbolic actions and behaving
differently things start to shift this
works great for boys or girls who have
been friend-zoned for a number of years
you've been hanging out with this person
you want to tell them how you know you
feel about them not the best time to do
it or the right way to do it you start
to behave the exact opposite way that
the person views you so when you do that
immediately their perspective a few
shifts you do it consistently enough and
then you work up the courage to tell
them what you truly feel
then things start to work out because in
any relationship you need to have
transparency you need to tell people
what you are not okay with if you can do
this much then immediately they start to
respect you a lot more and when they
start respecting you you truly feel a
lot better about yourself so make this
important shift as soon as possible
start loving yourself and if there is
someone in your life whom you are not
okay with behaving a certain way let
them know and let me know down in the
comment section below if this works for
you or not if you found this video
useful make sure you leave it a thumbs
up remember that each and every time we
are going to encounter different people
who are going to take us for granted if
they're in our inner circle or we want
them to be in our inner circle we value
their opinion to an extent but it
doesn't allow us to get damaged
we don't take what they have to say it
too hard that's important to consider
because my opinion matters the most not
what someone else says if we can get
into this headspace it truly makes a
difference again love yourself and
question authority question people when
they offend you
more on this topic in the book outliers
do check it out all in all remember that
you are a person of value you are
someone who deserves respect and make
that felt whenever you meet someone for
the first time or you're establishing a
relationship with somebody if this is
your first time here make sure to
subscribe hit that Bell notification
icon because you don't want to miss any
videos coming out of my channel I know
it's been a very long video but it's a
very powerful one because we went down
to the core we try to figure out exactly
what's wrong with your mind and then we
have attempted to fix it so try all of
these steps that I mentioned in this
video let me know how it works out for
you this is Vikram signing off and I'll
see you in the next session
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